PETULIA
Written by
Larry Marcus
March 30, 1967
1 ALLEY LOADING PLATFORM AND CORRIDOR OF FAIRMONT HOTEL
NIGHT
The story begins in this grubby alley, where two extra
large ambulances screech to a stop beside a loading
platform. Onlookers gather in the alley entrance to
see how many people died; nobody died, the backdoors
of the ambulances are opened by attendants, and six
perfectly fine victims of perfectly terrible automobile
accidents are lifted into wheelchairs.
The cripples are beautifully dressed, the men in tuxedos,
the women in splendid evening dresses. One of the women
wears a neck brace which forces her always to look
skyward, so she cantt see the beautiful orchid corsage
pinned to her bosom.
Quickly, attendants roll the wheelchairs past all the
stacks of fruit and vegetables on the loading platform,
past great bales of laundry, past whatever horrors one
finds behind the warm, smiling face of a hotel. Watch-
men, pastry cooks, valets are watching the rush of the
wheelchairs without much interest.
Then doors swing open, and we are in the tram It of the
grand ballroom.
2 INTO GRAND BALLROOM
It is a charity ball. The sign says "Shake for Highway
Safety."' The wheelchairs and their occupants no longer
interest us. They are the guests of honor, and people
gather about them to arrange them appealingly, and we
rush past the go-go band, the shakers, and the door
prize, which is a little convertible, spinning endlessly
on a pedestal.
CAMERA reaches PETULIA, who is dancing with her husband,
DAVID, but trying not to lose sight of ARCHIE. ARCHIE
really wants to leave, but he is too polite to make it
too obvious. As he bends over to put his punch cup on
a table, he is bumped by the wheelchair of one of the
guests of honor. He is not at all comfortable.
0
2 CONTINUED
E
It's not easy for Petulia to keep an eye on Archie;
gasping faces get in the ways hunks of twisting bodies
get in the way, and the dance won't end. The music
stops for a second, everyone sags and thinks, "Thank
God it's over," but instantly the music begins again
and everyone good naturedly swears, "Those crazy kids
are trying to kill us," and meanwhile Petulia sees
that Archie has reached the place where you get your
coat.
MED. ARCHIE
He is searching through his pockets for the ticket
that will let him reclaim his coat. All the coats
are in an incredible piles and in the semi-hysterical
care of a debutante attendant.
PETULIA' S VOICE
You can't leave
He turns and sees Petulia.
PETULIA
You're an official host.
She nods to the ribbon and cardboard which along with
'Official Host' says Dr. A. Bollen. Archie takes the
ribbon off, as though to pin it on Petulia.
PETULIA
Careful. Can you tell I'm not wearing
a brassiere?
ARCHIE
No.
PETULIA
Don't think about it. It will only
excite you.
Archie finally finds the ticket for his coat, which the
attendant now tries to find. On through this Petulia
continues.
L`
3
2 CONTINUED
PETULIA
That's my husband over there,
ARCHIE
Ahh ...
PETULIA
I've been married six months and I've
never had an affair,
ARCHIE
It can happen
PETULIA
Don't take it so bloody well. I've just
turned you down. He's looking at us.
My husband,
MED. DAVID WITH HIS MOTHER AND FATHER
somewhere near the free whiskey table asking for Pernod,
which, of course, they don't have.
The father is watching the charity affair with utter
disapproval. He tips a waiter by shoving a half-dozen
raffle tickets into the waiter's jacket pocket,
MR, DANNER
I hope you win the car, sir,
Mrs. Danner is charmed by her husband's generosity.
She simply adores the man. David is busy not watching
Archie and Petulia,
PETULIA'S VOICE
Isn't he gorgeous? He's a naval architect.
It really zings when you say it. "My
husband David is a naval architect."
Actually, we're starving. You wouldn't
want to buy a sixty foot sloop? David's
"Momma"` and "Poppa' keep us. Look how
disgusted Poppa is. He hates this sort
of thing.
0
L
2 CONTINUED
ARCHIEIS VOICE
Poppa is too sensitive.
PETULIA'S VOICE
Sensitive, my ass. He's bored. Highway
safety's so blah. Also, he hates amateurs.
Give him something he can sink his teeth
into - "Rheumatoid Arthritis" ® "Muscular
Dystrophy"' -m and he's the best there is.
A real pro. A little lame girl with a
ribbon in her hair and a crutch under her
arm, and Poppa can set the world on fire.
He's really slumming tonight.
BARNEY'S VOICE
Hello, Archie.
MED. PETULIA AND ARCHIE
have been joined by BARNEY and WILMA, Archie's best
friends. Barney and Wilma are taking off their coats.
Barney is already beginning to move to the music.
0 Wilma is doing absolutely nothing but looking at
Petulia.
WILMA
Everybody came late.
ARCHIE
I came early. G'bye Wilma. G'bye
Barney.
DEBUTANTE ATTENDANT
Could you describe the coat?
ARCHIE
A. coat. A raincoat. Sleeves.
Barney has begun to snap his fingers and move his shoulders,
becoming part of "The Scene", about which Wilma couldn't
care less.
WILMA
You can't go, Archie. I'd be very
DISAPPOINTED
0
2 CONTINUED
E
Archie accepts this silently,
WI LMA
Alright, then. I won't tell you who
I bumped into last week
ARCHIE
buying a well larded rib roast.
WILMA
Smarty. Have you seen what she's done
to her hair?
ARCHIE
Wild, huh?
WILMA
I said, "Polo, for heaven's sake, you
look like a teenager."
Archie doesn't seem too interested and, besides, all
this is said while Wilma continues to look at Petulia.
�
WILMA
Your Mike's getting so fat. Is that
much weight good for a boy his age?
ARCHIE
(SHRUGGING)
If it's alright for a rib roast
WILMA
Smarty.
Barney suddenly forgets the music to rescue his Vicuna
coat which the debutante is smothering under other
coats as she finally finds Archie's.
W ILMA
(to Petulia)
I don't believe we've met.
PETULIA
Screw you, Wilma.
ARCHIE
Now you've met.
B
2 CONTINUED
Wilma moves off with Barney. Archie can't spend one
more second with his coat. He simply puts it on, and
turns to leave, walking toward the door.
PETULIA
My name is Petulia,
ARCHIE
Itm not surprised,
PETULIA
Polo's your wife,
ARCHIE
Ex-wife, G' night.
Petulia turns to face her husband David, who has taken a few
steps toward her. She whirls around to face the departing
Archie.
PETULIA
Archie!
He turns, almost at the door.
PETULIA
Say something warm.
0
ARCHIE
Like what?
PETULIA
I mean it
There is something goofily desperate in her voice that
stops him. He looks at her for awhile.
ARCHIE
Your hair, It gleams.
PETULIA
(DISAPPOINTED)
Oh, Archie...
ARCHIE
Left arm or right? How do you brush it?
PETULIA
Left.
ARCHIE
An hour a day.
0 PETULIA
At least.
0
2 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
You' 11 have a problem. The bursa sheath.
Very sensitive, Bursitis. It'll hurt.
PETULIA
I'll come to you.
ARCHIE
I wouldn't be able to help much. Just aspirin.
PETULIA
And sympathy?
ARCHIE
Sure.
_. PETULIA
Thank you, Archie. Damn it, how can I have an
affair with an unmarried man. There has to be
some equality of guilt.
ARCHIE
My divorce doesn't become final till next
�
month.
PETULIA
I'll get my purse.
But in turning to do so she sees David, then the
spinning car, the door prize.
PETULIA
ARCHIE
What?
PETULIA
I've been told that I'll be the one to draw
the winning ticket. I'm always picked for
things like that. I radiate incorruptibility.
Money can't buy me.
She shakes her head, thoughtfully. During all this the door-
man has been busily opening and closing the door for them as
they keep changing their mind.
PETULIA
It feels so super. Suddenly, all that love.
8
3 EXT. BUS TERMINAL
All we see is the wheel of a car resting on the back
of a small boy, pinning him to the ground and people
shocked, not knowing what to do.
ARCHIE'S VOICE
Well, stay then.
L PETULIA'S IMAGE ENDS AND WE ARE BACK IN THE GRAND BALLROOM
PETULIA
Archie, why do you play this dumb game?
This crappy pretense at resisting the
beautiful lady? You're bloody lucky I'm
even talking to you. How many kids do
you have besides fat Mike?
ARCHIE
Six.
PETULIA
G'night.
ARCHIE
Actually, only one besides Mike.
PETULIA
Meet you outside.
5 EXT. DREAM MOTEL NIGHT
A motel sign: "Dream Motel."' A concrete oval, spiral-
ling up four floors. You drive to your room and everything
is geared to get you to bed electronically. But you must
have a car, and Petulia and Archie have come by cab.
Archie is paying the cabbie.
PETULIA
(to cabbie)
You mustn't take it personal.
(she indicates the "No Cabs" sign)
Lucky we don't have luggage.
ARCHIE
Does this trouble you?
PETULIA
A little.
ARCHIE
I suggested my place.
PETULIA
0
I'd always imagined a tourist cabin, with
paper thin walls, the sounds of a man from
Tennessee in the cabin next door, sobbing
endlessly, "M4ude, Maude, Maude 8 8"'
91
CONTINUED
Archie sees a car moving through the processes of
E registration. Grabbing Petulia's hand, he starts to
what is presumably the entrance -- at least it is the
bottom of the ramp. They arrive at the booth and
Archie steps on the. place marked 'Stand Here.' A
T.V. screen lights up.
MAN ON TV
Evenin'. Where's your auto?
Archie nods for Petulia to see the T.V. camera which
is scanning them.
PETU LIA
Lost in a hailstorm this side of Pocatello,
Idaho. Those hailstones really came down,
didn't they, Zeke?
MAN ON TV
No auto?
ARCHIE
No auto.
MAN ON TV
It's a problem.
0
ARCHIE
Only if we make it one.
PETULIA
Do you have any slides or swings for children?
MAN ON TV
No, ma'am. You got kids?
PETULIA
No, no. I was told to be suspicious of
motels which cater to the family trade.
MAN ON TV
This isn't that sort of place. No auto.
WELL
There is a small sound and a gadget reaches out which
normally would fasten to the side of the car. On it is
an electronic register, an electronic pen and a key with
a great metal tag (as an example of how this might be
designed, I recommend visiting a drive-in bank in Los
Angeles). As Archie registers, and puts the ten dollar
bill where it belongs, Petulia looks at the T.V. set.
E
10
S
s Continued
PETULIA
You've got a very nice T,V, face.
MAN ON TV
Thank you, ma' amp,
PETULIA
You have to use pancake make-up, things
like that?
MAN ON TV
(a slight giggle)
No, just be natural.
Archie has finished registering and takes the keys.
MAN ON TV
We've got an elevator but its just for going
out for the paper and the like. I mean when
you don't want to take the car. You'll have
to use the ramp because of the key. It lets
you know when you get to your room.
INT. RAMP
Archie and Petulia start up ramp.
It's a long dark run and they are soon winded,
ARCHIE
(GASPING)
CHARMING
PETULIA
(GASPING)
It shouldn't be charming. You're missing
the whole point. It should be menacing .,,
Another couple in a proper car, rushes by. There is
a blaze of headlights, and a rush of sound.
PETULIA
,..gray . terribly distraught
headlights of passing cars lighting up our
room .,.
Archie tugs at her, and gasps.
0
11
6 CONTINUED
PETULIA
(CONTINUING)
... a police car careening down the highway,
sirens going full blast. And I plunge
madly into your arms
But she is now totally winded and cannot say another
word. Archie reacts to a sudden phenomena: a tiny
light on the key in his hand starts flicking on and off
furiously. Just ahead of him is the door of their motel
room. Archie is aghast at the pulsating key.
ARCHIE
(PLAINTIVELY)
My apartment's only four blocks from
HERE
7 INT. DREAM MOTEL ROOM
Stark is hardly the word but it will have to do. A
control panel takes care of the drapes, T.V., stereo,
announcements from the office, etc., etc., etc. There
are mirrors everywhere and the first thing Petulia
does is establish contact between the vanity mirror,
the mirror on the bathroom door and the medicine cabinet
mirror so that she is reflected endlessly.
