PLATINUM BLONDE
Story by Harry E. Chandlee and Douglas W. Churchill
FADE IN
1. INT. CITY ROOM OF NEWSPAPER OFFICE
- DAY - FULL SHOT
General atmosphere, typical of a busy
newspaper office. Copy boys running
about, shirtsleeved reporters and rewrite
men pounding away on typewriters. Little
wire baskets containing cylinders of
copy whizzing back and forth, such as
are used in some department stores,
etc.
SOUND
(Morkrum machines,[1] typewriters, telephone
bells and all other sounds relative
to a newspaper office)
When shot has been fully established:
CAMERA STARTS TRUCKING DOWN MAIN AISLE
It takes in the battery of Morkrum machines
clattering away; the crescent-shaped
copy desk; the desk of the sporting
editor, with a big cauliflower-eared
pugilist and his manager standing by
the side of the sporting editor, a hefty
guy in his shirtsleeves, smoking a big
cigar and wearing a green eye-shade;
the desk of the society editor, a prissy
old lady, who takes down a worn copy
of the Blue Book as the camera passes
her and starts looking up some data;
and any other interesting or typical
bits that can be thought out. At the
far end of the room is the desk of Conroy,
the City Editor.
Everything shows evidence of feverish
activity and great haste.
2. CLOSE SHOT
On Conroy, the City Editor at his desk,
speaking on the telephone.
CONROY
Yeah, that's all I ever get from you
guys - a lot of hard luck stories. You
come back here and I'll give you an
assignment. It will be a last interview
- with the cashier!
He hangs up, looks around with a scowl.
Stew! Stew Smith!
REPORTER
Oh Mr. Conroy, give me a crack at that
Schuyler story, will you?
CONROY
You? If you ever got your foot into
a drawing room, you'd step on a sliding
rug! Stew is the only man that's got
brains enough to handle this. Scram!
A Copy Boy rushes by on an errand.
Say Spud, did you find Stew?
COPY BOY
Not yet.
CONROY
Well, did you look in the�
? 4 ?
COPY BOY
First place I looked.
CONROY
Not there, eh? For cryin' out loud,
where is that�? Go and dig him up! Stew!
Stew Smith!
CAMERA TRUCKS ON:
Until it takes in a sort of make-shift
screen, concealing a corner of the room.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
3. CLOSE SHOT
On the other side of the screen. Stew
Smith is holding something in his hand.
His hat tilted back on his head, and
he is regarding this plaything intently.
Gallagher is sitting close to him, also
gazing intently at the plaything. Gallagher
is a girl, one of the sob sisters[2]
on the newspaper, dressed in a trim
but inexpensive little tailored suit.
STEW
Here it is. Pray for me, Gallagher.
Pray for me. Hold everything . . .
4. CLOSE SHOT
On the object in his hand, one of those
hand-puzzles where you have to land
jumping beans in the holes.
5. DOUBLE SHOT
GALLAGHER
Stew, your hands are shaking. You've
been drinking again.
STEW
Come on, come on. Here they come, Gallagher!
Here they come!
Conroy's shouts are heard in the background.
GALLAGHER
(conspiratorially)
The boss is getting hoarse.
STEW
There's the third one. If I don't get
the last one, there's a certain sob
sister I know that's going to get a
kick right in the . . . oh! Whoops,
almost had that.
6. MED. CLOSE SHOT
Conroy, the City Editor at his desk,
looking about with a scowl for Stew.
CONROY
(bellowing)
Stew! Stew Smith!
The Copy Boy races over to whisper something
to Conroy.
? 5 ?
CONROY
What? The screen?
7. CLOSE SHOT
On Stew Smith
STEW
Gallagher! I made it!
8. MEDIUM SHOT (FROM CONROY'S ANGLE)
The screen, concealing the washbasin
corner.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 6
A wrathy Conroy, his eyes centering
suspiciously on something. With his
eyes on the screen, Conroy reaches out
and grasps a heavy telephone book on
the corner of his desk. Still looking
off, he heaves it forcefully.
9. MED. CLOSE SHOT
Showing the screen. The telephone book
crashes into it, overturning it and
revealing Stew and Gallagher on the
other side. They both look up, startled.
The newsroom erupts in laughter.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 6
Conroy, glaring off fiercely.
CONROY
Come over here!
10. MEDIUM SHOT
Conroy at his desk. Stew saunters into
the scene.
STEW
Look, I quit!
CONROY
Yeah?
STEW
Yeah.
CONROY
Yeah?
STEW
You're always picking on me. It took
me three hours to get those little gadgets
in those holes, and you screw it up
in a minute. Hey, look!
He gives the hand-puzzle to Conroy,
who is immediately captivated by the
fascinating object in his hand.
11. CLOSE DOUBLE SHOT
STEW
(superior)
Mmm, not as easy as it looks, is it?
Conroy puts it down with a disgusted
look.
CONROY
Aagh! No wonder you're batty. Would
it be imposing too much upon you if
I asked you to do a little work today?
Just to sort of break the monotony?
? 6 ?
STEW
With me you can always do business.
CONROY
Do you know what to do in a drawing-room?
STEW
It isn't a question of knowing what
to do, it's knowing how to get in one
that counts.
The telephone rings, Conroy answers
it.
CONROY
(speaking on the phone)
Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.
He hangs up, turns back to Stew.
Now listen, we've got a tip that the
Schuyler family has finally made a deal
with that chorus dame.
STEW
Gloria Golden?
CONROY
Yeah, little Gloria.
STEW
The human cash register. Got her hooks
into the Schuyler kid, eh?
CONROY
Right - for the first time this year.
STEW
(modestly)
Well - it's only April.
CONROY
Come on, get going, get going!
STEW
(loftily)
Get going where? I can write that yarn
without stepping out of the office.
CONROY
Yeah - and get us into a million dollar
libel suit. It wouldn't be the first
time. Now, you get over there and get
a statement out of the old lady, the
sister, or the kid. Any of them - but
get it.
STEW
(resigned)
All right. Give me a voucher for expenses.
12. CLOSE DOUBLE SHOT (ANOTHER ANGLE)
CONROY
What expenses? All you need is carfare
to Long Island. You'd better get a shave
and a shine, because you, you're going
to have a tough time getting in there
as it is.
? 7 ?
STEW
I know those bluenoses. Their ancestors
refused to come over on the Mayflower
because they didn't want to rub elbows
with the tourists. So they swam over.
He turns away and exits.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN
13. EXT. THE SCHUYLER HOUSE - DAY -
MEDIUM SHOT
Someone pacing outside the mansion gates.
14. EXT. THE SCHUYLER HOUSE (ANOTHER
ANGLE) - DAY - CLOSE SHOT
A guard dog pacing inside the gates.
15. INT. INSIDE THE MANSION - DAY -
CLOSE SHOT
A parrot on its perch, hopping from
foot to foot.
16. INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - DAY
- CLOSE SHOT
Michael Schuyler, a callow youth with
the usual dissipated, spoiled look.
His fingers are nipping out little chunks
of a folded piece of paper, dropping
the bits on the floor. This is indicative
of a habit of the individual in question
when undergoing nervous stress. He is
very fidgety and apprehensive, as he
glances around.
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Anne Schuyler, a beautiful and aristocratic,
though slightly hard girl, a few years
older than Michael.
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Mrs. Stuyvesand Van Alstyne Schuyler,
mother of Anne and Michael. A grande
dame, stern and glowering. Her attitude
indicates suppressed nervousness and
anger. She glares over in the direction
of Michael. Then she turns and looks
in another direction.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(viciously)
Dexter Grayson, if you were any kind
of a lawyer, you'd get those letters
back!
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Dexter Grayson, the family lawyer standing,
his hands clasped behind his back, just
completing the pacing of a few short
steps in his best courtroom manner,
his head bowed in an attitude of deepest
thought. He is dressed in striped afternoon
trousers and black coat. He turns to
regard Mrs. Schuyler.
GRAYSON
But I keep telling you how difficult
it is, Mrs. Schuyler. The last time
I asked her for those letters, she made
very uncouth noises with her mouth.
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Anne Schuyler, trying desperately to
keep from laughing.
CAMERA DRAWS BACK
To reveal a full shot of the room and
group. They are in the magnificent drawing
room of the Schuyler home, resembling
the Union Depot and furnished with almost
imperial splendor and magnificence.
They very much resemble a jury in session.
As they continue:
? 8 ?
MICHAEL
I don't know why you're making all this
fuss. I only sent her six of them.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(sarcastic)
If you had to make a fool of yourself,
why didn't you tell it to her instead
of writing?
MICHAEL
Because I couldn't get her on the phone.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Imbecile!
ANNE
You should have known better than to
write, Romeo. I found that out a long
time ago.
MRS. SCHUYLER
I should say you had. At the rate you
two are going, we'll have to leave the
country to save our faces.
ANNE
Splendid, Mother. Let's hop over to
Monte Carlo. It's a great place to save
a face.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Oh, shut up!
A butler appears in the doorway. He
is about to say something, but he stammers
and turns.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(stopping him)
What is it, Smythe?
SMYTHE
Pardon me, madam - but what am I to
say to the newspapermen?
Mrs. Schuyler looks distractedly at
Grayson.
17. CLOSER SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler and Grayson. She rises
and speaks imperiously:
MRS. SCHUYLER
Dexter, go out and tell those ruffians
I have nothing to say.
Grayson faces her placatingly.
GRAYSON
You can't do that. Leave it to me. I
know how to handle reporters.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(with a shudder)
All right, then - get it over with.
? 9 ?
18. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
Grayson turns officiously toward the
waiting butler.
GRAYSON
We've decided to see the reporters.
Send in the man from the Tribune first.
SMYTHE
Very good, sir.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Oh, Smythe, some bicarbonate of soda,
quick - double strength. I know those
news mongrels[3] will upset me.
SMYTHE
I've anticipated it, madame. The bicarbonate
is ready.
The butler exits.
19. INT. SCHUYLER LIBRARY - DAY - FULL
SHOT
This room resembles the Grand Central
Station. It is lined with bookcases
filled with gorgeous first editions
and special bindings, and is furnished
in the extreme of magnificence and luxury.
Present are Stew and Bingy, reporter
from the Tribune. Stew is seated, idly
leafing through a first edition.
Bingy, still with his hat on, spots
an expensive music box on a nearby table,
opens it and does a little jig to the
tune that is emitted.
20. CLOSER SHOT
Bingy, as he lingers at the table. He
is a lazy, sloppy-looking guy. His face
needs a shave and his pants need pressing.
There is a spot of dried ketchup on
his tie. On the table is a humidor.
Bingy opens it and lifts out a handful
of cigars.
21. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
As he looks up from the book, he suggests:
STEW
Hey Bingy, you'll find the silverware
in the dining room.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 20
Bingy turns, putting the cigars in his
pocket.
BINGY
Much obliged.
22. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
Smythe enters.
SMYTHE
(frigidly)
Mr. Grayson has decided to see you.
? 10 ?
Both Stew and Bingy start forward eagerly.
Smythe continues:
SMYTHE
The gentleman from the Tribune, first.
23. CLOSER THREE SHOT
Bingy beams broadly and Stew is disappointed.
STEW
There are no gentlemen on the Tribune.
SMYTHE
I understand, sir.
Smythe leads the way out. As Bingy passes
by, Stew trips him.
BINGY
Say, take it easy! Take it easy! Listen,
my boy. No use you hanging around here.
Just buy the Tribune tonight and read
all about it. You can rewrite it for
your last edition.
STEW
Couldn't make the last edition. It'd
take me four hours to translate your
story into English.
BINGY
Oh, is that so?
STEW
I'm afraid.
Bingy turns to leave.
Take off your hat. You might make an
impression.
Bingy dutifully doffs his hat.
Impossible. Put it on again.
BINGY
Hey, make up your mind, will you?
Bingy hurriedly puts his hat back on
as he disappears.
24. INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - DAY
- MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
By the door which leads out into the
hall. The butler enters and stops, standing
stiffly. Bingy enters behind him, shambling
awkwardly. He stops in some consternation
as he sees:
25. MEDIUM SHOT (FROM HIS ANGLE)
The Schuyler jury. Grayson, Mrs. Schuyler,
Anne and Michael, all surveying him
in varying degrees of unfriendliness.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 24
Bingy hesitates uneasily as he regards
this impressive assemblage. Quickly,
he takes his hat back off. Then he smiles
nervously and starts forward.
BINGY
Hi, folks!
? 11 ?
CONTINUATION, SCENE 25
Grayson comes forward to meet him, attempting
to be very cordial. Bingy is seized
by a sudden impulse to sneeze. He does
so, violently. There is awkward silence.
Mrs. Schuyler throws off a visible shudder.
BINGY
What's the matter? Isn't there a 'bless
you' in the crowd?
GRAYSON
You're the Tribune man?
BINGY
Yeah, hello. How are you?
Bingy extends his hand. Grayson pointedly
ignores it.
GRAYSON
(cordially)
Fine. Have a seat.
BINGY
Thanks, I will.
Bingy crosses the room, taking note
of the beauteous Anne.
GRAYSON
This way.
BINGY
Oh, man!
Bingy sits gingerly on the edge of a
handsome chair.
BINGY
Oh, boy!
26. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Bingy and Grayson. Grayson picks up
a very flossy and expensive cigarette
box from the small end table beside
the chair. It is made of gold and semi-precious
stones are inset in the cover. Grayson
opens the lid and takes out a cigarette,
but pointedly does not offer one to
Bingy.
Grayson remains standing before the
reporter, who is very uncomfortable
and ill at ease.
GRAYSON
Fine newspaper the Tribune.
BINGY
Well, I should say!
GRAYSON
I knew your managing editor very well.
BINGY
Is that so?
GRAYSON
Yale '21, I believe.
? 12 ?
BINGY
(uncomprehending)
Huh?
GRAYSON
We were classmates.
27. CLOSE SHOT - MRS. SCHUYLER
She clears her throat menacingly, as
she looks sternly at Grayson.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Ahem!
BINGY
What's the matter? She got a cold?
CONTINUATION, SCENE 26
Bingy and Grayson. Both look over. Grayson
gives her a quick reassuring glance,
as though to say "leave it to me now."
He continues his conversation with the
reporter.
GRAYSON
I got him his job on the paper. I'm
a stock-holder, you know.
BINGY
Is that so?
GRAYSON
As one Tribune man to another�
He laughs.
BINGY
(laughs)
Yeah!
GRAYSON
But right now I'm acting in the capacity
of Mrs. Schuyler's attorney.
BINGY
Oh, that's all right with me. I won't
hold it against you. But you see, I'm
here to find out about�
GRAYSON
I know, I know. But there's no truth
in the story whatsoever.
BINGY
Oh yeah?
28. MEDIUM SHOT
Grayson and Bingy. He takes Bingy by
the arm and leads him over to a corner
of the room, assuming a confidential
pose.
GRAYSON
(speaking as they walk)
However, I've taken the trouble to prepare
a little statement. Here it is. Here.
? 13 ?
29. CLOSER TWO SHOT
Grayson and Bingy. Grayson takes an
envelope out of his pocket and hands
it to Bingy. Bingy opens the flap and
sees the contents.
INSERT: ENVELOPE
The corner of a fifty dollar bill protrudes.
BACK TO SCENE:
Bingy quickly shuts the envelope up.
Grayson is watching him closely.
GRAYSON
So, you see how silly that rumor is?
BINGY
Why, sure. It's a lotta hooey.
GRAYSON
That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't
think of it.
Grayson starts leading him toward the
door. CAMERA PANS WITH THEM as Grayson
leads him toward the door, talking as
they walk.
GRAYSON
Thank you very much.
BINGY
All right, all right, don't mention
it.
GRAYSON
Give my regards to your managing editor.
BINGY
I certainly will.
They stop at the door. Bingy extends
a handshake, which is again refused.
He stops and looks back at the jury.
30. MEDIUM SHOT FROM HIS ANGLE
The Schuylers all sitting silently and
contemplating him.
BINGY
Well, so long folks!
He flutters his eyes at Anne.
BINGY
Thanks!
He takes one last look at Mrs. Schuyler
and is again gripped by a violent sneeze.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(rising to the occasion)
Uh, bless you!
ALL
Bless you!
BINGY
Thanks.
The butler appears in the doorway behind
him. Bingy exits past him, beaming.
? 14 ?
BINGY
(waving to butler)
So long!
Grayson nods to the butler.
GRAYSON
Smythe, bring in the other reporter.
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
31. INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - MEDIUM
FULL SHOT
The group awaiting the advent of the
Post reporter. Stew is shown in by the
butler, still carrying the Conrad book
in his hand. They give him the once-over.
Mrs. Schuyler raises her lorgnette with
a magnificent gesture. Stew eyes them
with animation, not in the slightest
discouraged by this supercilious scrutiny.
He starts toward them.
32. MEDIUM SHOT
As Stew approaches them.
STEW
Schuyler's the name, I presume? Yes,
thank you, thank you. My name's Smith
- Stewart Smith. No relation to John,
Joe, Trade or Mark. Of course you can't
have everything.
He smiles engagingly on them. Stew addresses
Mrs. Schuyler ingratiatingly, disregarding
her expression of obvious distaste.
STEW
Nice set of Conrads you have out there,
Mrs. Schuyler. I was just glancing through
this one.
(indicates the book in his hand)
What's Michael tearing the paper about?
GRAYSON
Just a habit. Mr. Schuyler is a bit
put out by all the rumors going around.
33. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND GRAYSON
STEW
Rumors? Rumors? Since when is a breach-of-promise
case a rumor?
GRAYSON
No breach-of-promise case has been filed.