PETULIA
You have 624 women in this room and
I'm still counting.
Archie moves behind her and begins unbuttoning the top
buttons on the back of her dress.
PETULIA
(HARSHLY)
Just wait a minute, okay?
Archie plops on the bed in his coat, a most iropic smile
on his face -- he is beginning to suspect he is not
going to get laid. Petulia is examining all the Petulia
faces in the mirrors.
PETULIA
My great-grandmother is ninety-one and
still has a granite chin.
Archie pushes a gadget beside the bed and it begins to
vibrate. Petulia sees endless Archies vibrating on
endless beds.
12
7 CONTINUED
PETULIA
What a lecherous lot
ARCHIE
She's ninety-ones eh?
PETULIA
But no fun.
ARCHIE
Not at ninety-one, hell
PETULIA
She stopped having fun at twenty-eight when her
husband was killed in the first war, in a
trench looking just like Cary Grant with a
waxed moustache. She can't remember him but
she does remember Cary Grant because he is
from Bristol, too, and often in the news. If
his picture is in the paper he gets a waxed
moustache whether he likes it or not.
She turns to face Archie. She is afraid and she is
angry and she doesn-t know quite what to do from one
moment to the next. But she knows he shouldn't be in an
overcoat jiggling on a jiggling bed,
�
PETULIA
Stop being so damn casual.
Archie sits up but is still casual,
PETULIA
We're about �td become lovers, Did you bring
an instrument, Archie?
ARCHIE
Eh?
PETULIA
Ring for room service. Ask the robot for
something splendid and musical,,
ARCHIE
Saxophone? Electric Organ? Tuba?
PETULIA
A tuba. Absolutely; Bless you, Ar--hie; A
tuba; Something large and twirly and pom
to pom .pomX Archie, this is an event. We
0 are about to become lovers.
7 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
You said that.
PETULIA
It can't be said often enough.
ARCHIE
Are we?
PETULIA
Are we what?
ARCHIE
About to become lovers?
PETULIA
No.
ARCHIE
Ah, you swinging young marrieds.
He leaves.
8 EXT. ROOM
0
Across from the ramp there is the elevator the man on
T.V. mentioned. Archie is already there waiting for it
to arrive. Petulia starts toward him angrily.
PETULIA
Where do you have to rush? If we were making
love you would be exploring my navel about now.
Time would be the last thing on your mind.
An old man in a bathrobe, sadly out of contrast with
the electronic motel, looks up from the open trunk of
his car. The elevator doors open. Petulia and Archie
enter,
9 INT. ELEVATOR
The elevator doors shut and inside the elevator a
loud speaker begins playing a medley of San Francisco
songs.
PETULIA
You. look like a gargoyle. Poor, dumb Archie.
I'm all mixed up sexually. Old Mum's a
prostitute. The oldest professional lady in
0 all Bristol. Mavis, too, my sister. But
I mean she's not a landmark yet.
9 CONTINUED
During this Archie notices that the back of Petulia's
dress remains unbuttoned. He moves behind her and
begins rebuttoning her. At the touch of his hand,
something happens to Petulia.
10 INT. FIRST AID ROOM
Archie's hands are holding a little boy under the bright
lights of a first aid table. The boy is a bloody mess but
Archie's hands are soothing him even as they so gently
prod, examining his injuries. Nurses are cutting the boy's
bloody jeans off him, an expensive watch falls to the
floor, they retrieve it.
11 INT. ELEVATOR
Petulia's head presses against Archie's hand. She
kisses it, she rubs her cheek against it.
The elevator has come to a stop and the doors have opened.
Archie sees Petulia's tears on his hand.
ARCHIE
Real honest-to-God tears, Petulia?
PETULIA
Tears, Archie.
0
ARCHIE
Petulia, you're a kook.
He exits the elevator and whistles at a cruising cab.
12 EXT. DREAM MOTEL
Archie crosses to the cab and opens the door. He hustles
Petulia inside the cab.
ARCHIE
If he gets you there in time, you can still
pick the winning ticket and make somebody happy.
PETULIA
(very quietly)
Archie, I'm going to marry you.
The cab pulls away and Archie sees Petulia looking at him
through the rear window. Archie allows himself the
drollest of smiles.
ARCHIE
It's the Pepsi generation
0 He walks into the night alone.
15
E 12 Continued
A jalopy full of dizzy dames with "LOVE" painted in
huge awkward letters on its side almost runs him
down. Archie continues in the night.
Now, we can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
13 EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAWN
The house is on the edge of the sea and a cliff rises
behind it. Petulia is going up the open lift which
climbs the cliff. It is a very different Petulia.
She hurts.
INT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM MORNING
Archie is sleeping. There is the SOUND of a bell
ringing. After awhile Archie's hand reaches out for
the phone.
ARCHIE
(into phone)
I'm up, thanks.
Then his dizzy brain realizes the ringing is continuing
and is constant. He sees the alarm clock, 6:1 He
stumbles and staggers to the front door.
ARCHIE
Yeah... yeah 000 yeah 000
He opens the door to come face to face with the large
and twirly front end of a tuba. The tuba is stark
white for no particular reason.
14A EXT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT
We see some of the hall, a yawning milkman, etc., but
mostly Petulia and the tuba.
14B INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT
Dazedly,.Archie steps back to make room for Petulia
and the tuba.
ARC HIE
I'll make some coffee.
Petulia blows with all her strength, emitting a sad
little peep, then collapses to the floor, tuba and all.
16
14B Continued
PETULIA
Aren't I a kook? If you think you're
SURPRISED
ARCHIE
(at the same time)
No, I've been up for hours, waiting for
the doorbell to ring,
PETULIA
, 0 think how surprised the-man who owns
the pawnshop is going to be when he sees
all that broken glass.
14C EXT. PAWN SHOP
A brick smashes the glass, scattering cameras, mandolins,
etc. in the midst of which is the white tuba.
PETULIA'S VOICE
Archie, how come the burglar alarm didn't
go off?
14D INT. ARCHIE'S APT.
0 The scene continues.
PETULIA
Wherets it all going to end if the
burglar alarms won't go off? Take me
to bed, Archie,
ARCHIE
Get the hell out of here . please.
He reaches to help Petulia to her feet but as he touches
her waist to lift her, she screams and faints,
15 INT. HALLWAY OF DANNER HOUSE NIGHT
But we don't know it's the Danner house. All we see is
Petulia crumpling as she is struck. She hits the floor
and just lies there, not making a sound.
(Also SHOOT in slow motion.)
16 INT. ARCHIE' S APARTMENT
Archie breaks an ammonia ampule under Petulia's nose.
Her head wrenches away and she opens her eyes. Archie
has begun to prod her side; she is in pain.
17
16 CONTINUED
PETULIA
I've got a broken rib, I think, I can
feel it broken, Archie.
ARCHIE
Don't you know you can puncture a lunge
PETULIA
Hopping around with tubas and stuff --
isntt it kooky, though?
Archie has begun to remove her dress.
PETULIA
When are we going to stop trying to
undress me?
ARCHIE
Shut up.
PETULIA
Leave me alone, Archie.
Archie sees she really means it,
ARCHIE
0
It's just a rib to me,
PETULIA
That's why. Call a proper doctor,
ARCHIE
What do you think I am?
PETULIA
A hairy legged old lecher running around
in pajama bottoms,
ARCHIE
Get your clothes off,
PETULIA
As a woman, not as a rib.
Archie is harassed. The phone begins ringing. He grabs
it angrily.
ARCHIE
(into phone)
I'm awake! I'm awake; How many times
are you gonna call?I
He hangs up, then realizes this was the first wake up call.
18
16 CONTINUED
E ARCHIE
(to Petulia)
You know what a- you'll drive me cuckoo.
He sighs. and begins dialing a number. Petulia is in real
pain. Like a,little child she crawls under the covers of
his bed, pulling the quilt up around her as though Archie's
left over warmth will make the pain go away.
ARCHIE
(into phone)
Barney? Archie. Fine fine , , fine ,
I want you to look at a patient for me.
Now. At my place. My apartment, Barney,
it's very complicated and I haven't had
my morning coffee yet. Her name is Petulia.
I don't know her last name, Barney. Yes,
Petulia. Barney, shut up. I have to get
to the hospital.
16A BARNEY'S BEDROOM MORNING
During the above we catch a glimpse of sleepy Barney
sleepily asking stupid questions.
16B INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT
Archie hangs up, goes to a medicine case which he had
hastily opened for the ammonia ampule and now he takes out
a couple of pills, which he gives to Petulia,. She takes
them obediently,
PETULIA
You've got a super build for a man your age.
Archie says nothing. He crosses to the bathroom and
hastily begins dressing.
PETULIA
Where are all the family pictures?
Archie is busy brushing his teeth,
PETULIA
(LOUDLY)
The family pictures!
He looks out from the bathroom blankly,
PETULIA
Polo and the boys.
�
Archie goes back to brushing his teeth electrically, with
salt.
19
16B Continued
• PETULIA
I'll bet you named her Polo. Don't ever
start mucking about with "Petulia".
Archie exits from the bathroom, all the time continuing
to dress,
PETULIA
What°s her real name?
ARCHIE
Prudence.
PETULIA
And you named her Polo. That's kind
of sickening, Archie.
Archie stops his dressing long enough to gaze at this girl
in his bed, beyond which is an overturned tuba. Archie
sighs somewhat philosophically, not nearly as amused as
you'd think.
17 INT. HOSPITAL
We are in the examining room of the orthopedic ward.
Archie is working on Oliver, the little Mexican boy of
�
seven whom we have seen earlier as a bloody mess in the
flashback. Now, Oliver is healing nicely, but it's still
not pleasant to be examined. A woman hovers in the back-
ground. A nurse assists Archie. Oliver is a brave, solemn
little boy, with shadows of fatigue around his eyes. He
is also a tough little bastard, let me tell you. He is
now wearing the broken gold watch; though to fit his
skinny wrist the band has been tied in a knot,
ARCHIE
I want him here every day. For therapy.
WOMAN
Si, Yes, doctor. I do,
Oliver speaks only a few words of English, mostly the
necessary scatological and sexual phrases that would be
necessary in his line of business.
ARCHIE
Every day. Tell him that.
The woman says it to Oliver in Spanish. Oliver says
something obviously obscene.
20
17 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
What'd he say?
WOMAN
(EMBARRASSED)
He say yes.
ARCHIE
(dubiously, to woman)
You sure?
(to Oliver)
Otherwise we keep you in the hospital.
You're not well, just better.
(to woman)
Say that.
The woman tells Oliver in Spanish as Archie continues
examining the leg.
ARCHIE
Sorry, pal.
Oliver says something in Spanish.
WOMAN:
(smiling a bit)
�
Where he learn such words shame on you.
(then in Spanish)
Shame.
Archie realizes Oliver is in great pain and close to tears.
He stops the examination and rubs his hand gently through
the kid's hair,
ARCHIE
Every day. Same time. Two o'clock,
right on the dot.
(he hits watch on wrist.
The last bit of glass falls
out.)
Sorry , ,
Oliver swears in Spanish and the woman clacks her tongue.
WOMAN
(EMBARRASSED)
He terrible.
ARCHIE
(CHUCKLING)
I like the way he heals.
0
21
17 CONTINUED
Archie smiles and leaves. The nurse is left with Oliver
who avoids her touch,
NURSE
Cut that out, you little spit,
18 TNT. CORRIDOR
Archie stops to hear what the woman has to say.
WOMAN
About the bill, Doctor.
Barney is passing by.
ARCHIE
Is she okay?
BARNEY
(DARKLY)
Lunch.
Archie looks up at the woman.
• ARCHIE
His leg will be fine. Don't worry too
much about the bill. Just enough to pay it.
WOMAN
I have money to pay it,
A pipe smoking public relations man leads a casually
dressed group past Archie and the woman.
PUBLIC RELATIONS MAN
Yea, we had ABC filming a documentary
here last week
19 INT. THE ROARING 20'S CAFE DAY
All through the scene Barney and Archie will be served by
topless waitresses while other topless waitresses slide
down a big brass pole in the centre of the room. As the
scene begins Barney is alone, morosely munching a corned
beef sandwich. Now Archie appears, threading his way
through topless fashion show. A topless ANNOUNCER is
doing the fashion commentary into a chrome microphone,
as the topless models majestically move about.
�
22
0 19 CONTINUED
ANNOUNCER
(no fashion cliche untouched)
Springtime in Paree. Our elegante dinner
pajamas. In airy aquamarine chiffon and
Mediterranean blue peau de soie.
Delightfully carefree, yet formal enough
for an ambassadorial reception at the
Palace of Versailles.
BARNEY
"Screw you, Wilma." Why didn't you tell
me?
ARCHIE
How is she?
BARNEY
You tell me.
ARCHIE
Oh, great, terrific, you wouldn't
believe it. Terrific. And her rib?
BARNEY
I taped it. Gave her some seconal.
• Should have a vertical just to be safe.
A waitress hovers
ARCHIE
Why do we have to eat topless?
BARNEY
The best Irish stew in town.
He is eating a corned beef sandwich. Archie is ordering
the same.
BARNEY
She said you beat her up. Kidding,
of course.
Archie bites into his sandwich with small enthusiasm.
Breasts with their pasties always intrude.
BARNEY
You must have been a little rough on her,
daddy.
E
23
19 CONTINUED
The second model, a beautiful topless Negress, is now
wandering past the tables. The announcer goes on and on.
ANNOUNCER
Opening Night at the Opera. Though the
curtain has risen on the first act of
Aida, all eyes are on the Royal Box,
Mi Lady in dazzling velvet: Cardinal
Richelieu Rouge. The utter simplicity
of her full-length gown is subtly accented
by the merest suggestion of gay abandon.
Archie eats his sandwich. An off-duty topless waitress
sits in the corner having lunch, holding a napkin over
her bosom with one hand, while eating with the other.
BARNEY
Archie ?
ARCHIE
Barney ?
BARNEY
(UNEASILY)
You know how long I've known you?
�
ARCHIE
Forever?
BARNEY
That's how long. And Polo and the kids.
That's exactly how long.
Another silence. Archie is watching the brass pole.
Every other girl sliding down looks like Petulia. Archie
accepts his hallucination with mild pleasure. Barney
will not be stopped.
BARNEY'S VOICE
So I have a right to my opinion; It's
breaking Wilma's heart; That's all we
talk about. You think you're different
than anybody else? Every time I leave my
house it's the last time, I'm never coming
back. You're not listening to me, Archie.
ARCHIE'S VOICE
Barney, for Chrissake, I'm listening to you,
BARNEY'S VOICE
You're thinking about that hot cat in your
bed, you bastard.
24
19 CONTINUED
Now, in the continuous luncheon fashion show, the
"Psychedelic Yvonne" has appeared, topless amid a wild
pattern of lights, The dialogue between Barney and Archie
continues elsewhere as the orgy of colors becomes:
20 INT. HOSPITAL
The left side of a patient's face and the right shoulder
and arm of the patient's body are sprayed with a special
liquid which instantly dries a violent blue and then very
quickly starts changing into all the colors of the rainbow.
These various colors indicate physical conditions. They
are watched, measured, and timed by Archie, Barney and
their assistants,
BARNEY'S VOICE
My record is far from spotless, if you
don't know that, who does? But baby, it's
just not the answer, not at our age.
ARCHIE'S VOICE
So what's the answer, baby?
BARNEY'S VOICE
• Someplace you can belch without saying
excuse me!
ARCHIE'S VOICE
I can do that in the steam room at the YMCA.
BARNEY'S VOICE
(going right on)
And if a little monkey business comes along,
whose gonna throw rocks? You and Polo were
a marvellous looking couple.
21 INT. HOSPITAL LEAD ROOM
The patient is in a lead room being scanned by an atomic
computer. The activator moves in a rhythmic, graceful
pattern over the patient's drab, withered body. In the
control area Archie and Barney listen to the strange sounds
emanating from the computer, each sound again indicating a
physical condition. The patient's room looks like a comfy
hotel room: wood paneling, couches, magazines, plants.
The door leading to outside is three inches thick and
solid lead. The noise from the equipment is deafening.
IS
25
21 CONTINUED
10 BARNEY'S VOICE
Is there something wrong with being a
groovy looking couple? People turning
around to stare? What was it, Archie?
The sex bit? Huh? The ole sex bit ,,,?
ARCHIE'S VOICE
Barney, what would you say if I told you
that one day I just got very tired of being
married?
22 INT. A DECOMPRESSION OPERATING ROOM
This is a really glorified pressure chamber where a complete
atmosphere is created to suit whatever surgery is going on.
The patient can no longer be seen. He is draped in plastic
which creates a sub-atmosphere. The doctors and nurses
are swathed in plastic, again in the atmosphere that lets
them function best, (This is for real. It exists, for
instance, at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York.) The doctors
and nurses communicate with each other through throat
mikes and seem like other world automatons. In all this
the patient simply does not exist. The colors are eerie
yellows and blues with only occasionally and very
impersonally the red of blood,
�
BARNEY'S VOICE
(he never listens)
It's still better than being out there in
the dark, all by your goddam lonesome!
Nobody has a life anymore. Quicksand,
It scares me. What do you want, Archie?
23 INT. DOCTOR'S GYM
Archie and Barney are in a white cubicle playing handball.
Their dialogue, of course, continues,
ARCHIE
(GASPING)
I don't know what I want. To feel something,
BARNEY
(GASPING)
That's no answer; Archie, grow up!
The ball comes whizzing at Barney who suddenly wants it
to hit him, which it does,
BARNEY
Archie, what am I going to do about Wilma?
0
26
24 EXT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT LATE AFTERNOON
Archie has just parked his car and is going toward the
entrance, when he sees Petulia sitting on a bus-stop
bench, the tuba beside her. She is dozing.
ARCHIE
(SOFTLY)
Hey, you.
She opens her eyes, smiles.
PETULIA
I'm drunk.
ARCHIE
It's the stuff Barney gave you.
PETULIA
I'm drunk.
ARCHIE
I'll drive you home.
PETULIA
Thank you, I'll take the bus.
0
ARCHIE
Don't be silly.
PETULIA
Don't pry, Archie.
ARCHIE
How'm I prying?
PETULIA
I'll go home by bus.
ARCHIE
If I were prying, I would ask you how you
broke your rib. Right?
PE TULIA
You fall on a tuba and you break your
rib. Right.
ARCHIE
Wrong. The rib was broken hours before
your fall.
L' During this the bus comes to a stop. Petulia rises shakily
to board it but she can't go through the entrance with
the tuba.
27
CONTINUED
BUS DRIVER
Anytime you're ready, Lady.
ARCHIE
I'll keep it for you.
PETULIA
It has to be returned. "Friends of
the Evergreen,"
Archie looks blank.
PETULIA
It's a lodge. In Chinatown. On Grant.
Ask for Mr. Howard.
The bus driver really leans on his horn to make everything
charming.
ARCHIE
(shouting above horn)
Petulia, take a cab!
PETULIA
(shouting above horn)
�
Don't pry, Archie:
She groggily enters the bus, leaving the tuba in Archie's
arms.
25 INT. BUS
Petulia takes a seat at an open window. The bus is now
stopped for a moment more by the traffic light. Petulia,
under the best of circumstances doesn't make much sense,
and now she's quite groggy.
PETULIA
Will you remember that? "Friends of
the Evergreen."
ARCHIE
Petulia, where are you going?
PETULIA
Mr. Howard. Tell him I'm sorry I goofed.
Archie, you know something? The tuba
makes you look ten years younger, and
. you'know ... Thingy
0 The bus starts with a jolt and Petulia winces in pain.
28
26 INT. DANNER HOUSE KITCHEN
Petulia is wincing with pain as she puts groceries on
the shelf. David is watching her, concerned.
DAVID
Petulia?
PETULIA
Hi.
DAVID
You okay?
PETULIA
Uh huh.
DAVID
Sure?
PETULIA
Of course.
DAVID
Just before ---
I
PETULIA
I'm fine.
DAVID
... for a split second there
PETULIA
Ism okay.
DAVID
I thought maybe you
PETULIA
David.
Somehow or other we begin to sense that madness has
entered what is really a commonplace scene. Something
has gone wrong and we can't for the life of us under-
stand what and before we can even guess, we are:
27 INT. BUS
Petulia is still in the bus and we realize she has
0 imagined the foregoing. She gets off the bus.
29
28 EXT. THE VERY. MODEST OFFICES OF THE "FRIENDS OF THE
EVERGREEN" DAY.
The sign on the door identifies this as a fraternal
organization, founded in 1886 for the betterment of man,
but the door is securely padlocked for the night.
Archie stands there, holding the tuba and feeling
stupid. Haplessly, he returns to his car and begins
stowing the tuba inside, banging it against his nose
in the process. He is a far from happy man.
29 EXT./INT. A CLUTTERED, MEAN LITTLE KITCIEN
IN A SLUM HOUSE DAY
Petulia is filling the noisy old electric ice box with
milk, ice cream and fresh fruit. A man enters from
another room. He is a big, sleepy-eyed Mexican. He
has just awakened, is wearing his pajama bottoms and
is hairy, sweaty and fat.
Petulia obviously knows tlleiman, nods hello, to which
the man answers a non-committal grunt. He squeezes
past Petulia to drink from the sink. He sticks his
head under the tap.
0
PETULIA
(she speaks slowly because he
doesn't understand English)
I came by to make sure there was enough
milk and things.
He finds the situation amusing, reaching in past Petulia
to grab an orange. There should be a feeling of a
possible relationship between Petulia and this man.
In the next room a screen door opens and closes.
Petulia closes the ice box door and we and she see
Oliver and the Woman standing in the doorway.
30 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT NIGHT
Archie is doing research at a desk. Working from notes,
he is talking into a tape recorder about new techniques
in the treatment of arthritis that would not require
surgery. This is a moment to glimpse Archie as a
thoughtful man. There are a couple of beer bottles
nearby. The bed is still unmade. The tuba stands
in the corner.
0
The front doorbell rings and Archie crosses over to
let in his wife, Polo, a very attractive young matron.
30
30 CONTINUED
Polo looks about the apartment dubiously, from tuba to
unmade bed. She can't keep her eyes off the unmade bed.
ARCHIE
(after `awhile )
Hi, Polo.
POLO
It's very nice.
Archie looks at her questioningly.
POLO
I've never been here before.
It's very nice.
ARCHIE
Thanks.
POLO
It's strange, coming into your husband's
bachelor apartment for the first time.
Feels slightly illegal. Is that a tuba?
0
ARCHIE
That's a tuba.
POLO
Make a marvelous lamp.
ARCHIE
You just had to say it.
POLO
Predictable Polo.
ARCHIE
"Predictable Polo." Has a certain zing.
How're the kids?
POLO
Looking forward to the weekend.
Lest I forget
She opens her large handbag, takes out a cellophane bag
of cookies.
POLO
As usual, I baked enough for an army.
ARCHIE
Okay.
31
0 30 CONTINUED
POLO
This is very strange. I didntt think
I'd feel like this. Mostly sad.
Archie's sad, too, therefore he is more brusque than
necessary. Also he is bugged by the cookies.
ARCHIE
You need anything, Polo?
POLO
No. Well, yes. Well, yes and no.
ARCHIE
(SMILING)
I think that covers all the possibilities.
Polo laughs, suddenly they share a moment of warmth.
POLO
It's such a puzzle. We really got on
so marvelously. Never fought. Never
screamed at each other. Not once.
• Something in his silence, plus that damned unmade bed,
is beginning to make her angry.
POLO
Everybody we knew envied us.