The matter has been settled out of court.
STEW
(very cagey)
Oh I see, but Gloria doesn't seem to
be satisfied with the twenty thousand
dollars.
34. A MEDIUM SHOT OF GROUP
At this, Mrs. Schuyler rises wrathfully.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(furiously to Grayson)
Dexter Grayson, you told me it was only
ten thousand�and you didn't even get
those letters from that Jezebel!
? 15 ?
STEW
Oh, so you did give her ten thousand
dollars, eh? and there are letters .
. .
Behind Stew's back, Grayson makes violent
gestures for her to shut up.
STEW
Well, well. That takes it out of the
rumor class, doesn't it?
GRAYSON
We admit nothing. However, I have a
little statement all prepared.
He takes Stew's arm and walks him off
toward a corner much in the same manner
as he handled Bingy, and lowers his
voice confidentially.
35. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND GRAYSON
Apart from the others.
STEW
A statement? Good.
GRAYSON
I have it here.
STEW
Good.
Grayson takes an envelope out of his
pocket and hands it to Stew. Stew puts
the book under his arm, takes the envelope
and extracts the contents. It is another
greenback.
STEW
(with interest)
Fifty bucks, eh?
He regards it a moment, then replaces
the bill in the envelope. His voice
is matter-of-fact, and almost casual.
STEW
Don't you know you should never offer
a newspaper man more than two dollars?
If you do, he'll think it's counterfeit.
I don't need fifty dollars. As a matter
of fact, I've got fifty dollars.
Grayson is considerably disconcerted.
He tries again.
GRAYSON
The man from the Tribune seemed perfectly
satisfied.
STEW
Who, Bingy? Yeah, Bingy would. He never
saw fifty dollars before. You could
have bought him for six bits. Funny
thing about Bingy. The more he gets
- the more he prints. He looks stupid,
doesn't he? But oh how smart he gets
when he bends over a typewriter.
He hands the envelope back to Grayson
and turns away.
? 16 ?
36. MEDIUM SHOT
Schuyler group - taking his action with
dismay. Stew starts walking back toward
them, talking as he walks, Grayson beside
him, considerably distracted.
STEW
So ten grand was the amount you gave
the girl? Any other statement you folks
would like to make?
There is an explosive chorus from the
group.
GROUP
(ad-lib talking at the same time)
That's not so!
We have nothing more to say!
We'll make no statements.
He turns to them, holding up his hand
and speaking plaintively.
STEW
Wait a minute. Don't get excited. I
wouldn't worry about it. A little publicity
never hurt anybody.
37. CLOSE SHOT - MRS. SCHUYLER
She is on the point of an apopletic
stroke. She advances menacingly toward
Stew. She calls to Grayson.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(shrieking at him)
Dexter, have this person leave immediately.
38. MEDIUM SHOT - THE GROUP
Stew is not at all perturbed. Dexter
takes him by the arm and starts to lead
him out.
GRAYSON
I think you'd better go.
STEW
Go?! Wait a minute - that's a great
story! Newspaper reporter was forcibly
ejected from Schuyler Mansion, and�
Anne comes up to him.
ANNE
Wait a minute�
He faces her and cannot help but register
an appreciation of her beauty.
ANNE
Don't mind Mother.
STEW
(cheerfully)
I don't mind her if you don't.
CONTINUATION SCENE 37
Mrs. Schuyler, almost choking in her
wrath at this outrageous stranger.
? 17 ?
MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne!
39. CLOSE SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
Anne stifles a smile at this cheerful
insolence.
ANNE
I'm sure you're quite willing to be
decent about this.
STEW
Decent? Why Miss Schuyler, I want to
be noble.
Anne continues in her most devastating
manner.
ANNE
You're not going to print this silly
thing, are you?
STEW
(noncomittally)
No? Why not?
She puts her hand lightly on his arm.
ANNE
Because my name's Schuyler too. And
I haven't done a thing, but I'll suffer
with Michael. And so will Mother.
40. CLOSEUP - STEW
He has been listening to this and enjoying
it immensely. He looks over at Mrs.
Schuyler.
41. REVERSE ANGLE ON MRS. SCHUYLER
Who is making a show of holding back
a flood of tears.
CONTINUATION SCENE 40
STEW
Mother's suffering already!
CONTINUATION SCENE 39
Anne, not wanting to lose her point,
looks up at Stew pleadingly.
ANNE
As a special favor to me, you won't
print that story, will you?
CONTINUATION SCENE 40
Stew, looking down at her in frank approval
and admiration.
ANNE
(pleading)
Please�
Stew hesitates still.
42. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler, Michael, and Grayson.
All watching the couple intently, hanging
on the next words�wondering if Anne
is going to succeed. They are tense
and expectant.
? 18 ?
43. CLOSE SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
He is looking down into her soft, melting
eyes. Then he smiles.
STEW
You know something, lady, if you sold
life insurance, I'd go for a policy
in sixty seconds.
ANNE
Oh, thank you, I knew you'd understand.
CONTINUATION SCENE 42
The three. They relax and exchange relieved
and triumphant glances. Apparently Anne
has won.
44. MEDIUM SHOT - ENTIRE GROUP
Stew turns aside.
STEW
May I use your telephone?
ANNE
(eagerly)
Certainly. Right over there.
STEW
You're all right.
She indicates. Stew starts for the telephone.
Anne walks to her mother's side. Stew
gets to the telephone and picks up the
receiver.
STEW
Hello, Beekman 1300?
(he turns to wink at the group)
That's an unlucky number. You know that,
don't you?
45. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
At the telephone. He turns back to the
instrument as he gets his connection.
STEW
(into phone)
Hello, Toots? Is Conroy there? Give
me Conroy.
(pause)
He isn't? Try the washroom, will you?
While he waits for the connection, he
turns and addresses the group expansively.
STEW
Say, I interviewed a swell guy the other
day - Einstein. Swell guy, a little
eccentric, but swell. Doesn't wear any
garters. Neither do I as a matter of
fact. What good are garters anyway�?
(he turns back to the phone)
Hello, Conroy? This is Smith talking.
I'm up at the Schuylers. No, I'm not
having tea - that is, not yet.
(again, he winks expansively at the
group�then returns to Conroy)
Is she beautiful? Oh boss, her pictures
don't do her justice. If I was that
guy Ziegfield - what?
? 19 ?
46. CLOSE SHOT - ANNE AND MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne smiles in spite of herself at this
flattery. Stew's voice goes on.
STEW'S VOICE
Yes, it's easy to see where her beauty
comes from. From her mother.
For the first time, Mrs. Schuyler unbends
to the extent of giving forth a smile.
She cannot help but be pleased at this
compliment. The atmosphere is now very
friendly. Everybody feels that everything
is all right.
CONTINUATION SCENE 45
Stew at the phone
STEW
Now wait a minute. Just hold on. Keep
your shirt on. I'm coming to that. The
Schuylers admit the story is true. Right.
They gave the gal ten thousand bucks.
But she's got some letters - and she's
holding out for more dough - and it
looks to me like she's going to get
it.
47. MEDIUM SHOT - SCHUYLER GROUP
Horrified and shocked at this betrayal
and double-crossing.
STEW
(on the phone�breezily)
Right boss. I'll be right over. Right
- no, I don't think I can get any pictures
now. Right.
He casually hangs up and turns from
the phone.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(involuntary gasp)
Oh-h-h . . .!
Anne confronts him as if he were a reptile
of the lowest order.
ANNE
(voice cold as ice)
I've met some rotters in my time, but
without a doubt, you're the lowest excuse
for a man I've ever had the misfortune
to meet�
Stew starts walking toward the door,
still holding his book. The family is
tremendously indignant and agitated.
Stew stops, turns, looks at them. He
is met by icy glares. He indignantly
takes a nickel out of his pocket and
hands it to Grayson.
STEW
(with dignity)
Well, if you feel that way about it,
here's a nickel for the phone call.
He glares at them�turns and walks out.
They watch him walk out, stunned and
open-mouthed.
FADE OUT:
? 20 ?
FADE IN: DAY
INSERT: Dingy board sign outside a building.
JOE'S
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INSERT: Three column heading in newspaper:
SCHUYLER HEIR SETTLES
BREACH OF PROMISE
SUIT FOR $10,000.
Gloria Golden, Follies Beauty,
Retains Love Letters.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. JOE'S SPEAKEASY - DAY
48. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
A reasonably respectable speakeasy,
smoke-filled. Quite a number of men
and a few women are leaning on the bar
and seated around at the tables. Stew
and Gallagher are seated at one of the
rude round tables, smoking, drinks before
them. Gallagher is reading the newspaper
story.
49. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND GALLAGHER
She is grinning at the story.
STEW
�and she walked up to me and put her
hand on my shoulder and said,
(mimicking Anne)
'Mr. Smith, You wouldn't print that
story, would you?' Oh no, I wouldn't
print it - read it!
50. CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
Over Stew's shoulder. She laughs at
his attempted imitation.
GALLAGHER
You're sure going to be poison to that
Junior Leaguer[4] from now on!
STEW
I hope not . . . I've got to call on
her this morning!
Gallagher looks up in astonishment.
GALLAGHER
You what?
STEW
Sure, I must drop in on the mad wench.
Her wounds need soothing.
GALLAGHER
For heaven's sake, Stew, are you completely
bats? What for? I thought the story
was cold. You can't go back there.
STEW
Sure, the story is cold, but I'm not.
I'm sizzling - look! Psst!
? 21 ?
He moistens a finger, touches it to
his wrist, and makes a sizzle noise.
Gallagher looks over quizzically�a little
suspicious�a little jealous.
GALLAGHER
(a drawn-out knowing utterance)
O-o-oh! Came the dawn, came the dawn!
51. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
Over Gallagher's shoulder.
STEW
And with it came love! Oh Gallagher,
you've got to meet her. She's it�
GALLAGHER
�and that�
STEW
(enthusing)
�and those and them.
Gallagher takes a sip of her drink before
answering.
GALLAGHER
Well, I've seen her pictures, and I
don't think she's so hot.
STEW
(disparaging gesture)
Oh, you don't appreciate it. Her pictures
don't do her justice. Why, Gallagher,
she's queenly - she is queenly - and
I know queens!
(continues in exaltation)
And oh, has she got herself a nose -
and I know noses too. That little snozzle
of hers is the berries, I tell you.
And is she cute when she throws that
little snozzle to the high heavens!
52. DOUBLE SHOT
GALLAGHER
Of course I haven't got a nose.
Stew gives her a hurt look.
STEW
(shaking his head)
Sure, sure. You've got a nose, Gallagher.
You've got a nose. But there's different
women, Gallagher. You know, like brewery
horses and thoroughbreds.
GALLAGHER
(deliberately misunderstanding)
On now, Stew, don't be too hard on her.
I wouldn't call her a brewery horse.
STEW
Gallagher! She's the real McCoy!
? 22 ?
GALLAGHER
And the rest of us are truck horses?
STEW
(reproachfully)
There you go, talking like a woman!
GALLAGHER
(a trifle resentfully)
Well!
STEW
Well, you're my pal, aren't you? Then
don't turn female on me.
During these last few speeches, Gallagher
has been regarding him with a curious
expression. She loves being his pal,
but wishes he would realize she is also
a woman.
53. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew seems a little resentful of her
attitude. He rises.
STEW
Pay that check, will you Gallagher?
I'll give it back to you some time.
Maybe.
He flourishes the book of Conrad, which
has been lying on the table in front
of him, and makes a grand gesture.
STEW
I go now - I go with Conrad in quest
of my youth! Fry those tomatoes, will
you, Gallagher?
He strikes a pose�and exits.
Gallagher, sits, looking after him,
considerably disturbed.
54. CLOSER SHOT - GALLAGHER
Sitting, looking dismally after Stew.
She opens her bag and takes out a mirror,
surveying herself with frank disapproval.
She pulls out a curl of hair before
each ear, tries to soften the severe
brim of the hat. She puts a finger to
the tip of her nose and tilts it up,
studying the effect. Then, with a sigh
of disgust, she throws mirror and bag
onto the table.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
55. INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL - DAY
- LONG SHOT
Smythe, the butler, previously introduced,
comes from the direction of the rear
of the house, and proceeds down the
long, vast hallway towards the front
door. The bell keeps ringing steadily.
The butler reaches the wide front door.
56. CLOSER SHOT
As the butler opens the door and reveals
Stew standing outside, hatless, a book
in his hand, a spring overcoat slightly
askew, the pockets bulging with contents.
The butler quickly tries to slam the
door in Stew's face, but Stew's right
foot comes forward with a practiced
newspaperman's gesture and he forces
his way into the room.
? 23 ?
STEW
(reproachfully)
Now, now Jeeves.[5] Was that nice? Was
that being a gentleman, Jeeves? Was
it, Jeeves? Your name is Jeeves, isn't
it?
SMYTHE
(stiffly)
The name is Smythe.
STEW
Smythe! Well, well, well! With a Y ,
huh?
(wags his head)
Congratulations! What a small world.
Brothers under livery. Shake!
(he grabs the butler's hand)
Now, as a Smith to a Smythe�
SMYTHE
(glacially)
Mrs. Schuyler is not at home.
57. TWO SHOT - ANOTHER ANGLE
STEW
I know, I know. I waited outside till
she went out. She's a very nice lady,
but we don't vibrate well together.
58. MEDIUM SHOT
Anne, dressed in smart sports clothes,
starts to cross thru the hall. She stops
as she sees the butler engaged in conversation
with Stew.
SMYTHE
(hollowly)
No one's at home, sir.
Anne starts walking toward them. Stew
spots her.
STEW
Now Jeeves, what would you call this
- 'no one'?
Anne comes up to them.
59. CLOSER THREE SHOT
Anne looks up and sees that the butler
is frowning and uncomfortable and addresses
him.
ANNE
What's wrong?
SMYTHE
Mrs. Schuyler left orders, Miss, that
if this person came here again, I was
to call the police.
STEW
That's a good idea - telephone the police.
The number is Spring 3100. Get a couple
of cops over and we can have a rubber
of bridge.
ANNE
You may go, Smythe.
? 24 ?
SMYTHE
But I�
STEW
Now the lady said you may go�
The butler bows stiffly and exits.
ANNE
(to Stew�directly)
What do you want?
STEW
Well, I tell you, yesterday when I was
here, I had one of your books in my
hand, and when I got outside, I realized
I still had your book in my hand. So
as long as I had your book in my hand,
I thought I might as well take it home
and read it. This morning, I got up
and put your book in my hand, and here's
your book in your hand.
He extends the Conrad book, and Anne,
making no effort to take it, he throws
it on the table.
ANNE
(haughty)
That's considerate of you.
STEW
Yeah, that was considerate of me. I
recommend you read it.
60. CLOSER TWO SHOT
ANNE
(stiffly)
I'm not interested in your literary
recommendations.
STEW
Well, maybe it's a bit heavy for you.
Perhaps if you'd like something lighter
- something with a touch of romance�
He takes a package of letters out of
his overcoat pocket held together by
a rubber band. He extracts one of them
and opens it.
STEW
Just listen to this�
(reading)
Adorable Babykins�
Does her miss her Baby? Him sends his
booful li'l sweetums a billion oceans
full of kisses. Bobo is so lonely�!
ANNE
(interrupting coldly)
Just a moment. I don't see how that
trash could possibly concern me.
Stew advances a little closer, putting
up a finger.
? 25 ?
STEW
(mysteriously)
Ah! But you don't know who Bobo is.
And you don't know who Babykins is.
ANNE
I'm not interested. Smythe will open
the door.
She begins to walk away.
STEW
(brightly)
But Bobo is your brother, Michael. And
of course nobody would ever guess who
Babykins is.
Anne turns and stares at him, incredulously,
for a moment.
ANNE
Where did you get those letters?
STEW
I stole them when I was interviewing
Babykins about Bobo.
Anne looks up coldly.
ANNE
I suppose you're going to print them?
STEW
No - give you another guess.
61. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT (TRUCK SHOT)
The two.
Anne surveys him with frank scorn and
dislike.
ANNE
(scornfully)
Oh, I don't need another guess. It's
quite obvious.
STEW
So, it's obvious, huh?
She turns toward the library.
ANNE
Will you step into the library?
STEW
(with alacrity)
Sure, I'll take a chance.
Anne walks majestically with head held
high�thru the hall�thru the living room
and to the library. CAMERA TRUCKING
AHEAD OF THEM. This is a very long walk
with Anne walking ahead, Stew trailing.
STEW
(while walking with Anne single file)
You know, the Indians used to walk like
this.
(pause)
Except the squaw always walked in the
back�
? 26 ?
(pause)
You know why that was? That was in case
of attack from the front.
(pause)
Of course, if the attack was from the
rear, she had to depend upon her papoose.
(pause)
Oh yes, the papooses always had bows
and arrows.
(pause)
Of course, if she wasn't married�then
she'd have to protect her own - er,
er�
(indicates rear with thumb over shoulder)
(still walking)
What country is this library in?
(pause)
Miss Schuyler, how about carfare back
to the front door, huh?
62. INT. SCHUYLER LIBRARY - MEDIUM SHOT
Anne sweeps in, followed by Stew. She
walks directly to a desk, opens a drawer
and takes out a large check book. She
draws up a chair and seats herself.
63. CLOSE SHOT
Anne at the desk, starting to fill in
the date on a blank check.
ANNE
What are your initials - Mr. - er�
64. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
Who has remained standing. He is watching
her with a peculiar expression.
STEW
Smith. Stewart Smith. My friends call
me Stew. It's an injustice too because
I hold my liquor all right.
CONTINUATION SCENE 63
Anne writes on the check. Then she looks
up.