ARCHIE
We were a handsome couple.
This makes her so angry she can now say what she came
to say.
POLO
I think I've fallen in love. The
man is Warren Smith. He's an engineer
and very good with the children, but he
wants to go back to school and get his
masters in hydraulics.
(very long pause)
Well, say something.
ARCHIE
(BLANDLY)
I think that's fine, Polo.
• POLO
(MILDLY)
Go to hell.
32
0 30 CONTINUED
Tie phone begins ringing. Archie crosses to it.
ARCHIE
Hello?
(no answer)
Hello?
POLO
Were going to'be married.
ARCHIE
Great.
(into phone)
Hello?
31 INT. DANNER HOUSE NIGHT
' David is on the phone and Petulia'has just entered.
David hangs up the phone.
PETULIA
• DAVID
PETULIA
She stops. She waits for a moment, wondering if the
scene she imagined on the bus is now going to occur.
Will David now say, "Just for a second there .?"
DAVID
Come on, let's eat. Morrie finally
got a shipment of Dungeness crab.
PETULIA
About time.
DAVID
Well, poor guy. They had all that trouble.
David crosses to the dining area. And that's that.
32 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT NIGHT
POLO
Not right away. He's also divorced.
There's alimony ... child support
It looks absolutely obscene.
33
• 32 Continued
Archie sees her. looking at his bed.
ARCHIE
(ANNOYED)
So the kids like him, eh?
POLO
Adore him.
ARCHIE
How about that?
POLO
Don't you have maid service?
ARCHIE
(SUDDENLY)
What the hell are you doing, bringing
me cookies?
He flings the bag at her, barely missing her. They
are both stunned by this outburst,
'OLO
• (shakily)
Well ... this is a new side of your
natured For two people who never fight
Absently, Polo sags down on the edge of the unmade bed,
which has so fascinated her. During the following, no
matter what their bodies happen to be doing, Polo and
Archie continue to speak in a most logical manner.
ARCHIE
What's so great about not fighting?
POLO
I came to tell you about Warren,
ARCHIE
You told me about Warren.
He sits beside her, well not really beside her, actually
as far away from her as the bed will permit. She decides
she will instantly get up off the bed, but she does not.
ARCHIE
(CONTINUING)
Warren is working for his m'tstah's
in hydraulics.
34
0 32 CONTINUED
Polo knows she shouldn't smile at Archie making fun of
Warren, but she does. Archie touches her smile with his
finger, then his hand moves across her face, to the back
of her neck. It is a clumsy gesture and they clumsily
sprawl on the bed.
POLO
Well, I'm afraid well still need
all the money you pay me. And I'll
be seeing him, Archie
32A INT. POLO'S BEDROOM
It's a nice enough room, which makes what she says
later quite absurd,'
She and Warren are preparing for bed ®m already in a
boring ritualistic fashion; she with curlers in her
hair, he hanging his trousers on a hanger,
POLO IS VOICE
, (continuing)
., at the house. I mean until Warren
�
and I get married, which won't be
32B. INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT
By now, entirely out of habit, Archie's hand has
pushed up Polo's shirt, as he continues the sex ritual.
Wholly out of habit, Polo lets him. Their bodies, old
friends for so long, and once having been lovers,
simply ignore whatever tripe their mouths happen to
be saying,
POLO
(CONTINUING)
until he is established with some
hydraulics firma I hope it won't be
too long, I mean for everybody's sake.
ARCHIE
If he's a bright guy, he'll make out okay.
POLO
Needless to say there are certain problems.
By now, Archie is on top of Polo, and out of habit she
is adjusting her body for him.
35
32B Continued
POLO
He lives in such a depressing, rented
room. It gives me claustrophobia.
ARCHIE
Poor Polo.
POLO
It's such an icky little room.
Archie is, perhaps, two seconds away from entering Polo,
when he suddenly sits up, wondering what the hell he's
been doing. He walks to the far side of the room,
sticks his shirt in, wipes the sleeve of his shirt
across his face.
Polo feels no particular rancor, the entire thing was
totally unplanned, and she has no more desire to
"make it" with Archie than he has with her. She pulls
down her skirt and adjusts her garters.
ARCHIE
Tell the kids I'll come for them
0 Sunday at eight.
POLO
They'll be ready. I thought the
decent thing was to come here and
talk in a civilized manner. About
the change in my situation.
ARCHIE
I appreciate it, Polo.
POLO
Good night, Archie.
ARCHIE
You've got a run in your stocking.
Polo exits, Archie can't figure out why in the world
he even thought of making love to Polo after all this
time. He sits down on the unmade bed, finds one of
Polo's cookies on the sheets, and pops it into his
mouth.
33. EXT. TEA GARDEN DAY
0 It's a busy Saturday and everything is lovely. A
36
33 CONTINUED
LARGE GUARD with a bull horn is keeping people moving
on the Japanese bridge. Many soldiers on pass, a few
hippies, but mostly just tourists.
LARGE GUARD
(with bull horn)
Now you folks keep moving along that
bridge. You keep moving along and give
other folks a chance. There's lots of
pretty things to do. You keep moving
right along. You won't want to forget
our Niponese souvenir pagoda where every
item is the real McCoy. That's right.
Keep moving, that's the ticket.
Sergeant, you've been standing there
some time now.
During this, MAY and Archie talk.
'.s 32 and pretty. Its a nice day but Archie is
not happy. Polo, Warren, maybe Petulia mostly it's
kind of a lousy day to be a bachelor, . and May have
been sitting on the grass. Gracefully she rises to
her feet, doing everything just right, even this.
0 She puts away her portable martini kit.
ARCHIE
Nobody in the world can sit on the
grass and not wrinkle.
She looks.
ARCHIE
No, perfect. Not even a blade of
grass. Why don't I marry you, May?
MAY
Why don't you, Ar^hie?
They walk along holding hands. Archie should feel
better than he does.
ARCHIE
Tell me about Bobby Kennedy.
She looks at him, smiling.
ARCHIE
(SHRUGGING)
Picasso? Pickles?
She smiles tolerantly as they walk along.
37
• 33 Continued)
ARCHIE
Choose a subject. Ice cubes. Any
damn thing. Take either side. Talk
for thirty seconds against ice cubes.
MAY
(EASILY)
Why the hostility, Archie?
ARCHIE
That dress shop of yours. "Boutique."
I've never seen one of those ... your
rubber mannequins .. I've never once
seen the pipe sticking out of their
bottoms. Not once, not one damn time.
That bothers me, May.
May stops. She doesn1t know whether to be annoyed or
amused. Shets a little of both.
ARCHIE
I'm not hostile, it's frustration.
In all that perfection, how could a
clumsy clot like me possibly be
fitted in? I mean, without spoiling
the whole effect.
They have now reached the area of the stunted trees.
Nuns are passing through empty benches; kids are
improvising on the stage and shouting.
MAY
Don't worry about it. You'll be
going back to Polo.
ARCHIE
No, she's found a fellah.
MAY
Oh.
She watches the kids for a moment.
MAY
I'd just about given up on you,
ARCHIE
What I should do is marry you.
For May this has been said once too often. She is now
�
thoroughly annoyed.
38
33 CONTINUED)
KAY
Archie, if it would please you, I'll
submit a list of my faults, some of
which might shake you up a bit.
ARCHIE
It would be a fake list.
MAY
Probably, It wouldn't be a fake
list. Actually, I wear arch supports,
my depilatory causes a nasty little
rash, and I've lost 10% of my hearing
in less than a year .. Okay?
ARCHIE
OKAY;
They laugh, kiss, grab at each other, and hurry toward
the parking lot for Archie's car.
34 EXT. STEPS OF ARCHIE' S APARTMENT DAY
Petulia waits on the steps. When she is not being observed,
when she is not "on," there are moments when Petulia seems
utterly forlorn. This is such a moment. But then she sees
Archie and May and instantly she is "with it."
ARCHIE
Well of all people.
PETULIA
All that crap about the humanitarian-
ism of the medical profession.
She darts alongside the building and begins frantically
calling to a little old man in white duck pants and an
"aloha" hat,
May looks at Archie questioningly.
ARCHIE
Don't ask.
Petulia and the old man are back joining Archie and May
on the steps.
PETULIA
(ACCUSINGLY)
Archie, this is Mr. Howard.
0 MR. HOWARD
I was looking at the foundation.
Once in a while you find one from
before the earthquake. It's a thrill,
believe you me.
39
0 3L1. Continued
Petulia resents any sense of cordiality at this
particular time.
PETULIA
Mr. Howard is the'watchman for
the "Friends of the Evergreen."
Or was.
ARCHIE
The tuba.
PETULIA
No wonder people are becoming cynical
about doctors.
ARCHIE
I tried to return it. The place
was locked.
MR. HOWARD
No harm done,
PETULIA
• I didn't expect this of you,
Archie'.
ARCHIE
I tried to return the tuba Friday
NIGHT;
MR. HOWARD
It's O.K.
PETULIA
(accusingly to
ARCHIE)
The "Friends of the Evergreen" are
very proud of their brass band.
MR. HOWARD
All's well that ends well.
PETULIA
Stay out of this, Mr. Howard.
She sees May watching all this with wry amusement.
PETULIA
I'm Petulia Danner. I'm sorry about
this.
40
0 35 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT DAY
Mr. Howard is casually testing the valves on the tuba.
MR . HOWARD
She said there was this elderly lady whose
first husband used to play tuba with John
Phillip Sousa. She said it would cheer
her up and make her want to live. She
gave me five bucks.
ARCHIE
(looking at Petulia)
All that broken glass
MR. HOWARD
(finished with the tuba)
Its okay.
Archie crosses to the front door and opens it.
ARCHIE
Goodbye, Mr. Howard. Goodbye, Petulia.
Petulia crosses to Mr. Howard and presses a dollar bill
into his shirt pocket.
�
PETULIA
Take a taxi. You can at least say
you're sorry, Archie.
ARCHIE
I'm sorry, Mr, Howard. Goodbye, Petulia.
But Petulia just sits on the edge of a chair tapping
her fingers in annoyance. Mr. Howard leaves. The door
remains open for Petulia to leave. May watches Petulia
in amused tolerance.
ARCHIE
What's the next move, Petulia?
PETULIA
I'd like to discuss your irresponsibility.
People are passing in the hallway, peering in.
ARCHIE
Goodbye, Petulia.
He advances on her, somewhat threateningly.
�
PETULIA
My rib.
Archie slams the door shut ets a bottle and a couple g
of glasses, pointedly, exclu ding Petulia.
41
0 35 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
I should explain about Petuliaa She is
a kook. We are going to be married.
PETULIA
Archie, when you try to sound cool and
"with it," you're really pathetic.
We're trying to have an intelligent
conversation...
ARCHIE
About what?
PETULIA
Well, about Polo, among other things.
ARCHIE
Polo is none of your damned business.
PETULIA
That's dumb. Dumb. She's my business
and she's this lady's business. I
happen to hate Polo.
ARCHIE
(to May)
Needless to say she's never even met Polo.
PETULIA
I look at you and I know Polo.
(to Map)
Explain that to him.
May looks at Archie in bewilderment, she is not quite sure
how to react; but when she makes up her mind it will be
the exactly right reaction. Also, in all truth, Petulia
is frightened by May.
PETULIA
How many years were you married., Archie?
Eight? Ten? Anyhow, the best, Wasted.
Gone down the drain.
ARCHIE
Oh, come on ..o
PETULIA
Archie, we are from two different worlds.
We've got nothing to agree on. Except one
thing. You're a lonely screwed up mess.
0 Archie, I'm trying to save you. You're
a very special man.
42
0 35 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
Oh, God.
PETULIA
Tell him, May.
Petulia doesn't like May's amused reaction.
PETULIA
You don't think so?
MAY
I won't put Archie on a pedestal. He'll do.
PETULIA
(ANGRY)
You've got yourself another winner, Archie.
MAY
(to Archie)
It's a joke, you're both putting me on.