ANNE
Will - uh - five thousand be enough?
65. DOUBLE SHOT
STEW
For what?
ANNE
For the letters, of course.
66. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
As Stew walks closer and addreses her.
STEW
Gee, you shouldn't do that, Miss Schuyler.
That's all right for your lawyer friend,
but you shouldn't go around thinking
you can buy people.
(hands her the letters)
They're yours.
? 27 ?
Anne has been listening to him with
a puzzled expression, impressed by his
obvious sincerity.
ANNE
I don't know how to thank you. Mother'll
be so grateful - she'll probably want
to kiss you.
STEW
Your mother will want to kiss me? Give
me back my letters.
(grabs the letters)
That's the breaks I get. It's the mothers
that are always grateful to me.
(with a smile, he hands the letters
back)
Here.
ANNE
You're a peculiar person. Why the other
day I pleaded with you not to send in
that story and �
(gestures with letters)
67. CLOSE TWO SHOT
STEW
(patiently again)
I know but that was news. This is blackmail
and I don't like blackmail.
Anne is regarding him with searching
scrutiny. She smiles. Her icy, belligerent
attitude has vanished.
ANNE
I won't even pretend it isn't a very
great favor. I wish there was something
I could do for you�
STEW
Well, you could make this table a little
- uh - a little less wide.
(he leans over closer to her)
There is something you can do for me,
Miss Schuyler.
The smile goes out of Anne's eyes�the
suspicion returns�she is saying to herself�"I
was right the first time!"
STEW
(engagingly)
I haven't had any lunch yet. Have you
got anything in the icebox?
The hard, disdainful look leaves Anne's
face as she stares at this incredible
guy with his incredible request. With
a twinkle in her eyes, she responds:
ANNE
Oh, you fool!
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHUYLER DINING ROOM
68. MED. FULL SHOT
A lovely, sunny room, cretonne drapes
and colorful painted furniture. Stew
and Anne are sitting at the table. Anne
looks amused and
? 28 ?
definitely speculative. Stew has the
manner of having lived in this house
all his life. He draws the cup of tea
to him and puts in a lump or two of
sugar.
Between him and Anne on the corner of
the table is a modernistic, squatty
little tea-pot.
STEW
After years of research, I finally discovered
that I was the only guy in the world
who hadn't written a play, so believe
it or not, in my spare time I'm now
writing a play.
69. CLOSE TWO SHOT
Anne is casually amused.
ANNE
Really?
STEW
Yeah, I haven't figured out the plot
yet, but it's laid in a Siberian village.
ANNE
You're a bit eccentric, aren't you?
STEW
Me? No - most ordinary guy in the world,
me. Only one thing wrong with me�
ANNE
You don't wear garters!
Stew helps himself to another lump of
sugar.
STEW
Naw, that's just a symbol of my independence.
He leans closer, looking directly into
her face.
STEW
I'm color blind. That's what's wrong
- I'm color blind. I've been sitting
here for a half hour looking at you
and I don't know yet whether your eyes
are blue or violet.
Anne smiles at this unexpected statement,
and stares at him very critically.
ANNE
I'm just beginning to believe that something
could be done with you.
STEW
Say, you could do anything with me you
wanted to. Putty - just putty, that's
me.
STEW
(leaning closer)
Now getting back to those eyes of yours
- would you mind if I kind of got closer
so I could see them?
? 29 ?
ANNE
Not if you're going to lose any sleep
about it.
70. CLOSE SHOT
He gets closer, takes her chin in his
hand and gets an eyeful.
ANNE
Now, how would you like them�open like
this?
She smiles radiantly.
STEW
Close them both.
(getting warm)
Something tells me I'd better leave.
During the last speech Mrs. Schuyler
enters and stops in the doorway, surveying
this astonishing scene with stupefied
indignation and rage.
Anne gets quickly to her feet as Mrs.
Schuyler sails forward.
MRS. SCHUYLER
That's an excellent idea.
ANNE
Oh, hello Mother!
STEW
(easily)
Hello - hello, Mrs. Schuyler. Come right
in. Will you have a slug of tea?
He hospitably indicates the table. Mrs.
Schuyler is speechless with fury. She
does not immediately reply. Then:
MRS. SCHUYLER
What is this person doing here?
ANNE
Why�
Stew goes on.
STEW
As a matter of fact, I was just trying
to decide the color of Anne's eyes.
I can't tell whether they're blue, or
whether they're violet. What would you
say, Mrs. Schuyler?
MRS. SCHUYLER
(bursting)
Why�
ANNE
(quickly)
Don't say it, Mother, please. Mr. Smith
came here today to do us a great favor.
71. CLOSER SHOT
Anne, Mrs. Schuyler and Stew. Mrs. Schuyler,
with an effort, restraining her impulse
to yank Stew out by the collar, speaks:
? 30 ?
MRS. SCHUYLER
(bursting with wrath)
Indeed? Perhaps he will do me a great
favor.
STEW
(elaborate bow)
With pleasure, Madame!
MRS. SCHUYLER
Get out of here.
ANNE
(distressed)
Oh, Mother!
STEW
(with dignity)
It's all right. It's all right, Anne.
I can take a hint. A bit subtle, but
I get it. It's all right.
ANNE
Please go. I'll explain to Mother.
He steps close to Mrs. Schuyler's side.
STEW
The caviar was lovely, Madam.
72. WIDER SHOT
Stew starts to the door, smiles at Anne,
and remarks to Mrs. Schuyler as he passes
her:
STEW
You must come over and see us sometime.
Mrs. Schuyler freezes in inarticulate
anger, as Stew gives a courtly bow and
exits.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT
73. MEDIUM SHOT
Anne in a stunning evening dress is
seated, a cocktail in one hand, cigarette
in the other. Dexter Grayson, in evening
clothes, is standing before her.
GRAYSON
Where were you yesterday?
74. CLOSE SHOT - ANNE
She has a faraway, speculative look
in her eyes.
ANNE
Oh, Stew and I went for a long ride.
(dreamily)
Dexter, is there any finishing school
we can send him to?
? 31 ?
75. CLOSE SHOT - GRAYSON
GRAYSON
(witheringly)
Yes - Sing Sing.
CONTINUATION SCENE 74
Anne. She ignores this crack.
ANNE
Just the same, he's going to be a different
person when I get through with him.
CONTINUATION SCENE 75
Grayson. He is looking at her, deeply
disturbed.
GRAYSON
When you get through with him?
76. DOUBLE SHOT
ANNE
Yes, it'll be a very interesting experiment.
GRAYSON
(sneering)
To make a gentleman out of a tramp?
ANNE
Exactly.
GRAYSON
Now, Anne, you remember how much it
cost to get rid of that baseball player?
ANNE
You don't seem to understand that this
one's different. He has brains.
77. MED. CLOSE SHOT
Grayson seats himself beside her on
the divan.
GRAYSON
(fervently)
But what about me, Anne?
She looks at him coldly with almost
an expression of dislike.
ANNE
You? Oh, don't go serious on me, Dexter.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. PENTHOUSE APT. - NIGHT
78. MED. SHOT TRUCKING
An elaborate, modernistic roof apartment,
thronged with people all in evening
dress. Stew and Anne are walking down
among them. Anne is radiant, and Stew
is happily guiding her among the stuffed
shirts. Anne stops before a group. There
is the sound of conversation, laughter,
clink of glasses, music from stringed
invisible orchestra, etc.
? 32 ?
ANNE
Hello, Natalie. Mr. Stewart Smith .
. . Miss Montgomery, Mrs. Eames, Mrs.
Radcliff, Mr. Radcliff�
STEW
How-di-do.
GROUP
(ad-lib acknowledgements)
79. MED. CLOSE SHOT - DEXTER GRAYSON
Standing, helping himself to a cocktail,
which a footman is passing about. Dexter
looks off with a frown of disapproval.
80. CLOSE SHOT - GROUP OF WOMEN
They are looking off in Anne's direction.
FIRST WOMAN
Say, who's Anne's new boyfriend?
SECOND WOMAN
Well, if these old ears don't deceive
me, I believe his name is Smith.
FIRST WOMAN
Smith! Can't be one of the brothers
- he hasn't a beard on.[6]
SECOND WOMAN
Well, he must have something if Anne
has got her clutches on him.
There is the sound of a piano chord
being struck.
81. MED. FULL SHOT
Mrs. Baxter, the hostess, is standing
importantly by the grand piano at which
is seated an anaemic-looking young man.
Beside her stands a stout, swarthy Italian
with bristling mustachios. Mrs. Baxter
bows toward the swarthy one, who bends
almost double in acknowledgement. There
is a polite scattering of applause,
and some of the guests seat themselves.
Martini starts to sing.
Unnoticed by the rest, Stew and Anne
slip out of the door into the roof garden.
EXT. ROOF GARDEN
82. MED. FULL SHOT
A most beautiful, romantic spot. Rose
trees in blossom, a vine-covered pergola,
a splashing fountain, a few choice marble
statues, low, deep chairs placed to
make a gorgeous spot. Stew and Anne
enter from the direction of the house.
The garden is dark except for the lights
from the interior of the house. From
within, comes the voice of the singer
rendering an extremely romantic, sentimental
Italian love song. This will continue
to the FADE OUT of the scene.
Stew and Anne walk, still hand in hand,
toward the edge of the pergola where
the shadows are deeper and where a couple
of glorified steamer chairs are placed.
There is a full moon overhead.
She leads him toward a waterfall effect,
a glass partition down which water trickles.
They go behind the dimly lit fountain
and sit
? 33 ?
in a low, deep divan. We see them in
silhouette as they go into a passionate
embrace. All we hear is the faint voice
of Martini�and the uninterrupted splashing
of the fountain.
CUT TO:
83. CLOSEUP - ANNE & STEW
On divan, arms around each other.
STEW
Anne, pinch me, will you? Throw me out
of here. Give me the air. Throw me out
of this joint, will you?
Anne smiles happily and pinches his
nose.
ANNE
Why should I? We're happy, aren't we,
darling?
STEW
Throw me out - because I'm beginning
to get goofy ideas, and they concern
you, Anne.
ANNE
(passionately)
None of your ideas can be goofy, Stew,
if they concern me.
STEW
(struggling)
My name is Smith - well, that you seem
to have been able to stand for the last
month. I'm white, male and over twenty-one.
I've never been in jail - that is, not
often. And I prefer Scotch to Bourbon.
I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like
black coffee and I hate garters. I make
seventy-five bucks a week and I've got
eight hundred and forty-seven bucks
in the bank - and - I don't know yet
whether your eyes are blue or violet.
ANNE
(although he is very close to her)
That's because you're too far away,
Stew.
Throughout his speech, Anne never takes
her eyes off him. As he fumbles now,
he turns. Their eyes meet. His overwhelming
desire for Anne overcomes him.
He dismisses as futile his effort to
be practical, sweeps her into his arms
and kisses her passionately.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN
INT. CITY ROOM OF MORNING POST - DAY
84. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
Typical atmosphere, as before.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
85. MEDIUM SHOT
Featuring Stew at his desk, which is
directly in front of the battery of
Morkrums whose clatter comes into the
sound track.
? 34 ?
Stew finishes up a phone call. He sits
at his desk, staring pensively at his
typewriter. He is smoking a pipe and
is in his shirt-sleeves. His hair is
rumpled, and strewn over the desk is
a bunch of crumpled up pieces of paper,
indicating that he has made numerous
unsuccessful starts at writing something.
A fresh blank sheet of paper is now
in the typewriter.
Nearby, at another desk, asleep in a
swivel chair, with his feet elevated
to the desk, the low snoring of another
reporter blends with the sounds of the
Morkrums and other noises of the City
Room. At the reporter's elbow is a telephone.
86. MEDIUM SHOT
Desk of Conroy, the City Editor. A small
upright plate on his desk indicates
his position. This is near the copy
desk. Characteristic activities are
background for any action that may take
place. Reporters come up to throw their
stories on Conroy's desk; the phone
rings, etc.
A boy comes in with a large number of
newspapers under his arm which he throws
on Conroy's desk. There are several
copies of each of the rival newspapers
in town. Conroy spreads them out and
begins to examine them.
87. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
It is evident that he is nervous and
jumpy about something. Finally he starts
to pound the typewriter.
INSERT: Sheet of paper in typewriter
on which is being typed.
ACT 1
SCENE 1
A STREET IN ARABY
88. CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
As she talks on the phone to one of
her girlfriends
GALLAGHER
(sotto voce)
Sure I got a new dress. A new hat too.
(listens) Well, I'll try to get Stew
to come with me. (she glances in his
direction) Yeah - he's all right. You
know, he thinks he's stuck on some society
gal. (listens) Naw, it won't last. It
better not last!
89. CLOSER SHOT - CONROY
Hastily glancing over the headlines
of the papers. The phone rings. Without
looking at it, Conroy answers:
CONROY
What? Oh, I'll be surprised, eh? Listen
if there's any news in that sheet that
I haven't thrown in the wastepaper basket,
I'll eat it.
He is looking down at the papers and
suddenly his eyes focus on something
which causes the cigar to drop from
his mouth and an expression of mingled
amazement and rage comes into his face.
We do not see at this point what it
is he has read, but we know it must
be something sensational. Abruptly he
hangs up the phone.
? 35 ?
CUT TO:
CONTINUATION SCENE 87
Stew, as he studies his typewriter.
Over his CLOSEUP comes the excited outraged
voice of Conroy.
CONROY'S VOICE
Hey Stew! Stew Smith!
A look of infinite weariness and disgust
comes over Stew's face and he grits
his teeth.
STEW
Me?
His general expression registers "Good
god, there he goes again." With one
finger he pounds out four letters:
INSERT: Sheet in typewriter: Next to
A STREET IN ARABY
Stew has typed:
NUTS
He yanks the sheet out of the typewriter.
CONTINUATION SCENE 89
Conroy. He looks over and bellows furiously.
CONROY
You double-crossing hound! Come over
here!
CONTINUATION SCENE 87
Stew gets up from his machine, crumples
the sheet of paper into a wad and flings
it at the sleeping reporter. The wad
strikes him in the face; he wakes abruptly
and automatically reaches for the phone.
He picks up the receiver and in a voice
fogged with sleep calls a number. Stew
exits.
90. MEDIUM SHOT
At Conroy's desk. Conroy's expression
is one of bitter reproach as he leans
back in his swivel chair as Stew approaches
and stands by the desk.
STEW
Now listen boss, if you're going to
kick about that expense account�
CONROY
(interrupting fiercely)
Do you call yourself a reporter?
91. MEDIUM SHOT
Of other reporters, the older man at
the copy desk, and perhaps a sob sister
or two nearby, who look up with expectant
interest, expecting to hear Stew get
a bawling out.
92. CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
At her desk. She looks up worried and
apprehensive.
? 36 ?
CONTINUATION SCENE 90
Stew and Conroy.
STEW
It has been alleged - yes�
CONROY
You wouldn't know news if you fell into
a mess of it, nose first. So you're
the bright lad that's never been scooped!
STEW
(defensively)
Not on my own beat, no.
CONROY
(howling so that he can be heard all
over the room)
No? Well, where were you when that happened?
He slaps the copy of the Tribune furiously
and shoves it into Stew's face.
93. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
Not knowing what it is all about, Stew,
with an injured expression, takes the
paper and looks at it.
INSERT: Front page of Tribune
ANN SCHUYLER ELOPES WITH REPORTER
(with subheads giving more explicit
information)
94. MEDIUM SHOT
The other reporters, copy readers, sob
sisters, etc., seeing the unusual commotion
and Stew's bewildered reaction, get
out of their chairs and cross over to
the City Desk, where they take up other
copies of the same paper to look at.
There are amazed and excited exclamations.
95. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND CONROY
Stew, still staring dumbly at the paper.
A few others are crowding around, glancing
over his shoulder, etc.
CONROY
I've heard of people being scooped on
their own funerals, but this! Holy mackerel!
Why, it's news when Anne Schuyler gets
her fingernails manicured, but this!
She gets married to one of our own reporters
and the Tribune beat us to it!
(he notices other reporters milling
around)
Well! What do you guys want? Go on,
get back to your desks. Go back to your
work.
(returning his attention to Stew)
Now don't tell me you were drunk at
the time and don't remember! Or is this
one of Bingy's snow-storms?
STEW
No, no - it's true, all right, only
we didn't want to get it in print yet,
that's all.
CONROY
Why not?
? 37 ?
STEW
Well, you see, I've acquired one of
those new mother-in-laws, and we were
afraid she wouldn't understand the whole
idea. So we were going to wait till
she went to Europe.
CONROY
What do I care about your mother-in-law!
You're still working for this paper,
aren't you! Or are you?
STEW
Yes, sir.
CONROY
Well, it's your business to get news!
And here you had a story right in your
own lap and you let the Tribune scoop
us on it. Making a first class Grade
A monkey out of me. If it ever happens
again - just don't bother about coming
back. That's all.
He dismisses Stew with a wave of his
hand.
STEW
Thanks for your congratulations.
96. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew turns away from Conroy's desk,
and a group of his confreres come up,
surrounding him in a series of ad-lib
congratulations. (Some slightly profane,
pounding him on the back, whooping,
and in general manifesting great surprise
and glee.) This group is increased by
copy readers, office boys and everybody
jabbering and shouting at him.
GROUP
(ad-lib congratulations)
Stew manages to break thru them and
exits from scene.
97. MEDIUM SHOT
Gallagher�to intercut with above scene.
She gets up and goes over, CAMERA PANNING
WITH HER and picks up another copy of
the paper and reads the headlines.
98. CLOSER SHOT - GALLAGHER
Her face stricken and sick as she reads
about Stew's marriage. Abruptly she
turns away, out of scene.
99. MEDIUM SHOT
At Gallagher's empty desk. Stew comes
in trying to stave off the mob. He turns
on the congratulators, pushing them
off.
STEW
What's the matter with you mugs? Can't
a guy get married without all this?
(looks around)
Where's Gallagher? Anybody seen Gallagher?
He forcibly breaks away from them and
walks back toward the door, the last
of the wisecracks and goodnatured jeers
being flung after him.
? 38 ?
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. JOE'S SPEAKEASY
100. MED. CLOSE SHOT
Gallagher is seated alone at a table,
looking very forlorn. Her life is suddenly
empty. A drink is in front of her, untouched.
She is fighting hard to keep her emotions
under control.
Stew enters the speakeasy and mingles
with patrons, who offer congratulations.
He comes to a stop by the table. She
looks up, forcing a smile.
STEW
Well, well, well! Gallagher, old pal!
There you are. What did you run away
for?
GALLAGHER
I didn't run away.
Stew draws out the other chair at the
table and sits down.
101. CLOSER SHOT OF THE TWO
He looks across at her, grinning boyishly,
utterly unaware that what he has done
has hurt her deeply.
STEW
Sure, you ran away. Aren't you going
to congratulate a guy?
GALLAGHER
(with sincerity)
Sure. I wish you all the luck in the
world, pal.
She puts her hand tenderly on his.
STEW
Thanks, thanks.
GALLAGHER
I hope you'll be very happy.
Stew expands under the comradeship of
Gallagher. He wants to talk.
STEW
Oh sure, we'll be happy. What's the
matter with your eyes?
GALLAGHER
It's the smoke.
STEW
(calling to bartender)
Joe! A little snifter.
(returning his attention to Gallagher)
Say, wasn't I a lucky guy to fall into
a girl like that, huh?
(he notices the newspaper, which Gallagher
has been reading)
Look at that! I don't know how I rate
that, Gallagher. Gosh, there's a swell
girl. I want you to meet her.
? 39 ?
GALLAGHER
Who me? She wouldn't want to meet me.
I'm just an old load of hay.
102. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
As his drink is served.
STEW
Ah! Thank you, Joe.
(returning his attention to Gallagher)
Tell you what - we'll have one of those
parties down at your house - one of
those spaghetti parties, you know. Gee,
we haven't had one of those in a long
time, have we Gallagher?
103. CLOSE SHOT OF THE TWO
GALLAGHER
(quietly)
Not since you broke into society.
STEW
(waxing reminiscent)
Remember the time we had a spaghetti
party, and while I was serving the spaghetti
I dropped it on the floor, and while
those mugs weren't looking, I picked
it up and served it to them anyway!
Remember that? Yes, Anne would love
that.
104. CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
Looking across at him.
GALLAGHER
Do you think your wife would walk up
three flights of stairs just to eat
out of paper plates?
105. DOUBLE SHOT
STEW
Who - Anne? Sure, Anne would love that.
GALLAGHER
Remember, she's a Schuyler.
STEW
Now get this, Gallagher - Smith. That's
the name.
GALLAGHER
(murmurs)
My error.
STEW
Well, if she doesn't want to come, I'll
come down alone.
GALLAGHER
(shaking her head)
Oh no, you won't, Mr. Smith. You're
a married man now. Mother always warned
me never to run around with married
men.
? 40 ?
STEW
(resentfully)
Say, what kind of a pal are you? You're
not going to leave me flat?
Gallagher tries to be elaborately casual.
GALLAGHER
Oh, I'll call you up some time. And
if your social duties permit - why -
STEW
Cut that out. Just because I'm married
- there's no reason for that.
Gallagher looks up and off, seeing something
that startles her.
106. MED. SHOT
Conroy, the City Editor, entering the
speakeasy.
CONTINUATION SCENE 105
Stew and Gallagher.
GALLAGHER
(interrupting in a whisper)
Hey, ixnay - here's the ossbay.[7]
Stew looks around, also startled.
107. MED. SHOT
Stew buries his head in the newspaper,
in pretense of looking for something.
Conroy appears at the table and stops.
He indicates Stew.
CONROY
What's the Benedict[8] looking for in
the newspaper - his lost freedom?
Stew slowly sticks his head up over
the top of the table, looking up.
STEW
(grinning sheepishly)
Well, if it isn't old Fagin[9] himself.
Conroy sits down at the table.
STEW
Gallagher and myself just came over
here to do a little work on a story
-
CONROY
(disgustedly)
Baloney!
(calls off)
Joe! Bring me a special!
108. CLOSER THREE SHOT
Gallagher tries to be very bright and
smiling.
GALLAGHER
(to Conroy)
Isn't it swell about Stew's marriage?
? 41 ?
CONROY
(looking straight at her)
Is it?
Gallagher, self-conscious, realizes
this tough old buzzard is on to her.
She looks back at him for a moment -
then drops her head. Stew is oblivious
to this by-play. Conroy turns to Stew.
CONROY
Well, when are you quitting?
STEW
Quitting? I'm not thinking about quitting.
Joe comes in with a drink for Conroy.
CONROY
I take it you don't have to work for
a living any more�
He takes a sip of his drink and looks
over meaningfully.
CONROY
�Mr. Schuyler .
STEW
(in a flash of anger)
Now get this, Conroy. My name is Smith.
Always was Smith - and always gonna
be Smith.
CONROY
Is that so?
STEW
That's so.
109. CLOSEUP - CONROY
He shows that he is genuinely interested
in Stew and his problems, but can't
help being a little sarcastic.
CONROY
Anne Schuyler's in the Blue Book - you're
not even in the phone book. Think that
one over, sucker.
CAMERA PANS to CLOSEUP of GALLAGHER.
GALLAGHER
(quickly in Stew's defense)
That doesn't make any difference�
(quietly)
�if they love each other.
CAMERA PANS BACK to CLOSEUP of CONROY.
CONROY
Blah! It's like a giraffe marrying a
monkey.
(looking off at Stew)
Listen - you'll never be anything but
just the reporter that married the Schuyler's
millions. Stew Smith is dead and buried.
From now on, you'll be just Anne Schuyler's
husband. A rich
? 42 ?
wife's magnolia. If you can smoke that
without getting sick, you're welcome
to it.
CAMERA PANS to CLOSEUP of STEW:
GALLAGHER'S VOICE
But that's perfectly ridiculous.
STEW
(defensively)
Wait a minute. Now, Gallagher, let me
do the talking. Get this, Conroy - Anne
Schuyler has got a lot of dough, all
right - and I married her, all right
- but her dough and me? No connection.
110. MED. CLOSE THREE SHOT
Gallagher is looking fixedly at Stew
- very much worried about Conroy's dismal
prophecies. Conroy shakes his head in
sorrowful gloom.
CONROY
(as if he had not heard Stew)
Just a boid in a gilded cage -[10]
STEW
A what?
CONROY
You heard me. A bird in a gilded cage.
STEW
Aw, you've been reading a lot of cheap
tabloids. Anne and myself are going
to move downtown in a nice little flat,
we're gonna forget all about this social
stuff, and we're gonna be known as Mr.
and Mrs. Stew Smith. How do you like
that?
CONROY
(sarcasm)
And live on your salary, I suppose?
STEW
Yeah, live on my salary - that is, until
I finish writing my play.
CONROY
(snorts)
What play?
STEW
My play.
CONROY
The one about the Siberian bloodhound?
STEW
Siberian bloodhound? No. That's been
all rewritten. It's laid in Araby now.
CONROY
Araby?
STEW
Sure.
? 43 ?
CONROY
Araby, my eye�!
111. WIDER SHOT
Conroy, having finished his drink, pushes
back his chair and rises. He puts an
affectionate hand on Stew's shoulder.
CONROY
Well, I'm sorry to see a good reporter
go blooey�
(starts away)
Let me know when you're quitting.
STEW
I'm not quitting!
CONROY
No?
STEW
No!
CONROY
(singing)
'For he's only a bird in a gilded cage,
a beautiful sight to see�'
(he waves his hand)
Tweet, tweet - ha, ha�
He laughs loud and raucously and exits.
112. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND GALLAGHER
Stew glares after Conroy.
STEW
(under his breath)
Laugh - laugh, you hyena!
Gallagher realizes that Conroy has hit
home with the truth and is sorry for
Stew. She puts her hand over his sympathetically.
GALLAGHER
Don't pay attention to him, Stew. He
doesn't know what he's talking about.
STEW
Pay attention? I'm not paying any attention
to him. You think that guy could get
me upset? Hah! Not that mug. He's a
tough mug - hard, cynical. He doesn't
know the fine things in life - that
guy.
(he swirls his drink, thinking)
A bird in a gilded cage, huh? It's getting
so a guy can't step out without being
called a magnolia. Stew Smith, a magnolia!
Not me. Say, I'm not going to hang around
and be a speakeasy rat all my life!
I'll tell you that. Not me, not me.
I'm going to step out and mean something
in this world. You watch me.
(he swirls his drink, clearly bothered,
lost in his own thoughts)
Say, am I a lucky guy to be near Anne
Schuyler? I've been hit with a carload
of horseshoes, and believe me I know
it. Lucky, I'll say I'm lucky!
? 44 ?
(pause)
Don't you think I'm lucky, Gallagher?
GALLAGHER
Sure - I think so, Stew.
STEW
I knew you would, pal.
(clearly bothered)
A bird in a gilded cage, eh?
GALLAGHER
How is her family going to feel about
it?
STEW
Her family? Oh, they'll be all right.
I'll bring them around.
(swirling his drink)
Gilded cage?! Besides, I'm not marrying
her family. Stew Smith in a gilded cage!
Stew Smith? Ha!
(clearly bothered)
That mug. What does he know?
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - DAY
113. MED. FULL SHOT
Another jury scene. This time it is
Anne who's on the carpet. Grayson, in
correct afternoon attire, his hands
behind his back and his head sunk, is
pacing back and forth in a very depressed
and gloomy fashion.
Anne is seated, her demeanor betokening
sullen defiance.
Michael is pacing, nervously smoking
a cigarette.
MICHAEL
I don't know what you need me here for
- it isn't my funeral.
Mrs. Schuyler stands by a table, staring
at a spreadout newspaper which is laid
out on the table. She flings the newspaper
aside.
MRS. SCHUYLER
You stay right here, Michael. Some day
you'll be head of this family, but thank
heaven I shan't be here when it happens.
And I hope you never have a daughter
who gives you gastritis as Anne has
me!
She pulls the bell rope for the butler.
ANNE
Now Mother, calm yourself. There's no
use in getting so excited.
114. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler is vastly agitated.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Oh, isn't there?
? 45 ?
(as Anne starts to get up)
Sit down!
(looking off)
Smythe!
The butler appears in the doorway.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(in a weak, agonized voice)
Some bicarbonate - quick!
SMYTHE
Double strength!
The butler bows and exits. She passes
a nervous hand over her eyes. Anne comes
up to her.
ANNE
Mother, if you keep this up, you'll
have a nervous breakdown before you
go to Europe.
115. CLOSER SHOT
Anne, Grayson and Mrs. Schuyler.
MRS. SCHUYLER
It's a good thing your father passed
away before he saw insanity ravage the
family. I can't imagine what made you
do such a thing. A reporter! Of all
things, a reporter! A barbarian who
lets his socks come down!
ANNE
Mother, I promise you that he won't
be a reporter much longer. Once I get
him away from that atmosphere and get
him away from a man named Gallagher�
MRS. SCHUYLER
(as Anne starts to get up again)
Sit down!
116. WIDER SHOT
The butler enters with a tray on which
is a glass of bicarbonate of soda and
brings it to Mrs. Schuyler. Walking
immediately behind the butler is Stew,
airily debonair. The butler glances
somewhat uneasily at Mrs. Schuyler as
he presents the tray. She glares blackly
at Stew without a word of greeting,
and taking the foaming glass from the
tray, starts to lift it to her lips.
STEW
(airily)
Drink hearty, Mother.
Once more, Anne starts to rise out of
her seat.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne!
Mrs. Schuyler pauses - glowering at
Stew. Stew nods perfunctorily to each
member of the jury, the total innocent.
STEW
Hello, Anne. Mr. Grayson.
? 46 ?
(to Michael)
And you.
(to Mrs. Schuyler)
Mrs. Schuyler!
Grayson does not acknowledge the greeting.
Mrs. Schuyler, having drained the glass,
dismisses the butler with a wave of
the hand, and directs her attention
again to the matter at hand.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(in command)
Well, what's to be done? He's here now.
They are all silent - reluctant to speak
in front of Stew. Stew looks at them
all - a little puzzled - then he walks
over toward Mrs. Schuyler.
117. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler and Stew.
STEW
Nobody seems to want to do anything�
(to Mrs. Schuyler, brightly)
Why not ask me? Perhaps I can offer
a suggestion. Do what about what?
MRS. SCHUYLER
(witheringly)
About what? Your marriage to Anne!
STEW
(with a tone of dismissal)
Oh, my marriage to Anne. Now Mrs. Schuyler,
we don't want you to go to any trouble
about that. We just want the usual blessings,
that's all.
118. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler's eyes flash. She draws
herself up with haughty dignity.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Young man, I want you to know that I
object violently to this whole affair!
This finally brings Anne out of her
seat. She rises and crosses to Stew,
making a show of embracing him.
ANNE
Now Mother, your attitude is perfectly
ridiculous. It's done now. Stewart and
I are married.
STEW
(to Mrs. Schuyler)
I'm afraid she's right, Mrs. Schuyler.
I'm really very sorry, Mrs. Schuyler,
that you feel this way. I was in hopes
that you would like me. I'm not the
burglar that you think I am. After all,
we're married. I think the thing to
do is to kiss and make up - Mother.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(furiously)
Stop calling me Mother!
? 47 ?
STEW
(easily)
All right, Grandma�
MRS. SCHUYLER
(glaring)
This man's impossible! I can't talk
to him. Grayson, let's go where we can
talk - hic!
(she emits a burp, then fixes a glacial
look at Anne)
See what you've done to me!?
Without another word, she turns and
flounces angrily out of the room. Grayson
follows her. At the doorway he pauses,
starts to say something. They all look
at him expectantly - but no words come
out.
STEW
Got it too, huh?
Grayson gives a harrumph and exits.
119. CLOSER MEDIUM SHOT
Anne, Michael and Stew. Michael grins
at Stew.
MICHAEL
Who won that round?
Michael starts moving toward the door.
STEW
(ruefully)
I'm afraid your mother won that round
- that is, she got in the last blow.
MICHAEL
I don't feel the way they do. You're
really not as bad as everybody thinks.
STEW
(effusively - shaking his hand)
You're beginning to appreciate me, eh?
Thanks!
MICHAEL
Don't worry too much about Mother -
she's enjoying this. Come on upstairs,
I'll give you a little -
He indicates a snifter, grins and exits.
Anne crosses to Stew and puts her arm
around his shoulder.
STEW
(to Michael)
A little�? Sure, I'll be right up.
(to Anne)
He's all right. I like him.
ANNE
I'm glad.
He sees two figures pass above in a
proscenium alcove, first Mrs. Schuyler,
then Grayson. He makes an elaborate
bow to each, and is impressed by Grayson's
return bow.
? 48 ?
STEW
He can bend!
120. CLOSER SHOT
Anne takes a step backwards and sits
down with him on one of the divans.
CAMERA TILTING DOWN WITH THEM. He puts
an arm about her.
ANNE
Come here baby!
Anne starts fussing abstractedly at
Stew's tie. They kiss.
ANNE
I haven't seen you for three hours.
You're neglecting me already�
During her speech she has been picking
away at a stain on his tie. Stew looks
down and notices it.
STEW
What's the matter? Something I et, no
doubt. Egg marks the spot�
ANNE
You ought to get some new ties, Stewart.
STEW
I don't need any new ties. I've got
another tie - I've got another one besides
this one. And it's a pip, too. There's
only one thing wrong with it. You know
what that is? It has a little weakness
for gravy, and once in a while it leans
a little toward ketchup. Of course that's
only in its weaker moments. When you
move down to my place, I'll show it
to you.
Anne is somewhat taken aback at the
suggestion that she's to move into his
place.
ANNE
Your place?
121. TWO SHOT - ANOTHER ANGLE
STEW
Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course it doesn't
compare with this coliseum of yours
here, but 'twill serve m'lady, 'twill
serve.
(elaborate)
The architecture has a little feeling
of Missouri Gothic - and the furniture
sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance
- with a tiny touch of Grand Rapids.
ANNE
(gently insistent)
Don't you think it's silly of us to
think of living there when we have this
whole big house�
STEW
When 'we' . . .? You mean, you'd like
to have me live here in your house?
? 49 ?
Anne cuddles closer into his collar.
ANNE
Sure. We can have the whole left wing
and be all by ourselves all the time.
Stew is slightly dazed.
122. CLOSEUP - STEW
He is slightly dazed.
STEW
(cynically)
We could have the whole left wing? Wouldn't
that be nice! Would that be room enough
for us?
123. TWO SHOT
ANNE
(seriously - missing his sarcasm)
Oh darling, of course it would. If it
isn't - there are six rooms and two
baths - but if that isn't enough, Mother
will give us the blue room too, I think.
STEW
Oh, Mother will give us the blue room.
You haven't a red room, have you? Well,
bless her heart. Wouldn't that be nice!
My, oh my - six rooms and two baths
and a blue room. I guess she would let
us have the right wing if we needed
it, wouldn't she?
ANNE
But we don't need it, I'm sure.
STEW
I see, we won't need that. Plenty of
room, plenty of room.