ARC HIE
Petulia. I mean it. Tubas. All this
E "I Love Lucy" jazz. It's only cute for
awhile.
PETULIA
It's not meant to be cute. I'm
fighting for your life.
ARCHIE
Who's trying to kill me?
MAY
The two million, five hundred thousand
subscribers to the "Ladies Home Journal"
... right, dear?
ARCHIE
Petulia, go home and save what's his name.
I really don't want to see you anymore.
Archie's voice is cold. Petulia is suddenly defeated,
mostly by May. She gets up and leaves.
36 INT. HOSPITAL NIGHT
It's after 3 a.m. and Archie is hollow-eyed and drenched
0 with sweat from an emergency operation. He is with a
patient in the recovery room, obviously concerned about
43
i 36 Continued
the patient's chances. He crosses to a sink, bathes his
face and hands with cold water. He is exhausted. As we
sometimes glimpse Petulia when no one else is looking
and see beyond the kookiness, so for an instant we see
beyond Archie's look of professional assurance and see
the fearful uncertainty. He now moves into the corridor,
with each step assuming the doctor's look that is expected
of him.
PETULIA'S VOICE
Hi.
Archie turns. Petulia is in the medical library with
books scattered all about her.
ARCHIE
You're kidding.
PETULIA
I think I've discovered a cure for cancer.
ARCHIE
Well, if you're on the brink of something.
How did they let you in.
�
She joins him.
PETULIA
You look exhausted.
ARCHIE
Do you know it's almost three? Doesn't
Mr. Danner worry at all about things like that?
Petulia looks at him reverently.
PETULIA
(TENDERLY)
Look at you.
Archie is so unaccustomed to hearing a straight line
from Petulia that her tone and look of tenderness stop
him for a moment. Then, without a word, they fall into
step beside each other, leaving the hospital.
37 EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT
At this time of night hardly a car remains. Archie's car
is quite by itself.
0
37 CONTINUED
ARC HIE
Shall I drop you off?
(she doesn't answer)
It's too late for the bus.
She gets in.
38 INT . CAR
ARCHIE
Petulia, you've got to stop following
me around like this.
Petulia is absolutely silent but her eyes are devouring
him with infinite tenderness which Archie is finding
very touching. It is a facet of Petulia he has never
seen before.
ARCHIE
Where to? I could use a steak sandwich.
There's a jazz joint that stays open
all night.
He reaches to start the car just as she grabs at him,
• awkwardly, aggressively.
ARCHIE
(SURPRISED)
Hey, come on ®m why this sudden
Petulia is relentless and voracious. Her hands and mouth
are everywhere on Archie. A car is a lousy bedroom but
it will have to do. Heads bump against windows, elbows
jam against steering wheels, but Petulia will not be
stopped. Finally, Archie grips her shoulders and forces
her to stop.
ARCHIE
No.
PETULIA
Yes.
ARC HIE
Not here.
39 INT. SUPERMARKET PRE-DAWN
Though the streets outside are deserted, the supermarket
is jammed with people. Archie is pushing a market
• basket already piled high with groceries while Petulia
keeps finding things to buy. Archie knows that Petulia
is going through this massive shopping spree simply to
get even for his rejection of the moment she chose to
make love.
45
• 39 Continued
ARCHIE
It m not really hungry.
PETULIA
I'm starving.
ARCHIE
Am I being punished?
PETULIA
Loganberry jam ... we'll have a case.
ARCHIE
I'd rather have a new plastic raincoat.
PETULIA
You don't save anything on plastic raincoats.
ARCHIE
Shall I get another cart? Polo can fill
three or four when she really puts her
mind to it.
Petulia gets the point and instantly takes her place
0
in the long line before the cashier.
WOMAN SHOPPER
(as if it's Petulia's fault)
You know what time it is? It's after fivB.
PETULIA
Ilia sorry.
WOMAN SHOPPER
I want to go to bed.
PETULIA
So do we.
40 EXT. SUPERMARKET
Petulia and Archie leave the supermarket with their rolling
basket of groceries. There is no one else on the street.
In front of the market is a clown on a pedestal gesticu-
lating with arms and mouth at people who are not there,
but making no sound. Petulia quizzically looks up at the
silent violent clown, while Archie waits for her at the
car. Finally he taps the horn and she turns and looks at
him. She starts running toward the car, suddenly wanting
0 very much to be with him. They kiss lightly.
46
9 41 INT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM NIGH'
Archie is sound asleep, breathing heavily. Petulia sits
wrapped in a blanket on the floor near the window, her
head resting on the sill, lonely.
42 TNT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM NIGHT
Petulia is sound asleep. Through the open bedroom door
we see Archie drinking a lonesome Coke.
43 INT. ARCHIES BEDROOM NIGHT
Petulia and Archie are both in the bed, asleep and
somehow as far apart as two human beings can be.
44 INT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM NIGHT
In the midst of her sleep, Petulia begins jabbering in
some language all her own. Archie Is eyes open and he
looks at her and he smiles. Still sound asleep,
Petulia finishes her statement, whatever the hell it
was and settles down on the pillow. Archie looks at her.
She wakes up. They look at each other so gravely that
they both begin to smile. Neither one is having the
best night of their life but both are aware of a sense
• of tenderness that has caught them unexpectedly.
45 INT. ARCHIEtS BEDROOM MORNING
Petulia wakes up suddenly. Though she is nude under the
sheets, Archie is fully dressed for his day with the
boys. Though his clothes are very sporty he looks
anything but sporty as he talks quietly into the phone-
ARCHIE
(into phone)
Okay. Wells why not do some slides anyhow?
(in sudden anger)
To satisfy myself, that's who. Okay.
He hangs up the phone and sees Petulia looking at him.
ARCHIE
Well, we knocked off another one. Another
notch in the old stethoscope.
PETULIA
You're a wonderful doctor, Archie.
ARCHIE
I keep a little black bow tie in my desk. In
0 case the services are in the morning and 1 have
no time to go home. The neekband's all stained
with sweat.
47
45 CONTINUED
PETULIA
Why are you dressed?
ARCHIE
Have to pick up the, kids, I'm already late.
PETULIA
You're not abandoning me? I mean, I wasn't
all that bad, was I?
ARCH IE
Amateur night,
He leans over and kisses her mouth.
PETULIA
Before I've brushed my teeth? Are you a
communist, Archie?
ARCHIE
I guess so
PETULIA
Tell Mike to watch that weight.
0
ARCHIE
Will you be here when I get back?
PETULIA
(SMILING)
Dumb, Archie. Dumb.
Archie starts out, then stops, troubled.
PETULIA
Yes?
ARCHIE
WELL
PETULIA
I'm divorcing David, if that's what you mean,
ARC HIE
(SHARPLY)
That's none of my business.
Petulia is suddenly hurt.
PETULIA
Phone me.
9
ARCHIE
Where?
48
0 45 CONTINUED
PETULIA
Here.
ARCHIE
Listen, this worries me. Really.
PETULIA
Write the Number down so you won't forget.
Archie grins, sighs, and starts out. Petulia will do
anything to hold him one second more.
PETULIA
Hey,, you.
Archie turns at the door.
PETULIA
Don't have any illusions about all those
groceries. I can't cook.
ARCHIE
And you hate loganberry Jam.
PETULIA
No, as a matter of fact, I rather like it.
He smiles, continues out.
46 EXT. CORRIDOR & STEPS OUTSIDE ARCHIE'S APT.
He has barely gone ten steps when he is stopped by a
whistle. He turns. Her head is popped out the door (or
window). Anything to hold him, anything.
PETULIA
If somebody calls and wants medical advice on
something really obscure, is it okay if I
wing it on my own?
He makes an amused "you nuts" gesture and leaves, but
not before Petulia says:
PETULIA
Phone.
He is gone.
47 EXT. A WHARF ON SAN FRANCISCO BAY
• A cruise boat that takes tourists across the bay is ready
to go.
0 47 CONTINUED
Mike and Steven, Archie's sons, are anxiously waiting for
their father to join them. Archie is in a phone booth
next to the ramp that leads to the boat. The boys are
yelling to Dad to come ono
ARCHIE
(into phone)
Hi,
(to boys)
Shut up, you guys,
PETULIA'S VOICE
Hi. What's all the noise?
ARCHIE
Mike.
PETULIA
Fat Mike?
ARCHIE
He's not all that fat.
During this series of dumb, ordinary telephone conversa-
�
tions to follow,, we begin seeing the moments which have
brought on Petulia's current crisis with Oliver.
48 INT. BULL RING TIJUANA
It's a hot summer afternoon. Petulia and David have
driven down from San Francisco. They are members of the
"San Francisco Matador Club". David has drunk too much
wine from his bota bag and the sour wine and the hot sun
have made him violently ill. Though there are still two
bulls left to kill, David and Petulia are leaving. As she
moves down the spindly stairway, Petulia becomes aware of
Oliver. He is with a gang of other kids at the butcher
shed where the previous bulls are being dressed for market.
They are all soaking banderillos in blood so they can be
sold as "the real thing" .
49 EXT. A STREET IN TIJUANA
Petulia and David in their convertible. David has passed
out in the back seat and Petulia is having a hell of a
time trying to move the car out of the parking space.
Again kids swarm about her like wild animals, trying to
sell hats, cushions, gum, pottery, etc. Again she sees
Oliver among them (or is it another kid who looks like
0 Oliver?) ,
50
40 50 EXT. BORDER GATE AT TIJUANA LATE AFTERNOON
Thousands of cars are waiting to get through. Hot, noisy,
dusty, unbearable. Kids storm every car, hustling their
captured audience. Among them is Oliver. Have the others
been Oliver? In Petulia's exhaustion and discomfort, the
heat, the flies, the blaring horny she can't be sure.
(NOTE, All through the Tijuana scenes, we HEAR Archie
and Petulia's telephone conversation. It is utterly banal
and they know it and are amused by its banality.)
PETULIA: I was dozing.
ARCHIE: That's good.
PETULIA: You left without having breakfast.
ARCHIE: I had a cup of coffee on the way.
PETULIA: A cup of coffee. You should have had
eggs or waffles.
ARCHIE: I'm fine.
PETULIA: Me too.
PAUSE
PETULIA: I had a tall glass of pineapple juice.
ARCHIE: Make some toast, too. And milk.
Breakfast is a very important meal.
PETULIA: I wish you'd remember that.
ARCHIE: Well, goodbye.
0 PETULIA: Archie?
ARCHIE: Yes?
PETULIA: You won't forget to phone.
51 EXT. WHARF
Archie hangs up the phone and starts running with his sons
toward the boat. He is very pleased with his absolutely
nothing phone conversation.
52 EXT. BOAT DECK
Children run scurrying around the mildly crowded deck.
The boat is passing Alcatraz Island. Archie and the boys
are standing at the rail,
ARCHIE
They used to think that escape from that
prison was impossible.
52A EXT. BOAT DECK
Same scene, different Sunday. Warren and the boys are
standing at the rail.
WARREN
They used to think that escape from that
prison was impossible.
52B BACK TO SCENE 52
We resume with Archie and the boys.
SI
52B Continued
MIKE
Yes, Dad. Warren told us that last week.
ARCHIE
Warren. Well, we could have gone somewhere
else. I didn't know you had been.
STEVIE
(the youngest)
We thought maybe you had never been, Dad.
ARCHIE
No - well, thanks, actually I haven't
been before, Stevie.
MIKE
In fact, we don't call him Stevie anymore.
ARCHIE
Who doesn't?
MIKE
Mom thinks he's getting a little old for
being called Stevie, in fact.
�
ARCHIE
I called you Stevie two weeks ago -e we were all
calling you Stevie two weeks ago -- I was.
STEVIE
Before that.
MIKE
Warren says that Alcatraz taught the world you
can get out of anything if you want to bad
enough.
ARCHIE
That's what Warren said, eh?
MIKE
Yes, Dad.
53 ANOTHER VIEW OF THE BOAT
The boys are watching Archie who is in that section of the
boat where the radar and electronic equipment are kept.