124. WIDER SHOT
He gets up and paces the floor. He looks
at Anne and sees that she is taking
him seriously. He drops down beside
her.
STEW
(dropping his kidding)
Look Anne, you're not serious about
this, are you?
ANNE
Of course I am Stewart.
125. CLOSER TWO SHOT
STEW
Now let's get this settled�
She cuddles closer, tweaking his nose.
ANNE
You have the cutest nose I've�
? 50 ?
STEW
Never mind my nose. What kind of a chump
do you think I am? You think I'm going
to live here in your house - on your
dough? What do you think my friends
would all say? Don't be silly. I'd get
the razzing of my life for that. 'A
bird in a gilded cage' - that's what
I'd be. Not me. Oh no, not me!
ANNE
What do you think my friends would say
if they found me in a little cheap flat?
STEW
It isn't cheap. It's nice.
ANNE
(cuddling closer)
Listen Stew baby, let's not talk about
things like that now�
STEW
Wait a minute. I'll do anything you
ask me, Anne, but I will not live�
ANNE
(cuddling closer - and stroking his
nose)
Oh, I love that nose. It's such a sweet
nose.
They kiss.
STEW
Nevertheless, whether the nose is sweet
or not, I'm not going to live in your
house. You may as well get that straight.
They kiss again, longer.
STEW
You do want me to be happy, don't you?
Then I'm not going to live in your house
. . .
They continue to kiss as . . .
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STEW'S BEDROOM - MORNING
126. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
In bed, asleep, all curled up, his head
on his arm. CAMERA TRUCKS BACK showing
the magnificent bedroom, with carved
wooden panellings, a raised, canopied
bed. The clothes that Stew has taken
off the night before are draped haphazardly
about the room. When the Camera gets
to a point that takes in a LONG SHOT
of the room, the door to the hall opens
and a correctly attired valet appears.
He closes the door noiselessly, goes
over to the windows, and draws the brocaded
drapes aside. Then he crosses to a covered
object and with a small flourish removes
the cover - revealing a birdcage. He
approaches the bed.
127. CLOSER SHOT
As Dawson the valet stops beside the
bed. The valet leans over and speaks
distinctly.
DAWSON
Mr. Smith, sir�
There is no movement from the form on
the bed.
? 51 ?
DAWSON
Mr. Smith, sir!
Still no response. The valet taps the
bedclothes-shrouded shoulder gently.
DAWSON
Mr. Smith, sir�
Sleepily, Stew turns, his eyes heavy
with sleep.
128. MEDIUM SHOT
DAWSON
How do you like your bath, sir?
STEW
I like my bath all right. How do you
like your bath?
Stew peers up, puzzled.
STEW
Who are you?
DAWSON
(surprised)
I'm your valet, sir. Dawson is the name,
sir.
STEW
You're my what?
DAWSON
Your valet, sir.
Stew still stares at him. Then he nods
to himself - thinks he gets the idea.
Stew kicks back the covers and sits
on the edge of the bed in his pajamas.
Still sitting on the edge of the bed,
he starts to slip his feet into a pair
of slippers. The valet bends on one
knee to help him.
STEW
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll
do that for you some time. That's very
sweet. Say listen, what did you say
your name was?
DAWSON
Dawson, sir.
STEW
Dawson, huh? Was I very drunk last night?
DAWSON
Drunk, sir?
Stew rises and starts to reach for a
dressing gown, but again the valet beats
him to it - holding it for him and helping
him slip into it.
STEW
Yes. I must have been pretty much plastered
if I hired a valet.
DAWSON
Oh, but you didn't engage me, sir.
? 52 ?
Stew, surprised, turns on him quickly.
STEW
Who did engage you then, if I didn't
engage you? What are you doing with
my pants�
The valet picks up his pants.
STEW
Did you take anything out of those pants?
DAWSON
Oh no, sir!
STEW
What are you doing fooling around in
here?
DAWSON
Miss Schuyler - I mean, Mrs. Smith -
she engaged me this morning, sir.
Stew pulls out a cigarette. The valet,
without missing a beat, leans over and
offers a light. A wary Stew accepts.
STEW
Hmmm. So Mrs. Smith engaged me a valley,
huh? That's very nice of Mrs. Smith
- to engage me a valley.
129. WIDER SHOT
Stew walks over and gets a cigarette
out of a box on a small table, waving
his hand in a gesture of dismissal.
The valet is right behind him, holding
up his bathrobe for Stew to step into.
STEW
(putting on the bathrobe)
Say, you are nice. You're all right.
You'd make a good wife.
DAWSON
Thank you, sir.
STEW
But not for me! Though I like you well
enough. You're a nice fellow. You're
all right. But I'm sorry I don't need
any valleys today.
The valet pays no attention to him,
but walks around the room, picking up
the clothes that Stew has flung about.
DAWSON
Oh, but indeed you do, sir, if you don't
mind my saying so. A gentleman's gentleman,
as it were. Someone to draw your bath,
lay out your clothes, help to dress
you - it's really most essential, sir.
Stew, with his cigarette between his
lips, stands watching the valet as he
retrieves the various articles of cast-off
clothing. The valet's manner is somewhat
patronizing. He walks over to a chifferobe
and starts opening the drawers, preparatory
to laying out fresh things for Stew.
Suddenly, Stew stalks over to him, takes
him by the shoulder, and yanks him around
to face him.
? 53 ?
130. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND DAWSON
The valet is astonished and somewhat
alarmed at the belligerent expression
on Stew's face.
STEW
(over-sweetly)
Are you trying to tell me that I need
someone to help me put on my pants and
button them up?
DAWSON
Quite so. Quite.
STEW
Now I'm sorry. I appreciate your efforts.
But I don't need anybody to help me
button my pants - I've been buttoning
my pants for thirty years all right,
and I can button 'em with one hand as
a matter of fact.
DAWSON
Now Mr. Smith, now please�
Stew is rapidly losing his temper.
STEW
You've got a nice face, Dawson, you
wouldn't want anything to happen to
your face, would you?
The valet puts a bewildered hand to
his face.
DAWSON
Oh no, sir�
Stew releases him with a definite motion
toward the door.
STEW
All right, outside!
DAWSON
(bewildered)
I beg your pardon, sir?
STEW
(gesturing violently)
Outside!
The valet gazes at Stew as if he thinks
the man is insane. He is considerably
alarmed.
DAWSON
I think I understand, sir. You mean
you want me to go?
STEW
(smiling admiringly)
There you are. You caught on. You see,
you're nice and you're smart too. You
caught on right away. Outside! Go on!
Outside! And don't come back!
131. MEDIUM SHOT
The valet starts edging toward the door.
? 54 ?
DAWSON
No, sir. No!
Stew's eyes bulge as he notices the
birdcage for the first time.
STEW
Wait a minute, what's this?
INSERT: Birdcage.
BACK TO SCENE:
DAWSON
That's a canary, sir.
STEW
That's a canary! Who brought that in
here? Canary, huh? Go on, get that out
of here. Get that out of here!
DAWSON
(frightened)
Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
STEW
(ranting)
A bird! A bird in a gilded cage! Get
that thing out of here!
DAWSON
Yes sir!
The valet hurries off, carrying the
birdcage. As he nears the door, there
is a light tap on the door connecting
Stew's room and Anne's. The door opens
and Anne comes in, wearing a ravishing
and revealing negligee. She carries
a small jeweler's box in her hand. She
crosses the room toward Stew.
ANNE
Good morning, darling.
She looks over and sees Dawson at the
hall door.
ANNE
Oh, Dawson, see that all Mr. Smith's
clothes go to the cleaners this morning,
please, will you?
The valet bows. Stew looks at her blankly.
DAWSON
Very good, madame.
He closes the door discreetly and goes
out.
132. CLOSER SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
As they hug.
STEW
Say, who is this mug?
Anne sits down on the rumpled bed.
? 55 ?
ANNE
I've got a present. Shut your eyes.
Keep 'em closed. I know you're going
to love them.
STEW
(eyes closed, feeling the package)
Little - couldn't be an automobile,
could it?
(he opens the package)
Well, well! Ain't that nice!
He holds them up - expensive garters.
ANNE
Do you like them?
STEW
Got my initials on them too. They're
cute. They're nice little things - what
do you do with them?
ANNE
You wear them of course, silly.
STEW
Oh no. No, no. Not me. I haven't worn
these things for Years.
ANNE
I know that.
STEW
Besides I'd look foolish. I couldn't
look Gallagher in the face.
ANNE
Darling, I don't care whether you can
look Gallagher in the face or not, but
you're gonna be a good boy and wear
garters.
STEW
Honey, I love you. I'll eat spinach
for you. I'll go to the dentist twice
a year for you. I'll wash behind my
ears for you. But I will never wear
garters!
His arms go about Anne. Under the force
of his embrace Anne sinks back on the
pillows. Stew leans forward looking
down at her.
133. CLOSE TWO SHOT - STEW AND ANNE
Nose to nose.
ANNE
(adopting a sing-song)
Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you
will my dear - you'll wear garters and
you'll like it too!
STEW
(picking up her sing-song)
Oh, no I won't my dear - oh, no I won't
my dear - I'll wash behind my ears,
but no I won't my dear!
He bends to kiss her again, but she
gently resists, and continues the sing-song.
? 56 ?
ANNE
Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you
will my dear - you'll eat spinach but
you'll wear garters too!
STEW
Oh, you can't carry a tune - you can't
carry a tune - all you are good for
is to sit and spoon, spoon. Oh no, I
won't wear garters�
ANNE
Oh yes you will wear garters�
They melt into each other's arms.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CITY ROOM OF NEWSPAPER OFFICE -
DAY
134. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
General activity, as before.
CAMERA TRUCKS DOWN THE MAIN AISLE until
it centers on Stew at his desk, sitting
low in his chair, his feet cocked up
on the corner of his desk, reading a
newspaper
CAMERA TRUCKS UP CLOSER centering on
his feet on the desk. One trouser leg
is pulled slightly up and reveals a
garter.
135. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Stew, reading the newspaper. It is opened
up before his face.
INSERT: Headlines - about a three-column
article:
ANNE SCHUYLER AND CINDERELLA HUBBY TO
OCCUPY SCHUYLER MANSION
As Stew reads this, he looks very glum
and depressed.
136. MEDIUM SHOT
A reporter, the one Stew had socked
with a wad of paper in an earlier sequence,
shambles past and stops abruptly, staring
at Stew's feet.
INSERT: Of what he sees. Stew's feet.
The socks are strangely taut.
BACK TO SCENE:
The reporter glances up and sees that
Stew cannot see him, and then carefully
lifts Stew's trouser leg a few inches.
INSERT: Stew's feet and legs. As the
reporter's hand lifts the trouser leg,
the fancy solid-gold garters are on
full display.
BACK TO SCENE:
The reporter stares at them goggle-eyed.
He can hardly contain himself at the
sight of the garters. He looks off:
REPORTER
(cautiously)
Psst!
137. WIDER SHOT
One or two other reporters hear him
and look over curiously. The reporter
looks very mysterious and important
and makes a motion for silence and caution.
They get up and cross on tip-toe to
join him.
? 57 ?
138. MEDIUM SHOT
The men around Stew. They quietly gather
around his feet and the reporter who
made the discovery proudly displays
his find. One or two more step by and
all stare. Stew still has the paper
up in front of his face.
FIRST REPORTER
Is it real?
2ND REPORTER
Of course it's real!
3RD REPORTER
Any diamonds on them?
REPORTER
Musta set him back at least six bits.[11]
139. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Stew. (Camera behind him and shooting
over his head.) He is suddenly attracted
by this unusual conversation and lowers
his paper, revealing the group of six
or seven men in a huddle round his feet.
2ND REPORTER
One just can't wear those and be decent.
3RD REPORTER
Yes you can, if you belong to the Four
Hundred.[12]
2ND REPORTER
I wonder what number he is.
Stew flares in anger. Several of them
are bending low to get a close peek.
With a violent gesture, Stew kicks his
foot forward and sends a couple of them
sprawling. Stew gets to his feet.
STEW
Go on, get out of there! What's the
matter with you mugs? Didn't you ever
see a guy with a pair of garters on
before?
140. MEDIUM SHOT
The two reporters who have done most
of the talking scramble to their feet.
The second reporter speaks in mock perplexity.
REPORTER
What do you suppose he wears them for?
2ND REPORTER
Can it be possible to hold his socks
up?
3RD REPORTER
Yeah, exactly.
(effeminately)
You know, one's hose look horribly untidy
when they hang loose-like, don't you
think so, percifield?
Stew gets up as his phone rings. He
pays no attention to it. Hank, another
reporter, answers.
? 58 ?
4TH REPORTER
(same effeminacy)
Yes, my dear chap - they look ghastly
- they look ghastly!
STEW
Go on! Screw! Get out of here!
He starts out when Hank calls to him:
HANK
Hey, Stew!
Stew turns.
HANK
(indicating phone)
Your policeman!
Stew comes back and, frowning, picks
up the phone.
141. CLOSE SHOT
Stew at phone.
STEW
Hello? Oh hello dear. Wait just a minute�
(to reporters, hovering around)
Come on! Beat it, will you? Screw! Screw!
This is my wife! In your respective
chapeaux and over your cauliflower ears.
REPORTERS
(ad-lib teasing comments as they exit
scene)
INT. ANNE'S BEDROOM
142. CLOSEUP - ANNE
She is lying on her stomach on a rubbing
table, as used by a masseuse. We see
a considerable part of her back, on
which a middle-aged Swedish masseuse
is industriously working. Anne has the
telephone in her hand. Throughout her
scene, we hear very telling whacks:
ANNE
(into phone)
But it's nearly six o'clock darling,
and you know how long it takes you to
dress.
(pause)
But the Ambassador is coming at eight,
and you've got to be ready by the time
he gets here.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SCHUYLER LONG ISLAND ESTATE
143. LONG SHOT OF ESTATE
DISSOLVE INTO:
144. EXT. FRONT ENTRANCE GATE
Two footmen stand at either side of
a huge iron gate. Cars and limousines
are arriving, dropping off guests in
evening wear.
INT. CORRIDOR SCHUYLER HOME
145. Gallagher is just entering. Smythe
holds door open for her.
? 59 ?
GALLAGHER
I'd like to see Miss Wilson, please.
SMYTHE
Who shall I say, madam?
GALLAGHER
Miss Gallagher of the Post.
SMYTHE
Yes, miss.
He leaves.
146. INT. SCHUYLER RECEPTION HALL
MOSS AND FONTANA are doing a beautiful
tango. Guests scattered around the room,
watching interestedly.
CUT BACK TO:
147. INT. CORRIDOR SCHUYLER HOME
Gallagher is still waiting. Smythe enters,
leading Miss Wilson, a refined-looking
girl of 26 or so, her hand extended.
SMYTHE
Miss Gallagher of the Post.
MISS WILSON
Oh yes - of course. Miss Gallagher?
GALLAGHER
Yes.
MISS WILSON
I'm Miss Wilson - Mrs. Schuyler's social
secretary.
GALLAGHER
I was sent from the Post in place of
our social editor.
MISS WILSON
Yes, of course. Miss Ramsey telephoned
me. Well, what would you like to have?
GALLAGHER
Why, a list of the guests. That's the
usual thing, isn't it?
MISS WILSON
Yes, of course. I'll get it for you�
(smiling)
In the meantime, would you like to take
a look around?
GALLAGHER
Yes, thank you.
The CAMERA MOVES WITH THEM as they start
for the Reception Room.
MISS WILSON
That's a lovely dress.
? 60 ?
GALLAGHER
Thank you.
(pause)
Where is Mr. Smith?
MISS WILSON
Mr. Smith? Oh, you mean Ann Schuyler's
husband?
GALLAGHER
Yes.
MISS WILSON
He's probably very tired. You see, he's
had to meet all these people personally
tonight.
GALLAGHER
I bet.
MISS WILSON
You newspaper people have a lot of fun
with him, don't you? What is it you
call him - the Cinderella Man?
CUT TO:
148. INT. ENTRANCE OF BALLROOM
Moss and Fontana are just finishing
their dance. Gallagher stands in doorway
with Miss Wilson, watching them. Excited
voices comment on the dance. Miss Wilson
beckons to Gallagher to follow her.
CAMERA TRUCKS with them as they weave
in and out of crowd. Miss Wilson points
out celebrated guests to her.
MISS WILSON
There's the Spanish Ambassador.
Gallagher steals a glance at the celebrated
gentleman.
GALLAGHER
You know, he looks like one.
Miss Wilson laughs delightedly. At this
point they are interrupted by a butler.
149. MEDIUM SHOT
BUTLER
Miss Wilson�
MISS WILSON
Yes?
BUTLER
Mrs. Smith would like to see you.
MISS WILSON
(to Gallagher)
Will you excuse me? Make yourself at
home for just a moment, please.
GALLAGHER
Thanks.
? 61 ?
Miss Wilson follows butler out of scene.
Gallagher is left alone. She wanders
about the huge ballroom, peering here
and there, searching for Stew. Finally
she comes to a large open French door
and steps out.
150. INT. TERRACE LEADING OFF SCHUYLER
BALLROOM
Several groups of men and women are
seated at tables. Gallagher enters from
ballroom, glances quickly at all the
men. Disappointed at not finding Stew,
she crosses terrace and descends broad
stone steps and advances into garden.
151. INT. SECLUDED SPOT IN GARDEN
Stew, his head cupped in his hands,
is seated on a stone bench. Gallagher
wanders into scene. She sees Stew and
stops. Stew does not move. Gallagher,
with a happy smile on her lips, moves
closer to him. Stew suddenly becomes
conscious of someone near him and looks
suddenly up. He sees Gallagher; his
face breaks into a happy grin.