Archie is on the ship telephone. He is trying to keep
a straight face but since he is obviously talking to Petulia,
it is difficult.
• MIKE :
(to another kid)
Doctors can do things like that. Call
their patients from wherever they are.
Archie finishes the call and returns to them, smiling.
52
53 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
How about clams on the wharf when we get back?
MIKE
Clams make Steve vomit.
ARCHIE
Oh.
MIKE
You forgot that.
ARCHIE
No, it just slipped my mind.
Archie really does like his kids but his thoughts are
somewhere else.
54 INT. A FISH PLACE ON THE WHARF
While Mike and Stevie are gorging themselves, Archie
is at the wall telephone.
ARCHIE
• Hello there.
LATE AFTERNOON
55 EXT. THE BORDER GATE AT TIJUANA
During this silent scene we watch Oliver seduce Petulia
into giving him a lift in her convertible. Petulia is
so bored as the cars take hours to get past the gate,
Oliver is an absolute scoundrel. David is such a clod,
passing out in the back seat, his legs hanging out over
the door of the car, one sandal missing. His beautiful
face is somehow an obscene parody of itself, fiery
red from the sun.
Oliver mimics David, Petulia, the guard at the gate,
dances, skips, romps, annoys Petulia, makes her laugh,
dares her, goads her. Finally, when Petulia's car is
just one away from the border guard, Oliver impudently
hops into the seat beside her, expecting to be thrown
out but also expecting maybe a nickel in the bargain.
But the joke's on Oliver. Petulia is even kookier than
he is. Is it the look of David that sickens her? Is
it her annoyance at having to wait so long and do the
driving while he lies collapsed and useless? Is it
that "useless" that goads her?
53
55 CONTINUED
Most of all Petulia is doing something of absolutely no
importance; she knows Oliver will hop out of the car the
moment they reach the guard. All it amounts to is two
kooks having a few seconds of horsing around.
The joke is on both of them -- the guard, harassed by
the honking of thousands of cars and having fully
inspected the car just ahead of Petulia, waves the
convertible on through.
Petulia stops the car a few hundred yards past the
border to let Oliver climb out, but he just sits there.
Petulia thinks, "okay, you little bastard . " and
zooms down the highway, intending to stop at the first
moment the look of superior arrogance leaves Oliver's
tough little face.
During this we hear Archie and Petulia's second tele-
phone conversation which is as blab and loving as before.
ARCHIE: Hi, there.
PETULIA: Hello.
ARCHIE: I'm having lunch with the boys.
PETULIA: You eat a good lunch, Archie,
ARCHIE: I will, I will.
PETULIA: You only had a cup of coffee for breakfast.
ARCHIE: I'll eat a good lunch, Petulia.
PETULIA: Like what?
ARCHIE: Petulia, they have a thousand different
things on the menu.
PETULIA: You should have a sirloin steak with french
fries or baked beans.
ARCHIE: Okay.
PETULIA: That's easy to say, Archie, But I know you.
ARCHIE: Steak with french fries or baked beans.
PETULIA: Do they have fresh sea-food?
ARCHIE: Yes.
PETULIA: Sea bass is nice.
ARCHIE: Yes, sea bass is great.
PETULIA: If they grill it,
ARCHIE: I'll have grilled sea bass.
PETULIA: Unless they do a nice omelet.
ARCHIE: I'm sure they would if I asked.
PETULIA: It's such a problem.
ARCHIE: Yes, I know. Goodbye, Petulia.
PETULIA: Phone.
56 INT. FISH PLACE
Archie laughingly hangs up. He goes back to his kids.
54
0 57 EXT. FORT WINFIELD SCOTT DAY
The sign says all the dreadful penalty of being caught
in the fort. Archie takes the boys in.
ARCHIE
Warren take you here?
MIKE
No.
ARCHIE
He would see the sign, eh? See
57A INT. FORT ROUND THE GALLERIES
The boys whoop off up some stairs.
STEVIE
Hey, this is great.
Archie chases them through the floors.
Archie sees a telephone above which is a sign which
says that this phone is for the military and is to be
used only in emergency. Archie approaches it warily,
then loses his nerve and turns back to his kids.
Archie wants to get back to Petulia.
58 EXT. FORT BARRACK FLOORS DAY
ARCHIE
Alright?
The boys look at him uncertainly.
ARCHIE
(CONTINUING)
Its ten to two. Can you imagine that?
The time really went
The boys know that means he wants to take them home.
ARCHIE
(CONTINUING)
I'm really bushed.
MIKE
(COLDLY)
I feel okay.
Stevie is willing to let his dad off the hook.
STEVIE
I been sneezing.
55
58 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
So I noticed.
MIKE
He's always sneezing.
ARC HIE
Hey, next week I want you guys over for the
entire weekend. None of this three or four
hour stuff.
STEVIE
All weekend?
ARCHIE
Why not?
MIKE
To do what?
ARCHIE
You 'gust wait!
Stevie is instantly excited,
• STEVIE
Something really interesting?
ARCHIE
Bet your life'.
MIKE
What?
ARCHIE
Just leave it to melt
MIKE
Warren said something about the Roller Derby.
ARCHIE
Oh.
STEVIE
Friday night till late Sunday?
ARCHIE
Unless you guys don't want to.
MIKE
The Roller Derby's pretty darn interesting.
ARCHIE
Yeah.
56
58 CONTINUED
MIKE
We'd have to sleep over. I mean if we were
going to spend the whole weekend.
ARCHIE
I want you to.
MIKE
(SUDDENLY)
Well, it's fine by me.
STEVIE
Me toot Boy l
ARCHIE
Okay, it's a dealt
Mike turns away.
STEVIE
He's going to cry I guess -- he does that.
59 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY DAY
Archie has had a pretty good day with the boys, is thinking
• about Petulia waiting in his apartment, and feels pretty
damn good about the whole thing. He opens the door of
his apartment. He is carrying a bag of Mexican paper flowers
60 INT. APARTMENT
It is empty. Archie knows at once that Petulia is gone.
All the joy goes out of him. The apartment is a mess.
The television set is on: a program without sound of
soldiers fighting. Archie is so disappointed that
Petulia isn't here. He angrily flips the dial getting
the same type of program.
ARCHIE
A nice, neat kid.
After all the exuberance he feels so empty. Everywhere
things are scattered about.
61 INT. BEDROOM
The bedroom is the worst of all. The sheets and blanket
have literally been stripped from the bed and flung pall
mall onto the floor behind. Archie really is annoyed.
Then he stops, he crosses slowly to the tangle of sheets
and blanket on the floor. A lifeless arm protrudes.
Archie crumples to his knees and tears at the blankets.
Petulia is broken, bloodied and seemingly dead.
57
61 CONTINUED
Th�-, phone is off the hook. Archie doesn't know where to
turn first. He feels Petulia's throat for a pulse, isn't
sure she has one,
Petulia is wearing his hooded sweatshirt from Se. 23.
Archie attempts heart massage, but Petuliats so taped up
from the broken rib that this is impossible.
Archie presses his mouth over Petulia's to attempt to get
her breathing again. He tries this only for an instant
then crosses to the phone, hangs it up and dials an
emergency number.
Archie goes back to Petulia. He feels again for a pulse
in her throat, can find no pulse. He begins trembling.
As always when a crisis really happens, it isn't as easy
as the Red Cross advertisements say. Her mouth won't
open right. His mouth seems unable to make the connection
with hers. It all looks more like very bad love-making
than a life-saving procedure.
62 INT./EXT. HALLWAY & STEPS OUTSIDE ARCH IE' S APARTMENT
Two special officers are moving Petulia down a hallway on
0
a stretcher. A third walks behind her pressing a rubber
oxygen mask over her mouth.
We feel Sunday late afternoon rudely shattered, but limp-
ing along nevertheless. Television, cokes, sex, stereo,
facials, isometric exercises. funny-papers, ailments;
boring endless Sunday late afternoon -- suddenly bloodied.
Doors are opening up and down the hallway. People come
out to stare. A big friendly old sheepdog wild with
enthusiasm, leaps at the stretcher and almost topples
Petulia. Archie, smeared with Petulia's blood, his
shirt-tails out, in a state of shock himself, whams the
dog as hard as he can. This entire sequence should
seem like a nightmare.
The dog's owner goes berserk.
DOG'S OWNER
Don't you hit Lennie!
Archie is too distressed about Petulia to even respond.
At every door there is a tenant. A jumble of voices all
spoken together.
1ST TENANT
0 That's sex for you.
2ND TENANT
It could be a gas leak.
58
62 CONTINUED
0 3RD TENANT
She's dead.
4TH TENANT
Those rescue cops never give up.
5TH TENANT
Yes'. but they're all racists.
Of course, one of the officers is a Korean and the other
a Negro. All through this we have also been aware of many
T.V. sets, all with programs with various kinds of violence.
One youbgster comes to the door holding a portable T.V. and
we see on the tube war casualties being flown out of the
Jungle by helicopters.
Archie has crossed ahead of the special officers to lead
the way down the steps. Half a dozen "hippies"' loaded
down with Chinese food and a yellow guitar are coming up
the steps. Everything is chaos.
The officers just can't manage the stretcher down the
narrow stairway. Poor Petulia is twisted and turned every
which way - all in the name of saving her life.
7TH TENANT
�
(a rich old queen in
purple Bermuda shorts)
I had trouble like that with my piano. Two
hundred dollars to bring it through the window.
And its never been the same.
A record player is playing a Herb Alpert recording and
the stretcher seems to move along to its rhythm.
63 EXT. A HIGHWAY RESTAURANT NIGHT
This is the stretch of highway 1 - 01 going north from.Mexico.
The restaurant is a mass of neon, and does very well in,the
hot coffee department as the sleepy travellers take a
break on their way north.
Among the cars many are filled with bull fight
afficianados.
It's about ten p.m. There is a general feeling of
exhaustion and spent passions. People are bleary-eyed,
recovering from hangovers, beginning to feel the effects
of sunburns. All this we see later. First we see Oliver.
Oliver is sitting in the car staring coldly at David who
0 has just awakened. David is probably just about to say
"Who the hell are you" when Petulia appears carrying a
cardboard carton of coffee and orange juice.
59
63 CONTINUED
David takes a sip of coffee. Oliver grabs at the orange
juice, toppling it, spilling some of it on the seat but
saving most. He gulps it down then uses the straw to
make bubbles. David looks at Oliver and then at
Petulia, all through the bubbles.
PETULIA
Say hello to "Petulia"s Folly."
David says nothing.
DAVID
Oh?
PET ULIA
(with careful wit)
If, in the past, you thought me a bit odd,
feast your eyes on this little goodie.
DAVID
What°s the problem?
PETULIA
(to Oliver)
Why can't you speak English?
(to David)
Why the hell don't they teach them English?
This little hustler picked me up in Tijuana --
DAVID
(to Oliver, very gently)
What's your name?
PETULIA
I've got a name for him!
Oliver doesn't understand what is being said, but he is
getting uneasy.
O LIVER
Lady say "hey come on us go San Francisco
ten bucks."
PET UL IA
You bleeding little liar!
Oliver looks at Petulia innocently.
PETULIA
(CONTINUING)
I never did!
She's worried about David.
60
0 63 CONTINUED
PETULIA
What I said to this malicious little fink was
that maybe one day if we went back to Tijuana --
DAVIT?
(to Oliver)
San Francisco?
OLIVER
San Francisco.
Each says it in his own accent, and so begins a word game.
DAVID
(GIGGLING)
San Francisco.
OLIVER
{ GIGGLING)
San Francisco.
DAVID
Okay. "San Francisco."
0 He pronounces it like Oliver.
PET ULIA
DAVID
David doesn't answer her.
DAVID
(to Oliver)
What's your name?
(in bad Spanish)
What are you called?
OLIVER
(pronouncing it Spanish)
Oliver.
DAVID
(pronouncing it English)
Oliver.
OLIVER
(pronouncing it Spanish)
Oliver.
They begin laughing again. Petulia is becoming
t.
completely unnerved.