GALLAGHER
Mr. Smith, I've read some of your plays
and I'd like an autograph.
STEW
Well, well! If it isn't my old friend!
Turn around, gal! Let's get a look at
you.
GALLAGHER
There you are�!
152. CLOSER SHOT OF THE TWO
STEW
Well, daughter of the slums - how did
you get out of the ghetto?
GALLAGHER
I'm pinch-hitting for our society editor
tonight. I wanted to see some life in
the raw.
STEW
Aw, you wanted to see some life in the
raw, huh? Well gal, I'm afraid we ain't
got no raw life up here.
GALLAGHER
Well, I'll have to look someplace else.
STEW
No, no! Maybe we could interest you
in some well done butterflies, or perhaps
some slightly fried pansies, or better
still, some stuffed shirts. And guaranteed
every one of them will give you a good
stiff pain in the neck.
GALLAGHER
(fixing his tie)
Say, who's been tying your ties lately?
It looks rotten.
He suddenly realizes there's something
different about Gallagher. He takes
a step back so as to look her over carefully
- blinks his eyes.
? 62 ?
STEW
Gee Gallagher, do you look good! What
are you doing to yourself?
GALLAGHER
Nothing.
STEW
What did you do to that hair? And where
did you get that dress?
GALLAGHER
I dyed one and washed the other.
STEW
(enthusiastically)
Oh, you dyed one and washed the other.
Well! You certainly look good.
153. ANOTHER PART OF THE GARDEN
Anne is walking in direction of Stew
and Gallagher. She stops suddenly when
she sees them. Her body stiffens.
CUT BACK TO:
ANOTHER SHOT - STEW AND GALLAGHER
From Anne's angle. Gallagher is facing
in the direction of Anne.
GALLAGHER
Don't turn around now - but there's
a very beautiful girl up there who seems
to be staring at us.
STEW
Staring at us?
GALLAGHER
My mistake - she's glaring.
STEW
Must be my wife.
He turns - sees Anne.
STEW
It is my wife. Hi Anne. Don't go away.
Stay right there, because I'm going
to bring a friend up I want you to meet.
They exit.
154. MED. CLOSE SHOT - ANNE
Standing as before. She is looking off
with slightly narrowed eyes. Stew and
Gallagher come up to her.
STEW
Anne, prepare yourself for the treat
of your life. This is Gallagher.
ANNE
(astounded)
Gallagher!
? 63 ?
STEW
Sure - my pal on the paper. She's subbing
for the society editor tonight.
Anne turns an acid smile on the uncomfortable
Gallagher.
155. CLOSER THREE SHOT
ANNE
Oh, yes, of course. How do you do?
STEW
Gallagher, this is Mrs. Smith.
Anne winces slightly at this name.
GALLAGHER
How do you do?
There is a short, awkward pause.
ANNE
(bitter-sweet)
You know, Stewart, you failed to mention
that Miss Gallagher was a very beautiful
young girl.
STEW
Gallagher?
Gallagher flashes a look at Stew - seeing
that he fails to get the dynamite behind
Anne's casually pleasant phrases. Anne
plunges ahead. Her tone is unmistakable
now.
ANNE
Yes. As a matter of fact, you failed
to mention that Gallagher was a girl.
STEW
(surprised)
Didn't I? That's funny. Isn't it funny?
ANNE
(with a world of meaning)
Yes - isn't it?
156. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND ANNE
Stew is beginning to realize that all
is not well as it could be.
STEW
You see, we never look at Gallagher
as a girl�
He breaks off.
ANNE
(with her eyes on Gallagher)
No? What do you look upon her as?
STEW
(fumbling for words)
Why, down at the office, we always look
at Gallagher as - eh - just Gallagher,
that's all.
CAMERA PANS QUICKLY TO CLOSE SHOT of
GALLAGHER. She tries to back Stew up.
? 64 ?
GALLAGHER
(not so comfortable herself)
They all consider me just as one of
the boys.
STEW
Right!
157. MED. SHOT OF THE THREE
ANNE
(a deadly acid smile)
Indeed? How interesting.
GALLAGHER
(same kind of smile)
Yes - isn't it.
Anne takes Stew's arm, drawing him away
from Gallagher.
ANNE
Miss Wilson will give you the guest
list and any other details you may need,
Miss Gallagher.
GALLAGHER
(resenting the tone of dismissal)
Thank you. I'll go and look for her
at once. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith.
ANNE
Goodbye, Miss Gallagher.
GALLAGHER
Goodbye, Stew�
She leaves scene.
158. MED. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND ANNE
Stew turns and faces her.
STEW
That was kind of a rotten thing to do,
Anne. After all, Gallagher is my friend.
The least you can do is be courteous
to her.
ANNE
I thought I was very charming, Stewart.
STEW
You did? That's a lot of hooey! I'll
go and apologize.
He promptly walks away from her in Gallagher's
direction.
ANNE
(furious)
Stewart, please!
She glares angrily at the departing
Stew.
EXT. TERRACE
159. CLOSE SHOT
Gallagher has just reached the ballroom
when Stew catches up to her.
? 65 ?
STEW
I'm sorry, Gallagher - really, I am
sorry.
GALLAGHER
(reassuringly)
Oh, that's all right, Stew. Forget it.
As far as she's concerned, I'm just
part of the hired help.
STEW
No, no. Strange, I've never seen Anne
act that way before. (pause) It's funny
I never thought to tell her you were
a girl, isn't it?
GALLAGHER
Yes.
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
160. MED. CLOSE SHOT
The butler is just opening the door.
Bingy, looking more disreputable than
usual, steps inside.
BINGY
Hello, there, Meadows![13]
SMYTHE
(disapproving once-over)
Who is it you wish to see, sir?
BINGY
I want to see Stew Smith. Oh excuse
me - I mean Mr. Smith.
SMYTHE
Pardon me, Mr. Smith is engaged. We
are having a reception here this evening�
BINGY
Oh, a party! Great, great! Jolly times
and merry pranks. That's me. I'm a guy
who loves parties. You know�
He is distracted by two elegantly-dressed
ladies strolling by.
BINGY
�a beautiful pair of shoulders! But
listen now, as a favor, will you please
make it snappy, Laughing Waters,[14]
and tell Stew Smith I gotta see him
because if you don't my whole family's
going to die.
SMYTHE
I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir. Have
a seat.
BINGY
Well, I got a seat, but I have no place
to put it.
The butler turns to leave, then turns
back, his face expressing distinct disapproval.
SMYTHE
Pardon me, sir, but I've heard that
one before.
? 66 ?
INT. SCHUYLER BALLROOM
161. CLOSE SHOT
Stew and Gallagher standing together.
The butler is seen leaving the scene,
having just informed Stew of Bingy's
presence at the reception.
STEW
(to Gallagher)
Excuse me. I just want to make sure
and see he doesn't take away any of
the vases.
(starts to leave, then turns back)
Well, well, well! My little pal, Gallagher,
a girl, huh?
(unexpectedly, he bends to kiss her
hand)
(tenderly)
That's just to give you an idea that
I know how to treat a gal. Get fresh
with me and I'll sock you in that little
nose of yours. Excuse me. I'll be right
back.
He exits. Gallagher is left staring
at her hand wonderingly.
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
162. MED. SHOT
Bingy gets up from his throne chair,
and crosses into the doorway of the
library opposite him. He stops by a
carved low-boy, and curiously examines
a large antique vase. Stew comes in
and stops with a smile as he sees him.
Bingy, his hand on the vase, looks up.
Stew walks over to him.
STEW
(referring to vase)
What's the matter, Bingy, a little clumsy
to get in your pocket?
Bingy sets down the vase and surveys
him.
BINGY
No. I was just looking at it. Pretty,
ain't it? I was just looking for the
price tag.
INT. SCHUYLER LIBRARY
163. CLOSER SHOT OF THE TWO
Bingy looks him up and down in silent,
insolent scrutiny. Stew begins to burn.
STEW
What do you want?
BINGY
Oh, nothing. I just blew over - I wanted
to see how the old newshound looked
made up for a gentleman.
STEW
(sore)
Would you like to have me turn around
for you, Bingy?
BINGY
Oh boy, I'd love it.
? 67 ?
Stew makes a complete turn and faces
Bingy again.
STEW
How's that?
BINGY
(appraisingly)
Not bad - not good - but not bad. You
ought to be able to fool about almost
anybody.
STEW
Is that so? Well, have you seen enough
- or would you like a photograph?
BINGY
A photograph? What's the matter? Hasn't
mama had you done in oils yet?
(singing)
"Just A Gigolo . . . "[15]
STEW
Now get this mug. You've got the kind
of chin I just love to touch. And if
you don't get out of here, I'm going
to hang one right on it.
Bingy assumes a conciliatory attitude.
BINGY
Take it easy! Take it easy, Dempsey.[16]
Just relax, my boy, relax and open your
pores.
164. CLOSER TWO SHOT
Stew glares at him. Bingy goes on.
BINGY
I bring a message from Garcia.
STEW
Yeah?
BINGY
Yeah. The boss sent me over to offer
you a job. He wants you to write a daily
column on the Tribune.
STEW
(skeptically)
Yeah - go on.
BINGY
It's all right. You can write your own
ticket. A hundred and fifty bucks a
week.
STEW
(thinks a bit - quietly)
I'll bite. What's the catch?
BINGY
There's no catch. This is on the up
and up. Of course all you have to do
is just sign the article - by Anne Schuyler's
Husband.
? 68 ?
165. MED. SHOT
Taking in the doorway. The butler starts
to pass by. Stew's eyes are blazing.
BINGY
Well, how does the old Cinderella man
feel about that?
With a quick motion, Stew clips Bingy
on the jaw. Bingy, caught unawares,
reels backward.
166. CLOSER SHOT IN DOORWAY
Bingy describes a backward arc, just
as Smythe, the butler, seeing he can
be of service, steps forward and catches
him.
SMYTHE
Well done, sir. Very neat.
STEW
(through his teeth)
That's what I think of it, Bingy!
Bingy sags in the butler's arms. The
butler looks at Stew inquiringly. Stew
nods.
STEW
(to butler)
Smythe, the - er - gentleman is leaving.
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
Bingy is carried out. Stew stands glaring
after them.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN
INT. SCHUYLER HOME
167. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Anne and her mother at the breakfast
table.
ANNE
Good morning, Mother. Didn't I tell
you that he'd be marvelous. Everybody
thought he was so charming last night.
MRS. SCHUYLER
I was so worried for fear he'd knock
over a vase or something. I must have
acted like an idiot.
(notices the morning paper in Anne's
hands)
What does it say about the reception
last night?
ANNE
Oh, the usual thing. Blah, blah, blah
attended the blah, blah reception and
wore the same blah, blah things.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(reproachfully)
Stop it. Anne. You're behaving like
the person you're married to.
ANNE
You don't have anything to complain
about, Mother. He was all right last
night, wasn't he? I told you not to
worry about him.
? 69 ?
MRS. SCHUYLER
It was a miracle. The man was ill or
something.
She suddenly notices front page of paper
Anne is reading. Her face freezes in
horror. She screams.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(screaming)
Ah-ah-ah!
ANNE
Mother!
MRS. SCHUYLER
(frantically gesturing at paper)
Look! Look! The front page!
Anne turns paper and reads the article.
CUT TO:
INSERT: NEWSPAPER
CINDERELLA MAN GROWS HAIR ON CHEST
ATTACKS REPORTER IN SCHUYLER HOME.
"I wear the pants," says Anne Schuyler's
husband.
"It's Okay with me," says Anne.
168. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler gets up. Paces wildly
about room. In a frenzy.
MRS. SCHUYLER
I knew it! I knew it! I felt it in my
bones!
She is interrupted by the entrance of
Grayson, who dashes into the room, his
eyes ablaze. In his hand he has a copy
of the morning paper.
GRAYSON
(tapping paper in hand)
Did you see the papers? "Cinderella
Man Grows Hair On Chest!" This is the
most terrible kind of publicity that
could possibly�
MRS. SCHUYLER
(interrupting)
Don't you think I know it, Grayson?
(as Smythe the butler enters with tray)
Smith - send for Mr. Smythe! Er - Smythe,
send for Mr. Smith!
SMYTHE
(as he turns to go)
Double-strength!
MRS. SCHUYLER
(muttering, as she exits scene)
"Cinderella Man Grows Hair On Chest!"
GRAYSON
(close behind, contemptuously)
"I wear the pants," says Anne Schuyler's
husband!
? 70 ?
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL - DAY
169. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew, now dressed in a business suit,
comes from the direction of the stairs
and stops just before he gets to the
door of the drawing room. From within
there is an ominous silence. Stew looks
longingly in the direction of the front
door - then back at the drawing room,
squares his shoulders and goes in.
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM
170. CLOSE SHOT
As Stew stops just inside the doorway.
He had been prepared for this, but it
strikes terror into his soul, just the
same.
171. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
From his angle in the doorway. The jury
- Dexter Grayson, hands behind his back
- is standing, gazing at Stew with a
fishy eye. Mrs. Schuyler stares haughtily.
Anne is crying softly.
CONTINUATION SCENE 170
Stew - looking around at the gallery
of faces. Then he forces a jaunty smile
to his face as he starts to enter, whistling
as he goes.
STEW
Good morning, everybody�
(he gets a cold, frigid, silent reception)
Well, maybe it isn't a good morning,
huh?
(to Anne)
Anne, did you ever get the feeling that
there was someone else in the room with
you?
172. MEDIUM SHOT
MRS. SCHUYLER
Have you seen this?
(shows him newspaper)
STEW
Yes - the worm!
MRS. SCHUYLER
I beg your pardon?
STEW
He's a worm - and I'm gonna step on
him!
MRS. SCHUYLER
To engage in a brawl! A cheap, common
brawl, in my own home! "I wear the pants!"
The pants ! Not even the trousers!
GRAYSON
I've tried to stop the evening papers,
but it's useless.
173. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND GRAYSON
STEW
You quit trying to stop anybody�
GRAYSON
Well, at best you might deny it.
? 71 ?
STEW
Why deny it? The more you deny, the
more they print. Let them alone! The
thing to do is to sit still and keep
our traps shut.
GRAYSON
Traps shut!
STEW
Certainly! I'll take care of this guy
Bingy myself, personally.
(sees Anne crying)
Now what are you crying about?
174. MEDIUM SHOT
ANNE
Is this true, Stewart? Did you really
say it?
STEW
Yes, I said it. Sure, I said it. I didn't
say it for publication, however.
MRS. SCHUYLER
And you struck him right here in our
house�?
STEW
Yes, I'm sorry, I struck him right here
in your house. And I'll strike anybody
in anybody's house that calls me a Cinderella
Man.
GRAYSON
Well, what else do you expect them to
call you?
ANNE
Dexter.
175. CLOSEUP - STEW
STEW
(burning)
That's the fourteenth crack you've made
to me. I'm keeping count. When you get
to twenty, I'm gonna sock you right
on the nose. As a matter of fact, I
ought to sock you right now.
176. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne Schuyler, are you going to sit
there and watch this man insult us?
Haven't you any decency left?
ANNE
(defending him)
Why doesn't Dexter show some decency?
And you might show some too, Mother.
What do you expect a man to do when
he's called such names?
(to Stew)
I'm glad you hit that reporter, Stewart.
He deserved it.
? 72 ?
MRS. SCHUYLER
(rising)
All right, all right! It's your funeral,
Anne Schuyler!
She flounces out. Grayson remains behind.
STEW
(to Grayson)
Go on, beat it, shadow.
Grayson turns to go, then braves the
last word.
GRAYSON
Cinderella Man! That's fifteen.
He leaves in a huff. Stew puts his arms
around the crying Anne.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM
177. FULL SHOT
Six or eight people of distinction scattered
around the room. All dressed in full
evening clothes. Among them is Grayson,
Anne, her mother, and one man in aviator's
uniform. The men have their coats and
hats in their hands, the women have
their evening wraps on. Apparently they
are ready to leave for someplace and
are being detained. An indistinct murmur
of ad-lib conversation is heard.
178. CLOSE SHOT
On Smythe, the butler, as he approaches
Mrs. Schuyler.
SMYTHE
Pardon me, madam. They phoned through
from the Mayor's committee to remind
you it's past the hour for the reception.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Are the cars ready?
SMYTHE
They've been ready for the last half
hour.
179. MED. CLOSE SHOT - GROUP
Including Captain White, a young, handsome
aviator.
AVIATOR
(modestly)
I hope I don't have to make any speeches
tonight, Anne.
ANNE
Oh, you can't disappoint all the women.
After all it isn't every day they get
to see a famous round-the-world flier.
AVIATOR
Yes, I know, but they scare me to death.
This is the fourth dinner you've taken
me to this week. I'm running out of
material.
ANNE
Are you complaining?
? 73 ?
AVIATOR
Yes, there are always too many other
people around.
LADY
Anne, it's getting late. What are we
waiting for?
ANNE
We're waiting for my husband�
(lightly, concealing her irritation)
If you'll excuse me, I'll run up and
see what the slowpoke's doing.
(to aviator)
I'll be right back�
She starts out, climbing stairs to Stew's
room.
INT. STEW'S BEDROOM
180. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew stands in front of a mirror, fumbling
with his dress tie. He pauses, his hands
still on his tie.
ANNE
(reproachfully)
Stewart! We're all waiting for you.
Where's your valet?
STEW
I poisoned him.
ANNE
Stop trying to be funny, and get ready,
will you?
As he struggles with his collar, it
springs off.
STEW
I'm not going!