61
0 63 CONTINUED
PETULIA
David. The San Diego bus is due at twelve
fifteen. I've already bought him a ticket.
DAVID
We've got to get this on tape. He's really
something else'. I get a real kick out of him!
(imitating Oliver)
"San Francisco." Unless he's a midget. Hey,
sure! Oliver is a sixty-three-year-old midgets
Oliver grins, not understanding but feeling he has an
ally.
DAVID
(to Petulia)
Get in. It's still a long drive. We'll
never get home.
PETULIA
Okay. He can wait inside. The cashier's a
sweet old dear. I'll have him keep an eye on
the ckeeky little bugger!
0 She opens the car door to take Oliver out, tense,
wanting to get past this moment but fearful that she won't.
DAVID
You promised "Oliver" "San Francisco."
PETULIA
I did not.
DAVID
Like hell you didn't'.
David abruptly hops over the seat and sits behind the
wheel. He signals for Petulia to get in beside Oliver.
Petulia hesitates.
DAVID
I dig, bitch, I dig!
She's stunned. His hand reaches out and brutally jerks
her into the car.
DAVID
I dig.
CAMERA HOLDS on Petulia's frightened face. Now suddenly
0 the face has a tube in the nose; there's another tube in
her throat; and she's unconscious.
62
0 6L!. INT. EMERGENCY ROOM HOSPITAL
Half a dozen people are working to keep Petulia alive.
They're used to their work, it's no big deal for them.
Actually the feeling should be that they're as relaxed
as if they were mechanics working on a motor car.
Archie sits on a white stool in a corner, watching
everything, not as a doctor any more but as a"deeply
involved man. When one of the doctors hits a vein by
mistake and murmurs "Whoops ." Archie can take no
more and leaves.
65 INT. DOCTORS' SHOWER ROOM
Archie sits on a little stone shelf, just letting the
water from the shower hit him.
BARNEY'S VOICE
Hey you.
Barney is looking over the shower door at Archie with a
mixture of concern and anger.
BARNEY
(shouting over sound of shower)
0 Did you know there's a policeman outside
wanting to talk to you?
Archie nods dully.
BARNEY
What the hell is going on?
Archie nods dully.
BARNEY
Can you have dinner with us tonight?
Archie nods dully.
66 INT. BARNEY' S DEN (LATE AFTERNOON)
Barney is working the film projector showing slides of a
recent holiday with Wilma and their daughter. Each
slide projects an enormous colored image against an
entire wall. Archie is slumped on a couch popping
peanuts into his mouth.
BARNS Y
You like this new lens, Archie? Is
this the greatest lens you ever saw?
0
63
66 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
Mrnmmmm?
BARNEY:
(ANNOYED)
What am I supposed to do -- spend
the money on belly dancers?i
Wilma enters from another room. She's exhausted,
.WI LMA
(to Barney)
Ask me what your daughter put in her
steam inhalator,
BARNEY
I don't want to know,
WILMA
Ask.me, Cottage cheese,
BARNEY
Actually I'm relieved,
0
WILMA
(to Archie)
I'm afraid she's madly in love with
your Stevie,
ARCHIE
(ABSENTLY
Steven.
Wilma looks at the pictures on the wall,
WILMA
Wasn't that a gorgeous week! I just
adore Big Sur!
BARNEY
It rained every day. You kept
insisting you were pregnant,
WILMA
(to Archie)
You must take Polo and the boys --
She stops embarrassed,
�
BARNEY
Wilma-The-Magic-Talking-Machine. Put
a dime in and she talks all night.
64
66 CONTINUED
0 WILMA
I'm sorry Archie.
ARCHIE
Forget it.
WILMA
(she might cry)
I just can't think of you without
thinking of Polo.
Archie nods.
BARNEY
(REMINISCING)
Had to drive
Made me run a frog test on her.
forty miles in the rain. Almost hit a truck.
Could have been dead and buried three years.
Through this Barney keeps changing slides. Suddenly there
is a picture of Archie, Polo and Wilma on another vacation.
In this slide they are posing in corny T-shirts. The
T-shirts say, "Kiss me you fool" and "I love the
Rolling Stones"., etc.
BARNEY
�
Oh, hey, I'm sorry.
Wilma looks very superior.
WILMA
I'll bet he's sorry.
BARNEY
There's nothing wrong with a little
old-fashioned nostalgia.
WI LMA
Do you remember that crazy Labour Day
weekend we drove to Tahoe?
BARNEY
(too quickly)
I've got them right her
Archie frowns at Wilma and Barney. But they are clumsy
and obvious, and he is somewhat touched.
BARNEY
I keep everything. They just happen to be
here. What do you think this is, a conspiracy?
E
6;
E
66 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
Yes,
Really they are all good friends, and they laugh good-
naturedly,
WILMA
Let's see them Archie.
Barney starts showing different slides of the Tahoe vacation.
Archie watches scratching his ear, and eating peanuts.
Wilma looks like the tears are about to start,
C.S. A child cries "Mommy!"
WILMA
(to Barney)
You go this time.
Barney goes, leaving the slide still showing on the wall.
Wilma looks at Archie for a long moment.
ARCHIE
(SHRUGGING)
• Wilma what do you want me to say?
They were great old times,
WILMA
Archie what's happening to you?
ARCHIE
Nothing.
WILMA
Dontt say nothing -- the policeman
even called here!
ARCHIE
Itm sorry.
WILMA
I've had a splitting earache all day.
Friends have certain rights, even the
right to be obnoxious. Do you love
this woman?
Archie shrugs.
WILMA
i Well you must feel something.
ARCHIE
Yeah I guess so. Pity.
66
66 CONTINUED
0 W I LMA
Pity. Go to the dog pound. You'll find two
hundred dogs ready to be gassed.
Policemen.
Then Wilma sighs.
WI LMA
Shall I tell you something? I wish I
had your guts.
67 INT. INTENSE CARE UNIT DAWN
Archie is in Petulia's little cubicle slumped on a
chair, sound asleep. Petulia lies on the bed, tubes
protruding from arms and neck. She is still unconscious.
Archie is awakened by a nun entering the cubicle to
hook up another pint of blood. Archie's presence
disconcerts the nun. She can't show her annoyance
openly, but is so disturbed she does her work badly
this time.
NUN
Who would do such a thing to a girl like
this? She's a child. Is there an
orthopaedic problem, Dr. Bollen?
0
Archie doesn't answer.
NUN
A. doctor should get his sleep.
ARCHIE
You left the needle in.
The nun would like to scream at Archie about the
impropriety of his presence here but she can't.
She is proud of the bottle of blood.
NUN
From the Archbishop's Fund.
ARCHIE
Take the needle out.
67
67 CONTINUED
0 NUN
All races and creeds. Why hasn't her
husband been notified?
ARCHIE
I suppose they've tried.
NUN
It would be such a nice surprise to have his
picture here when she finally awakens.
Wouldn't that be nice?
ARCHIE
Yes,
NUN
It would give her some small comfort,
ARCHIE
I would put a bit more tape around the needle,
NUN
I mentioned her this morning in the chapel.
I mention all my criticals.
• ARCHIE
In the future be more careful of the needle.
NUN
She hardly makes a bump under the sheets.
She leaves. Archie moves closer to Petulia examining
her throat and eyes for vital signs. He pushes open an
eyelid and Petulia's dead eye stares glassily into his
living face.
68 INT. HOSPITAL DAY
We spend awhile watching Archie function as a doctor,
moving through the wards, examining broken legs, arms,
or whatever. In one of these scenes we pass through
the orthopaedic room.
69 INT. ORTHOPAEDIC ROOM
Oliver is being given therapy in a whirling bath. He's
only one of some twenty patients and Archie barely
notices him, simply waving to him as he does to other
patients who don't need his care anymore. Oliver is
too frightened of the whirling bath to give a damn
about the doctor. Archie goes and we stay with Oliver.
0
68
69 CONTINUED
OLIVER'S ATTENDANT
Come on, come on, get on with it.
70 INT. A SMALL BEDROOM IN THE DANNER HOUSE
JUST BEFORE DAWN
Three weeks ago. Oliver is wide awake, wolfing down a
loaf.of bread that he has stolen from the Danner kitchen.
As he gnaws on the bread, he listens to indistinct
sounds from the master bedroom. moans and groans,
a sudden cry, all of which he supposes are the sounds
of love-making. He grins to himself in the dark.
Abruptly a door opens and Petulia is coming down the
hall. She has hastily put on a pair of slacks and a
blouse, and is struggling into a coat. Her hair is
tousled, her face filled with anguish.
71 INT. STAIRWAY DANNER HOUSE
Petulia is hurriedly taking the hurriedly dressed
Oliver down the steps. He is protesting. Before they
can reach the front door, the door of the master
bedroom opens. David is standing there in his
pyjama pants.
DAVID
Hey, "San Francisco"!
He pronounces it like Oliver does. He comes down
the steps, three at a time. He stops before the kid.
DAVID
(GENTLY)
I sure hope there's no hard feelings.
Oliver understands none of this, and of course David
knows this, but it doesn't stop him.
DAVID
It isn't a question of hospitality, I
want you to understand that. I feel
terrible. Dragging you all the way
up to San Francisco and then not even
showing you Fisherman's Wharf.
Comprehend.?
Petulia goes into the living room to find the keys
to the car.
DA VID
0 Hold it a minute!
69
0 71A INT. DANNER HOUSE LIVING ROOM DAWN
DAVID
(to Oliver)
What's the rushy Whereas the fire!
He stoops down beside the boy and shows him a
wrist watch.
DAVID
You've go to have some little memento.
Right?
PETUL IA
David, for God's sakes
The wrist watch is much too big for Oliver's skinny
wrist so David starts to fasten it around Oliver's
biceps. Even this is too skinny so David starts
fastening it around Oliver's lower leg. Oliver
has no idea what is happening, but his hustler's
heart tells him he is being given something very
valuable. Petulia is repelled.
DAVID
(to Oliver)
You see the basic problem is we just don't
have the room for all the folks my old
lady invites for a visit. Were kinda
short of room. I'd give you the shirt off
my back. I'm West-Texas and proud of it.
But start loading up the house with
make-believe kids, plus every Tom, Dick
and Harry whose one and only claim to
fame is that he knows how to do "it" --
72 EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAWN
Petulia begins sobbing, and trying to tug the boy
toward the lift.
DAVID
Hands off!
The watch won't fasten to the leg either. David
tries to fit it around the boy's neck. David begins
to cry.
S
70
72 CONTINUED
DA V1'D
It won't fit any place.
Petulia somehow gets Oliver into the lift and pushes the
button. which starts it moving upward.
DAVID
(calling up)
I don't want any hard feelings' It
was nothing personals Hey, we'll look
you up sometime; When we're down that
way., Have a real old-fashioned fiesta;
We'll have a ball; "Oliver?"
During the preceding speech we CUT to Petulia and Oliver,
Oliver, infuriated at Petulia, defiantly shows her that he
has David's watch in his fist.
OL I VER
He give me!
Petulia stares out toward the sea. Davis is still screaming
atl.them, and his voice sounds so unlikely in all the splendor
of morning coming to San Francisco.
0
73 INT, HOSPITAL'S UNDERGROUND GARAGE DAY
Archie is maneuvering his car out of his parking space when
he sees the nun of the Intense Care Unit cross to another
car driven by another nuns There are many cars with many
nuns zooming around,
ARCHIE
How's your patient?
NUN
Oh, Mrs. Danner.
ARCHIE
Mrs. Danner. How's Mrs. Danner?
NUN
She woke up awhile ago.
ARCHIE
She woke up?
NUN
Should .I have called you`d
0
Archie starts out of the car.
71
73 CONTINUED
?N
She's asleep now. I'm, to buy her blue
Cornflowers and a hairbrush. Sister
Teresa phoned the police. Prayers help,
Dr. Bollena She asked for Mr. Danner.
I hope there's no orthopedic problem.