ANNE
What are you talking about?
STEW
I'm talking about - I'm not going out.
181. CLOSEUP - ANNE
ANNE
(controlling her anger)
What am I going downstairs and tell
those people?
STEW
Go downstairs, and tell them - anything.
Tell them I'm not going. Tell them I'm
not home.
ANNE
(getting angrier by the minute)
Stewart, would you mind telling me why
you're not going?
? 74 ?
182. CLOSEUP - STEW
STEW
Yes, I'll tell you - for the same reason
I've never wanted to go out with those
social parasites, those sweet-smelling
fashion plates. I don't like them. They
bore me. They give me the jitters.
ANNE'S VOICE
Do you know you're talking about my
friends?
STEW
Yes, I'm talking about your friends,
and they still give me the jitters.
183. DOUBLE SHOT
ANNE
Well, are you going - or aren't you?
Stew makes a move to embrace her.
STEW
Anne, come here. Listen�
ANNE
(sternly - slipping away from him)
Look out for my lipstick, Stewart.
STEW
I'll tell you what. Let's you and me
sneak out all by ourselves�
ANNE
(interrupting)
Are you crazy?
STEW
Think of the fun we can have - we'll
sneak down the back stairs and get in
the valet's Ford. How's that?
ANNE
Will you stop being silly, Stewart?
STEW
(trying hard)
I'll tell you what let's do - I'll take
you and introduce you to all my gang.
Would you like that?
ANNE
(hard)
But I don't want to meet your gang.
STEW
I don't mean the newspaper fellows that
you don't like. Another gang I know
- you'd love them. They're writers and
musicians and artists - a great crowd
of people - people who do great things.
People who are worthwhile.
? 75 ?
ANNE
Meaning, my friends aren't worthwhile,
I suppose?
STEW
Oh, they're all right, Anne. But I�
ANNE
(interrupting belligerently)
That's exactly what you mean. Heaven
knows you've made that clear to me often
enough. Well, I'm sick and tired of
it. I've given you party after party
- I've taken you to some of the best
houses in this town - and introduced
you to people of importance - and are
you grateful? No! You insult them and
act like a bore. I'm sick and tired
of having to make excuses for you and
the things that you've done. Perhaps
it's just as well you're not coming
tonight. Maybe I can enjoy myself for
once without having to worry about you,
and what you're going to do.
With which violent declaration, she
flounces out of the room, leaving Stew
staring after her, angry and hurt. Impulsively,
he follows her to the door - a retort
on his lips. When he gets there, however,
she has vanished. He returns to the
room, wanders about thoughtfully, extracts
cigarette from box, fumbles it - walks
to window - stares out - turns back
to room - heaves a lonely sigh.
He notices his reflection in the mirror,
and gestures toward it.
STEW
And that, my friends, is what is known
as the society belle telling ex-star-newspaper-reporter
to go to - how-have-you-been, Mr. Smith!
184. CLOSE SHOT
As Stew sits in a typewriter chair.
He rolls up the sheet in the machine
so that he can read what is already
written.
INSERT: TYPEWRITTEN SHEET, IN TYPEWRITER
ACT 1
SCENE 1
AN HACIENDA IN MEXICO
Strumming of guitars are dimly heard.
BACK TO SCENE:
He studies it for a moment, frowning
in dissatisfaction. He's stuck. He leans
back in the chair and looks up for inspiration.
INSERT: A BIG CLOCK, TICKING AWAY THE
TIME.
INT. SCHUYLER GRAND FOYER
185. LONG SHOT
Of Stew Smith pacing the grand foyer.
Seen from overhead, he is dwarfed by
the surroundings. He tries hopscotching
on the pattern of the floor. That wears
thin quickly. Supremely bored, Stew
gives a shout and is rewarded with a
cavernous echo. Smythe the butler then
appears, nervously crouched behind some
grillwork.
? 76 ?
186. MEDIUM SHOT - STEW AND SMYTHE
SMYTHE
Did you call, sir?
STEW
Smythe, come here. I want to talk to
you.
(Smythe looks unenthusiastic.)
Come on, Smythe, talk to me. Smythe,
I'm going nuts. I'm going nuts in this
house! This big . . . come on, I'm not
going to hurt you. Come on, what's the
matter with you?
Stew gives another shout and is rewarded
with another loud echo. This coaxes
Smythe out from behind the grillwork.
STEW
Shhh! Do you hear something?
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
STEW
You try it.
SMYTHE
(reluctant)
Me, sir?
STEW
Yeah.
Smythe gives it a timid try.
STEW
No, no. Give it more volume.
Smythe gives a more satisfactory yell.
Stew nods approval. Smythe begins yelling
and shouting in earnest.
STEW
No, that's enough. I just wanted you
to get the idea. Now you know. This
house is haunted.
SMYTHE
(incredulous)
No, sir!
STEW
Yes. Have you looked in the closets
all over . . .?
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
STEW
Found no skeletons?
SMYTHE
No, sir.
STEW
It's haunted just the same.
? 77 ?
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
Smythe has heard enough. He turns to
leave, but Stew grabs him.
STEW
Smythe, what do you do with yourself
- I mean, when you're not carrying those
double-strength - what do you do with
yourself?
SMYTHE
Well, sir, I putter.
STEW
Smythe! I mean - when you're alone and
want to amuse yourself, then what?
SMYTHE
I just putter.
STEW
Hmmm, you just putter. Do you have to
have a putter to putter?
SMYTHE
Oh no, sir. I putter with me hands.
STEW
Well, isn't that nice? You just go right
ahead and putter with your hands. That's
all right. How do you do it?
SMYTHE
Well sir, I'll show you.
He demonstrates, touching objects on
a table and blowing dust off a lampshade.
SMYTHE
That's puttering, sir.
STEW
No! Well, well, well! That's all right,
if you like it. Can anybody do that?
SMYTHE
Oh no, sir. Some people are natural
putterers. Others can never master it.
STEW
Oh my. You mean, some people are born
and never will become putterers?
SMYTHE
Yes sir.
STEW
Oh my, wouldn't that be tragic? To know
that you could never be a putterer.
SMYTHE
Yes sir.
? 78 ?
STEW
How about me? Do you think if I concentrated
and put my whole soul into it, that
some day I might be a putterer?
SMYTHE
You sir? Uh-uh. You could never be a
putterer. Not a good putterer, sir.
STEW
Well, if I couldn't be a good putterer,
I wouldn't want to putter. But why?
What makes you think I couldn't be a
good putterer?
SMYTHE
Well sir, to be a putterer, one's mind
must be at ease. A person with a problem
could never be a putterer. For instance,
sir, a fish can putter in water but
not on land because he'd be out of place.
An eagle can putter around a rugged
mountaintop but not in a cage, because
he'd be restless and unhappy. Now sir,
if you will pardon me, with all due
respect, sir, as a Smythe to a Smith,
you are an eagle in a cage.
STEW
A bird in a gilded cage?
SMYTHE
Yes.
STEW
That's all I wanted to know!
Stew rushes off upstairs. Smythe gives
the echo one last try.
FADE OUT:
INT. STEW'S ROOM
187. MEDIUM SHOT
As Stew makes a telephone call.
STEW
Hello, Gallagher old pal. How are you,
old pal?
INT. GALLAGHER'S ROOM - NIGHT
188. MEDIUM SHOT
A simple room, probably in a boarding
house or cheap hotel. Gallagher is on
the phone. A typewriter stands nearby.
GALLAGHER
Oh, hello Stew. I'm pretty good, can't
complain. How's our gentleman of leisure?
CONTINUATION SCENE 187
Stew at phone.
STEW
I'm on the coast of Norway and I can't
get out - will you come and get me out
of the coast of Norway?
CONTINUATION SCENE 188
Gallagher at phone.
? 79 ?
GALLAGHER
Oh, your play. Hmmm, Act One, Scene
One: Coast of Norway - and then a lot
of blank. Is that it?
CONTINUATION SCENE 187
Stew at phone.
STEW
Yeah. Come on, don't be silly.
(pause)
All right, if you feel like you need
a chaper-one, call up Hank. Yeah. You'll
find him at Joe's, no doubt. Yeah. Hank
would be my idea of a perfect bodyguard.
(pause)
Sure you would. I knew I could depend
on you, old pal. Snap it up, will you,
Gallagher?
CONTINUATION SCENE 188
Gallagher at phone.
GALLAGHER
Okay.
She hangs up, joyful at the prospect
of seeing Stew. She hums softly to herself
as she picks up the receiver again.
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT
189. MED. SHOT
SOUND
(bell ringing)
Stew comes out of the library. Smythe
is going down the hall. Stew intercepts
him.
STEW
Smythe, I'll get this. I'm expecting
some friends.
SMYTHE
Very good, sir.
190. MED. CLOSE SHOT
At entrance door. Stew enters and opens
it. Gallagher and Hank enter.
STEW
Well, Gallagher! Glad to see you.
GALLAGHER
Hello, Stew.
STEW
Hello, Hank. How are you?
HANK
Fine, but kinda thirsty.
STEW
Come right in - I'll get you a drink.
HANK
Okay - you remember Joe�
? 80 ?
STEW
Sure.
HANK
I sort of invited him along to bend
an elbow. You don't mind, do you?
STEW
It's all right. Bring him in.
Joe appears in the open doorway. Stew
sees him.
HANK
Come in, Joe. It's all right.
STEW
Hello, Joe.
JOE
Hello kid, how are you? Glad to see
you.
Stew starts to close the door.
JOE
Just a minute - Johnson's outside. You
don't mind if he comes in and dips a
beak[17] do you?
STEW
No, no, bring him in. The more the merrier.
JOE
Come on in!
Johnson appears in the open doorway.
Stew sees him.
STEW
Hello, Johnson.
JOHNSON
Hello, Stew, old pal. How are you?
STEW
Glad to see you. Come in, kid.
Stew starts to close the door.
JOHNSON
Wait a minute. I got two of the boys
I brought along - they were cruising
around with nothing to do. You don't
mind if I bring them in?
STEW
You brought two of the boys? That's
all right. Bring them in. What's the
difference?
The two enter, followed in a single
file by 12-14 men and women, all of
whom greet Stew as they enter, ad-libbing
hello's and hand-shakes. Stew stares
at them dumbfoundedly.
191. MEDIUM FULL SHOT
They swarm into the hallway and overflow
into the rooms on either side. The butler
stands aghast at this invasion. Stew
starts to close the door when three
or four more troop in, shouting cheery
greetings. Stew regards them in amazement.
? 81 ?
192. CLOSER SHOT - STEW
As he watches them file past.
STEW
I'm sorry nobody could come.
HANK
The rest of the gang had to get out
the morning edition - but they'll be
down later.
STEW
Now Hank, are you sure they're coming?
It will be lonesome without them.
(to Smythe)
Smythe, take this crowd in there and
give them a drink. And find out what
the boys in the back room want!
Smythe gulps nervously, as he is dragged
off by the revellers.
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM
193. FULL SHOT
The gang have taken seriously Stew's
suggestion that they make themselves
at home. They have draped themselves
about the place - a couple are strumming
on the piano and others are inspecting
the room in awe-struck attitudes. Smythe
is being propelled around the room by
the revellers.
SMYTHE
It isn't done, gentlemen! It isn't done,
I say! It isn't done!
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
194. MEDIUM SHOT - GALLAGHER AND STEW
STEW
Well, Gallagher, you certainly took
no chances, did you?
GALLAGHER
I'm sorry, Stew. I asked Hank, and Hank
did the rest.
STEW
I see. Hank brought them all. That's
all right. We'll give them a drink and
throw 'em out. How's that?
GALLAGHER
Okay.
STEW
(as Smythe passes by, being propelled
by revellers)
Smythe! Give them one drink and throw
'em out!
SMYTHE
(dazed)
Yes, sir.
? 82 ?
Bingy pokes his head in the door, wearing
a false beard.
STEW
(spotting him)
Is there a green elephant standing beside
that bwana?
BINGY
No, it's just little Bingy Baker.
Stew rolls up his sleeves, preparatory
to launching a punch.
BINGY
(warningly)
Uh-uh.
Bingy dons a pair of glasses, and points
to them meaningfully. He enters, cautiously,
watching Stew warily.
BINGY
(striking a pose)
Big Chief Bingy come to white man's
tepee to make friends. Big Chief very
sorry. To show how sorry - will bend
over and let white man kick Big Chief
where sun never shines.
STEW
Excuse me, Gallagher. I wouldn't miss
this one for the world.
He bends over, and Stew winds up and
delivers a hard kick to his backside.
Bingy straightens stiffly, then removes
a bottle of alcohol from the target
area.
BINGY
Fire water all right.
(he takes a drink)
Both start laughing.
BINGY
Well, Stew, that's all thrashed out.
By golly, I'm surely glad to see that
you're not really sore. You know our
racket - after all, news is news.
STEW
Sure, sure. That's all right. That was
a great story, Bingy. A great story
- wish I'd printed it.
BINGY
I gave you the breaks, didn't I? That
hairy chest story!
STEW
(indicating Bingy's false beard)
You've raised it up to the chin, I see.
(laughs)
Go on in the other room and get yourself
a drink.
Bingy emits a war-whoop and proceeds
into the drawing room, where Smythe
is still being held hostage by the party.
? 83 ?
195. CLOSER SHOT
Gallagher and Stew.
STEW
You know what I should do with you?
I should sock you right in that funny
little nose.
GALLAGHER
Yes - and I'd love it.
SMYTHE
Sure, you'd love it.
He draws her out of the entrance hall,
and the CAMERA MOVES WITH THEM as they
head upstairs, the party around them
going in full force.
INT. STEW'S SITTING ROOM
196. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew and Gallagher enter. Apparently
they have been talking about Stew's
play on the way upstairs.
GALLAGHER
How far have you gotten?
STEW
Well, I've just been able to get off
that Norway coast - so far.
Stew gestures toward the typewriter
from which a sheet of paper is protruding.
Gallagher crosses to it. She rolls up
the sheet so she can read what is typed
on it.
GALLAGHER
(reading)
'Act One - Scene One - A Street in Old
Madrid�'
She turns as Stew walks over to her.
GALLAGHER
(smiling)
Well, you're not getting your play done,
but you're certainly covering a lot
of territory.
STEW
(grins)
Haven't I covered some territory? It
feels like I've been on a Cook's Tour[18]
some place.
197. CLOSER TWO SHOT
Stew, standing before her.
GALLAGHER
(seriously)
Stewart, have you ever been to Old Madrid?
STEW
(grinning in spite of himself)
Been where?
Gallagher
To Old Madrid.
? 84 ?
STEW
Never even been to New Madrid.
GALLAGHER
Then how do you expect to write about
it?
STEW
Oh - draw on my imagination, I suppose.
GALLAGHER
Did Conrad draw on his imagination?
Stew is brought up with a start.
STEW
Did who?
GALLAGHER
Conrad.
STEW
What do you know about Conrad?
GALLAGHER
I don't know a thing about him, but
isn't he the one you're always yelling
about?
Stew is noticeably impressed with this
point of view.
STEW
Gosh, you look cute.
Gallagher warms up to her subject.
GALLAGHER
Isn't he the one that always writes
about things - only the things he knows
about?
STEW
Right.
GALLAGHER
Didn't he go to sea before he wrote
about it?
STEW
Right.
198. MEDIUM SHOT
GALLAGHER
Then why don't you write about something
you know? Write about yourself and Anne.
The poor boy who marries a rich girl
- now there's a swell theme.
STEW
Gee, that's an idea, Gallagher. That's
an idea there. I wonder now . . .
GALLAGHER
Oh, sure. She'd make a beautiful heroine
. . .
? 85 ?
STEW
(warming up - he puts arm around Gallagher's
shoulder)
And there's her mother - and what a
character that old dame would make with
her double-strength - and that lawyer
friend of theirs - he'd make a great
villain - and there's you!
GALLAGHER
(smiling)
What could I be?
STEW
You could be something.
(inspiration striking, he dashes to
the typewriter)
I've got an idea, Gallagher. Let's get
this set. That's a great idea for a
play. Pal, get me a cigarette, will
you?
GALLAGHER
Here you are.
STEW
All right, thanks. Now, let's see. How
will I start? Hey pal, how would you
start?
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
199. MED. FULL SHOT
Shooting through into the drawing room.
It is many hours later. The members
of the party, including Smythe, are
pretty well lit. On the floor of the
entrance hall a dice game is in progress.
In the drawing room four or five are
hanging over the piano singing "The
Grasshopper Jumped Over Another Grasshopper's
Back."
In general, a large time is being had.
As the scene opens a door-bell is ringing.
A key is heard in the lock.
200. CLOSER SHOT - GROUP - IN ENTRANCE
HALL
The outer door starts to swing open.
One of the party guests, very wall-eyed
now, and carrying a whiskey bottle in
his hand, staggers toward the door.
It opens wider, and Anne and Mrs. Schuyler
and Dexter Grayson stand gasping in
the opening. The guest comes up to them.
GUEST
(starting to close door)
Say, you can't come in here - this is
a private party.
Anne pushes the door violently, which
sends the guest sprawling. He stays
where he lands, holding the bottle in
both arms across his chest. Anne and
her mother advance into a CLOSE SHOT
and look off with incredulous horror
and amazement.
201. MEDIUM SHOT
On a drunk Bingy as he peers at them
from an alcove above.
BINGY
(recognizing Grayson)
Hey, my old classmate from Harvard!
Whoopee! Harvard, '98!
(spotting Mrs. Schuyler)
Hello, mama!
? 86 ?
202. MEDIUM SHOT
Most are too cock-eyed or too engrossed
in the ongoing crap game to notice them.
DEXTER
I know who's the cause of it all!
ANNE
Oh, Dexter!
One of the men wanders in from the drawing
room in time to hear this conversation.
He assumes an attitude of exaggerated
courtesy and gallantry as he bows before
them.
Anne and her mother are almost bursting
with fury. They spot Smythe, across
the room, thoroughly in his cups.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(to butler)
Smythe! Smythe - who are these people?
Smythe comes stumbling up, a grin plastered
on his face.
SMYTHE
(thoroughly plastered)
Friends of mine. Very lit-lit-literary
people.
GRAYSON
(confidentially, to Mrs. Schuyler)
He's drunk.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(aghast)
Smythe, you've been drinking.
SMYTHE
(proudly)
I have. Double-strength!
GRAYSON
(confidentially)
Very drunk.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(indignant)
Where is Mr. Smith?
SMYTHE
Well, for crying out loud, I don't know.
And I don't care. Whoopee!
He jubilantly exits scene.
GRAYSON
(confidentially)
Very, very drunk.
INT. STEW'S SITTING ROOM
203. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew gets to his feet as an idea strikes
him.
STEW
Now Gallagher, if we could only get
a great scene - a tremendously emotional
scene - some-
? 87 ?
thing that would just wring the hearts
out of the public - to bring the curtain
down in the second act - that would
be okay. Couldn't dig one out of your
hat some place, could you?
GALLAGHER
Nope - afraid I'm all out of tricks
tonight.
STEW
Now, we've got it right up to where
the boy's wearing his white spats and
going to teas and the frau enters -
how's that?
GALLAGHER
Very good.
204. MED. CLOSE SHOT
At the partially opened door into the
hall. It opens wider, and Anne looks
in. She stares in horrified amazement.
205. MEDIUM SHOT (FROM HER ANGLE)
Gallagher, her shoes off, sprawled out
on the chaise longue, stretches luxuriously
and yawns. CAMERA PANS TO Stew at the
typewriter, hair mussed, coffee pot
and cups prominent, the dressing gown
over the back of his chair. Neither
of them has seen Anne.
CONTINUATION SCENE 204
Anne. She gasps as she quietly steps
further into the room.
206. CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
Gallagher, caught in the midst of a
grand stretch, sits up abruptly, startled.
She stares uncomfortably off at Anne.
207. CLOSE SHOT - STEW
At the typewriter. He glances up momentarily
and very absently, and goes right on
typing.
STEW
(absently)
Oh hello, Anne�
He types furiously.
ANNE
(tight-lipped)
Good morning. What does this mean?
Stewart looks up surprised at the tone
of her voice.
STEW
What does what mean?
208. MEDIUM SHOT - THE THREE
Gallagher, sensing scene, starts hastily
looking for her shoes. One of them has
been shoved under the chaise longue
and she has to get down on her hands
and knees to retrieve it. Anne comes
in and confronts them, her hands on
her hips.
STEW
Oh, that mob downstairs. I guess I got
so interested in the play I forgot all
about them.
ANNE
I see.
? 88 ?
STEW
Have we got a play, Anne? Oh, have we
got a play! Of course most of it is
Gallagher's. She did most of it. That
brain of hers just snaps like that all
the time.
He indicates by snapping his fingers.
Gallagher quietly gathers up her things,
apprehensive of the storm about to break.
ANNE
(coldly)
I'm not interested in the way her brain
snaps.
Stew stares at Anne as Gallagher, her
hat in her hand, her coat over her arm,
starts for the door.
GALLAGHER
I think I better go, Stew.
ANNE
I think you should, Miss Gallagher.
STEW
Wait a minute, Gallagher.
Gallagher stops, transfixed by the new
tone in his voice. He comes over to
Anne.
209. CLOSE TWO SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
STEW
What's the idea, Anne?
ANNE
The idea is simply this - that I want
those people to leave here immediately.
STEW
Now wait a minute. Aren't you being
a little unreasonable?
ANNE
Unreasonable! Have you any idea what
the place looks like downstairs? Do
you expect me to stand here and see
this place turned into a cheap barroom?
STEW
Now wait, don't get excited, Anne. There's
no reason for that. Perhaps the boys
have had a little too much to drink.
That's all right. I'm sorry. I'll go
right down and throw them out. That's
no reason for you to take this attitude.
After all, I certainly have a right
to invite a few of my friends to my
house, haven't I?
ANNE
(pointedly)
Your house?
STEW
(getting the implication; after a pause)
O-o-oh, I get you�
? 89 ?
(a knowing chuckle)
All right. All right. I don't blame
you. I kinda forgot myself for a moment,
there. That's what I call getting me
told, isn't it, Anne?
Anne remains silent. That's exactly
what she has done.
STEW
I suppose I've been boarding out this
past year.
210. MEDIUM SHOT
He takes his coat off back of chair
and slips into it.
STEW
(quietly; grimly)
All right, I'll tell you this�I don't
like your boarding house, lady�
As he gathers up loose manuscript, he
continues . . .
STEW
�and if it's all the same to you, I'm
moving out.
ANNE
Stewart!
STEW
(hotly)
This is something I should have done
a long time ago, only I didn't have
sense enough to do it. No, I had to
stick around here to try and make a
success of something that I knew darn
well was a failure from the very beginning.
But no more. No more! So that's that.
ANNE
You can't walk out of here like this.
Throughout the scene, Stew is gathering
his things together�and probably packing
an overnight bag.
STEW
Oh I can't? Who's going to stop me?
I'd like to see somebody stop me. If
you think I'm going to stick around
this joint just to look at this mausoleum,
not on your life! You're going to make
no stuffed shirt out of me. Now what
do you think of that?
Mrs. Schuyler stalks majestically in.
MRS. SCHUYLER
What's going on here? Who is this woman?
STEW
(snappily)
Joan of Arc! What's it to you?
MRS. SCHUYLER
Heavens! The man's insane!
? 90 ?
211. CLOSEUP - STEW
STEW
Sure I'm insane, but I've got some good
news for you.
(points to himself)
This magnolia is leaving your sweet
smelling vanilla joint. This bird in
a cage is gonna button his own pants
from now on. And that is what is known
as telling the mother-in-law.
Gallagher's cry of joy is cut off by
an icy look from Mrs. Schuyler.
GALLAGHER
Eurek�!
212. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew is stuffing things into a bag.
STEW
(heatedly to Anne)
You've done nothing but watch me - watch
me! - ever since I've been here. Treated
me like a thug, watched me like a hawk,
mistrusted me. Every time I leave the
house, that Jane�
(indicating Mrs. Schuyler)
�goes out and counts the silverware.
ANNE
That's ridiculous.
STEW
Fine! I don't blame her. I know I'm
out of my own crowd. I should have had
better sense in the beginning. But I'll
stay in my own backyard from now on.
ANNE
You're acting like a child.
STEW
All right, I'm a child. Have it any
way you want. But I'm going back to
my own apartment, where I should have
lived in the first place. But no, I
got to listen to you and move here.
All right. If you want to live with
me, Anne, okay. But the sign outside
will say "Mr. Stew Smith" and you'll
have to be "Mrs. Stew Smith" or there's
nothing doing. No more Anne Schuyler's
husband�
He has his bag all packed by this time.
He snaps it shut viciously, lifts it
off the chair, picks up his hat, and
notices Mrs. Schuyler staring open-mouthed
at him.
STEW
(to Mrs. Schuyler, pointedly)
�and here's some more news for you.
You can take your red room, your green
room, your left wing and your right
wing, and you know what you can do with
them!
? 91 ?
(to Gallagher)
Come on, Gallagher.
He brushes by Mrs. Schuyler and Anne,
exiting.
ANNE
(exasperated)
Oh, Stewart!
EXT. SCHUYLER HOME - NIGHT
213. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew and Gallagher appear, coming through
the iron gates.
214. MEDIUM MOVING SHOT
As Stew and Gallagher move off down
the street, a ragged old panhandler
comes wheedling up to them.
PANHANDLER
Pardon me, could you spare a dime for
a cup of coffee?
Stew is struck by a sudden idea as he
regards the bum intently.
STEW
Coffee? How would you like to be a Knight
of the Garter?
PANHANDLER
(stupidly)
Huh! No�
Stew raises one foot, then the other,
and quickly removes the solid gold garters
which he presses into the bum's surprised
hand.
STEW
(as he removes the garters)
Just a minute.
(to Gallagher)
Entertain the gentleman, Gallagher.
(to the panhandler)
There you are, my man - with those you
can eat for a couple of months.
He walks away, leaving the bum staring
dazedly at the luxurious pair of garters.
PANHANDLER
(an afterthought)
How about the socks?
215. MED. CLOSE SHOT
As Stew and Gallagher pass the Camera
and go down the street, arm in arm.
As they get past the Camera, Stew is
seen to square his shoulders and throw
out his chest. He shakes first one leg,
and then the other, as if he were throwing
off shackles.
216. CLOSER MOVING SHOT
Stew and Gallagher moving along. Gallagher
has a peculiar expression as she glances
at Stew. She has been deeply affected
by the scene she has just witnessed.
Stew's face is very thoughtful.
GALLAGHER
(comfortingly)
I wouldn't worry too much about it,
Stew. She'll see it your way.
? 92 ?
STEW
Huh?
(snapping out of it)
Oh, I'm not worrying about her - I'm
worrying about that second act curtain,
that's all.
Gallagher stares at him, realizing he
is thinking more about the play than
his split-up with his wife. Then she
breaks into a grin.
GALLAGHER
Why, you're just a first-class chump!
You just staged a scene that would play
like a million dollars! How about that
declaration of independence for the
second act curtain?
Stew stops stock still and stares at
her.
STEW
(almost reverently)
That's an idea, Gallagher - a great
idea.
Gallagher happily links her arm in his
and again they move down the street.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN
INSERT: CLOSE SHOT OF NAME PLATE OVER
DOORBELL
"STEWART SMITH"
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INSERT: SHEET IN TYPEWRITER
On it is being typed:
Act 3. Scene 1.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
217. INT. STEW'S APARTMENT - DAY - MED.
FULL SHOT
Inexpensive but comfortable. Stew is
in his shirtsleeves. A battered old
typewriter stands on the table with
a sheet of blank paper in it. Stew is
seated in a chair before it, and is
picking out the letters, typing. He
pauses, running up the roller to regard
what he has written.
218. INT. STEW'S KITCHENETTE - MED.
SHOT
Gallagher, in a little apron, is frying
some ham and eggs. She looks up as she
sees Stew from the doorway.
STEW
Hey, Gallagher!
GALLAGHER
Yeah?
STEW
How about my breakfast? How do you expect
me to ring a curtain down on an empty
stomach?
GALLAGHER
It'll be ready in a minute.
? 93 ?
STEW
(accusingly)
Never mind that. If you can't get my
breakfast ready - and can't get here
on time in the morning - then you can
go get yourself another job.
GALLAGHER
(in mock contrition)
Sorry, boss�
STEW
Don't be sorry. Just get the breakfast,
that's all.
219. INT. STEW'S LIVING ROOM - MED.
SHOT
There is a knock on the hall door.
Stew crosses and opens it.
220. CLOSER SHOT
As Stew opens the door. It reveals Dexter
Grayson in the little hallway, immaculately
clad, as usual. Stew regards him in
frank surprise for a moment.
GRAYSON
Hello, Smith.
STEW
(puzzled)
Holy jumping swordfish!
GRAYSON
I suppose you know why I came�?
STEW
No, I have no idea - unless some of
the silver-ware is missing.
GRAYSON
Now don't be absurd, Smith�
(as he brushes past, walking inside)
May I come in?
STEW
Surely, come right in.
GRAYSON
(as he sits down)
Thanks. May I sit down?
STEW
Surely, sit down. If I had known you
were coming, I would have thrown you
up a waffle.
GRAYSON
I don't eat waffles.
STEW
You don't.
221. MED. SHOT
Grayson sits stiffly on one of the Grand
Rapids chairs. Stew remains standing,
and waits silently for Grayson to speak.
Grayson clears his throat.
? 94 ?
GRAYSON
Anne asked me to come and see you about
the divorce.
STEW
(with enlightened expression)
She did�?
GRAYSON
(uncomfortably)
She wants me to arrange the financial
settlement.
STEW
Listen Grayson, I've got 106 bucks and
75 cents in the bank. Now Anne can have
any part of that she wants, but she'd
better hurry because I'm spending it
awfully fast.
GRAYSON
(interrupting)
You don't seem to understand. Anne doesn't
expect anything from you.
222. INT. STEW'S KITCHENETTE - MED.
SHOT
Gallagher. Overcome by curiosity at
the sound of voices, she leaves the
frying eggs and goes quietly to the
doorway and peeks out.
223. MED. SHOT
Grayson and Stew.
GRAYSON
We should like to know how much you
would want to�
Stew stares off incredulously.
STEW
(interrupting)
Wait a minute. Do I get from you that
she wants to pay me alimony?
GRAYSON
That's putting it crudely, but�
Stew starts advancing nervously toward
him. Grayson, a bit alarmed, rises.
STEW
(closing in on him)
Remember what I told you about that
twentieth crack? All right, you've just
made it. Before you go unconscious I
want you to get this through your nut.
GRAYSON
I beg your pardon.
STEW
Unconscious. You know, when you don't
know anything. Your natural state. There
are some people - you can't buy their
self-respect for a bucket of shekels
- well, I happen to be one of those
guys.
? 95 ?
224. CLOSE SHOT
Showing kitchen door open a crack. Gallagher's
eyes are glistening as she watches and
listens.
225. MED. CLOSE SHOT
Stew and Grayson.
GRAYSON
(weakly)
We just thought that�
STEW
(snaps)
Don't think. Let me do all the thinking.
Now you go back to that Schuyler outfit
and tell them that I didn't marry that
dame for her dough and I don't want
any of her dough now. I was too poor
to buy her a wedding present when we
got married, so I'm giving her a divorce
for a wedding present. Now, stand up!
Grayson does so, completely intimidated
by Stew's manner. Stew grabs him by
the lapel.
GRAYSON
Yes.
STEW
And now for that twentieth crack�
Stew punches Grayson on chin and knocks
him through the open door into the hall.
He slams door shut.
226. WIDER SHOT
Stew thrusts his hands into his pockets
and walks thoughtfully back to the typewriter.
227. CLOSER SHOT
Stew standing staring down at the typewriter.
He is still flushed with anger. Suddenly
a thought strikes him, and his face
breaks into a broad grin. He sits down
quickly, and begins pounding away.
228. MED. SHOT
Gallagher enters from the kitchen, carrying
a platter of ham and eggs and a coffee
pot. She sets them on a small table
and this is spread with a cloth. Then
she crosses over to Stew.
GALLAGHER
(pretending ignorance)
Who was that?
STEW
(without looking up from his typing)
Grayson - Anne's lawyer.
GALLAGHER
What did he want?
STEW
Gallagher, that guy just dropped by
to give us a great opening for the third
act.
They sit at the little table.
? 96 ?
229. CLOSER SHOT
GALLAGHER
What was the idea he gave you?
Stew dives into the ham and eggs.
STEW
It's a swell idea, Gallagher. How's
this? The wife's family lawyer comes
to see the kid, see - to talk over the
divorce. Then this guy insults the poor
but honest boy by offering him alimony
- so the kid gets sore, socks the lawyer
in the nose and throws him out. How's
that for the beginning of the third
act, huh?
GALLAGHER
Well, from now on the play will be easy.
All you have to do is bring the wife
back, have her say she's sorry, and
then your play's over.
230. CLOSEUP - STEW
He looks over at Gallagher with a peculiar
expression.
STEW
(vehemently - as he scoops out some
melon)
What's the matter? Do you think I'm
going to let that guy go back to his
wife? Not on your life. He's got to
go to the other girl.
231. CLOSEUP - GALLAGHER
She almost drops her coffee cup in a
wild gleam of hope as she looks back
at him. Gallagher tries hard to keep
her voice steady.
GALLAGHER
(not sure of herself)
What other girl�?
232. MED. CLOSE SHOT OF THE TWO
STEW
The little O'Brien girl, of course -
the one you suggested in the story.
GALLAGHER
(ecstatic, but still fighting)
But that's ridiculous! You can't make
a sudden change like that.
STEW
Gallagher, what are you going to do
- tell me how to write a play?
GALLAGHER
No.
STEW
There's nothing sudden about that�
(tensely)
He's always loved the girl, but he was
such a sap he didn't have sense enough
to tell her. Well, that's all right
- we can fix that. He will
? 97 ?
go to the little O'Brien girl, and -
here, I'll show you.
He gets to his feet, and comes around
to her.
233. CLOSE TWO SHOT
Gallagher watches him a bit uncertainly.
STEW
(tenderly)
He goes to the little O'Brien gal and
he says to her - in some pretty words
of some kind - something that you can
write - he'll say�
(as if reading part - very emotional)
Darling, I'm sorry. I've been a fool
all my life. I've always loved you,
only I didn't have sense enough to see
it. As quick as I can get a divorce
from my wife, I want you to marry me.
Then she'll look at him that way - yeah
- then they'll embrace, or something
like that.
(they draw closer)
Then he'll kiss her, or something.
To demonstrate the point, Stew takes
her in his arms and kisses her. They
hold the kiss longer than is justified.
Stew is swept away by his sudden emotion
and clings to her desperately, while
Gallagher's arms instinctively go around
his neck.
Gallagher chokes back tears that persist
in coming. She stifles a sob. Stew folds
her in his arms.
STEW
(tenderly)
What's the matter, Gallagher? What's
the matter?
Gallagher buries her face in his shoulders.
FADE OUT.
THE END