But really she's not all that bad, this nun, mostly she
believes that the sanctity of marriage happens to be true.
She is not unmoved by the look of exhaustion on Archie's
face.
NUN
Blue Cornflowers.
They exchange a smile.
NUN
I'm'also to go all the way across town
and deliver a message to the Mendoza
family, I'm to tell them everything
is okay. And give them this.
ARCHIE
Let me.
�
He takes the envelope on which the address has been written.
7. EXT. MENDOZA HOUSE DAY
This is the house in which Oliver is boarding. Now, as
Archie drives up, there is no sign of anybody. Archie
crosses to the door, puzzled. He knocks on the door but
there is no answer. He goes around to the back. There's
an old car without wheels, butane tanks, other junk but no
sign of life. Archie knocks on the back door and finally
the door is opened. Beyond the screen door is the Mexican
we have seen earlier. He has been awakened from sleep and
is annoyed.
ARCHIE
Mr. Mendoza?
Mendoza yawns sleepily.
ARCHIE
I'm Dr. Bollen. Do you know Mrs.
Danner? Petulia Danner?
MENDOZA
�
No hablo ingles. Lo siento.
72
74. Continued
ARCHIE
Petulia Danner. She gave me this
address,
The Mexican shakes his head in complete indifference, is
already thinking about going back to sleep, and starts
closing the door,
ARCHIE
She was beaten. Almost to death. Are
you Mr. Mendoza?
MEXICAN
"Mendoza," si,
ARCHIE
(giving envelope)
This is for you,
MEXICAN
Gracia.
He starts to open the envelope. It contains a twenty dollar
bill,
ARCHIE
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Mendoza, with no idea what Archie is saying, starts closing
the door and pocketing the money.
ARCHIE
HEYP
He pounds on the door. The door opens. The Mexican says in
SPANISH:
MEXICAN
(in Spanish)
I work all night. Go away.
He closes the door. Archie pounds on the door again.
He hurts his hand. He sucks on the slight wound. He kicks
at the door. He crosses around to the front of the house,
A negro and a white teenager are passing.
ARCHIE
Do either of you fellows speak Spanish?
a NEGRO TEENAGER
I speak a lot of Polish, if it would be
any help, sir.
73
• 74 Continued
ARCHIE
I've got to talk with this man in here.
A woman was almost beaten to death.
TEENAGER
Here?
ARCHIE
Not here.
TEENAGER
You said here,
NEGRO
Almost, but not quite to death, sir?
ARCHIE
Yes.
TEENAGER
Here but not quite here?
ARCHIE
Listen, just find a cop, huh;
• NEGRO TEENAGER
He'd better speak Polish, sir. I'm on
a fantastic Polish kick.
The two chase each other down the street yelling "Da:" and
"Paderewskii" and even "Yawohl;", etc,
Archie looks at the house and then at his car and then at his
bruised hand. He's furious„ A police car passes'. Archie
looks, but somehow can't bring himself to hail it. He
wonders why he let the police car pass. He goes back to his
car,
75 INTO INTENSIVE CARE UNIT DAY
Archie moves swiftly to the screened cubicle that held
Petulia. He goes inside. He stops short. An old man lies
in the bed with a rubber stop in his mouth to keep him from
swallowing his tongue until he regains consciousness. His
false teeth lie on the table beside him. Archie is plunged
deeper into the sense of the unreal.
76 INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM
Petulia is in a two-bedded room. She has blue Cornflowers
and a hairbrush. She is conscious now but looks quite wan.
I
In the next bed is a middle-aged lady looking at T.V.
Petulia sees Archie.
7.
• 76 Continued
PETULIA
Why weren't you there when I woke up?
You better not say you were when the
bill comes, Dr. Bollen.
ARCHIE
Who is this guy, Mendoza? Why am I
always finding you in a different bed?
What are you?
PETULIA
Avery sick girl.
ARCHIE
Who beat you up?
PETULIA
What happened to your hand?
ARCHIE
Nothing happened to my hand.
PETULIA
I love your hands. I want plaster of
paris molds for bookcases. Bookends.
�
ARCHIE
Did David beat you up? Was it Mendoza?
Why did you send him money?
PETULIA
I'm still very sick.
ARCHIE
I don't care.
OTHER PATIENT
This man is a doctor?
PETULIA
The world's best, madame
The patient turns her back on the two of them.
ARCHIE
Petulia,you're turning me into a nut.
Why hasn't David been here?
PETULIA
Ask me questions.
�
ARCHIE
Petulia, is it possible for you to
tell the truth about anything?
REIPULIA
(DROWSILY)
so Mendoza was looking after Oliver
for nae She" s our cleaning lady s
SISTER
ARCHIE
There was no Mrs o Mendoza Z
PETULIA
' drowsily)
I had to have some place for him to
stay,, David would never have let e
bring him home
ARCHIE
Bring who home?
PETT LIA
Iqm beginning to hurt.
ARCHIE
Petuliag I don't understand the kind
of world you live ina Come on. For
Ghri.st$s sake, a
pretty young gi.rl9
what the hell is going on, who would
lay a hand on you, how could you get
so screwed up?
Through this Petulia simply lies there, just looking a
Archie.
ARCHIE
I cans t stand it.
PETULIA
Irm asleep. They gave me a pill.and
I' asleep,, Really0 I am really very
sleepy,, Can we talk later, Archie?
When ivm asleep kiss my forehead.
She closes her eyes and sleeps. Archie gives her fore-
head a kiss and she giggles. He leaves.
CHANGE
4/26/67
75AA
77 INTO ARCHIEBS APARTMENT NIGHT.
Furniture Is pushed back and three pup tents circle the
center of the room. Archie and his sons have been having
a camp-in. They are all dressed in jeans and sweat shirts
and Stevie even wears moccasins - as though they were in
the:High Sierras. The remainders of T.V. dinners are
scattered around plus. Coke bottles plus their bed rolls
from last night. Actually though it :rust: have sounded.
like a great idea the two bogs are very bored, Archie,,:
though trying to be "with-it' is far away,, and they sense
it.
STEVIE.
Shouldn't we police the area?
ARCHIE
Good idea. Police the area.
MIKE
This is keen, Dad. Water canteens and
everything.
STEVIE
I'm out of water.
76
77 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
Always make sure you've got water.
You'll find some in the kitchen. What's
on T.V.?
STEVIE
I''m hot. In fact.
ARCHIE
Switch the fire off then.
Stevie goes to switch the electric fireplace off.
MIKE
It's really keen, Dad.
The bell rings and Polo is standing there, She looks around,
smiling.
POLO
I' don't believe it.
STEVIE
Even canteens, Mom.
0 Polo really only has eyes for Archie. She is troubled by
how haggard and worn he looks.
POLO
Roller Derby starts at eight.
STEVIE
We have to police the area.
MIKE
It's really been keen, Mom. Nobody
ever heard of a. camp-in.
The two boys now busy themselves with straightening out the
place as Polo crosses to-Archie,
ARCHIE
It's been really keen, Mom.
POLO
Poor Archie.
ARCHIE
Not "dumb" Archie?
0
77
77 CONTINUED
POLO
Never. The brightest. I used to have
such terrible anxiety that I would die
suddenly. Before I could say thank you,
Archie is very touched.
STEVIE
I have to go to. the latrine.
Stevie goes.
MIKE
Is Dad allowed to come to the Roller
Derby? I mean since Uncle Warren
couldn't?
He is so bad at matchmaking that Polo and Archie can hardly
keep a straight face.
78 INT. ROLLER DERBY
The place is almost empty, but the, fans are wildly
enthusiastic and are placed to look ;like thousands for the
T.V. camera. The women's team is on the rink, skating,
0 banging into each other with great good-natured brutality,
One of the skaters bucks another clear off the rink, smashing
through the rail.
The kids are in heaven, but Polo is so shocked she instinc-
tively turns-to Archie and buries her face in his shoulder.
Out of habit, he lets her, even touching the back of her'
head' comfortingly, assuring her no fatality has occurred.
Mike, the ace matchmaker, watches them with satisfaction.
MIKE
(SCREAMING)
Don't let'that old fat butt get awa
with tat;
POLO
(SHOCKED)
MICHAELE
MIKE
FAT BUTT;
POLO
(to Archie)
Will you please tell.your son --
0
78
78 CONTINUED
0
She turns to 4rchie and sees him watching the fighting
intently.
The women are really brutal with each other. One small
blonde lady is being, pummelled unmercifully by several
others. As her head twists and turns from the forest of
fists she seems to become Petulia.
STEVIE
I want to go home.
M IKE
They don't mean it.
STEVIE
I want some popcorn.
ARCHIE
I'll get it.
He rises quickly and moves to the refreshment counter behind
the grandstand.
Archie finds a telephone booth. Polo watches him at the
• phone booth.
Her eyes lose their warmth.
The women's team races around the track. Archie returns with
a box of Cracker Jacks.
STEVIE
I said popcorn.
POLO
(COLDLY)
How is she? Dead I hope?
Archie is stunned at Polo's abrupt coldness.
ARCHIE
You don't even know her.
POLO
(COLDLY)
I just have to look at you.
,Archie stops, remembering this is approximately what Petulia
had said about Polo. He does a "how odd:" without saying it.
79
78 CONTINUED
ARCHIE
She's not going to die.
POLO
What a shame.
ARCHIE
She has her first visitor. Mr. Danner.
Polo couldn't care less. Five skaters smash into each other
on the rink but Polo doesn't flinch. She wouldn't think of
turning to Archie for comfort.
ARCHIE
"His Mastahs in'Hydraul:ics."
They sit coldly wit4 their children, a million miles apart.
79 INT. PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM NIGHT
The Mr. Danner who is with Petulia is David's father.
Petulia lies in the bed staring straight ahead at an
enormous cotton giraffe, obviously a gift. The patient in
the next bed has three middle-aged girl friends visiting her.
They are playing bridge. Their presence frustrates Mr.
• Danner. The other patient's T.V. set is on, and on the tube"
we barely notice the continued violence of the outside world.
MR. DANNER
It's been a terrible shock to us...
to Mother and me,..Our sailor boy
and his pretty bride.
79A INT. FATHER DANNER'S LIVING ROOM
He stands at a great eye of a window. Mother Danner is
mournfully quartering apples for an apple pie.
MR. DANNER'S VOICE
As I told Mother, "the values we lived
by just don't seem to mean anything at
all anymore. Our kids can chuck out
two thousand years of Western civilization
..of Christianity...as though it wasn't
worth a red cent.'
80
0 79B INT. PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MR, DANNER
(CONTINUING)
I must say Mother's answer surprised
and, well, really sort of tickled me:
"It's easy to be an angel when you're
old and worn out and nobody wants you
anymore," You see we do try, Petulia.
I mean there you were in that man's
apartment. Where I come from ...in "little
pockets of ignorance" I suppose you'd call
it...you'll find people who still live by
the unwritten law.
790 INT. FATHER DANNER'S LIVING ROOM
MR. DANNER
There's still many a county courthouse
where the husband could kill both
parties and not spend one night in jail,
O.S. We hear SOUNDS of a bell ringing incessantly in short
bursts.
79D INT. PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM
0
The bell is still ringing signifying the end of visiting
hours and the other patient's visitors sigh, put the playing
cards together and prepare to leave. Mr. Danner makes no
move to leave,
MR. DANNER
In the hospital of my dreams people
won't be chased out like sheep. People
are better than most of the medicines
they give you. David has finally'got
around to repairing that wharf. He hired
a couple of boys. The three of them are
really working up a sweat. He's thinking
of sailing all the way down the coast to
Lima. That's in Peru.
All through this there's no response whatever from Petulia.
Her eyes are fixed on the eyes of the giraffe.
MR. DANNER
They say Lima is a terrific city. If
you watch out for flies and take sensible
sanitary precautions. I'll tell you a
secret but don't you snitch: I'm using
propaganda on David so that the four of
0 us can go. Mother's a better sailor than
I am. Even though I served eighteen
months on a mine sweeper. Which should
have prepared me for anything.
81
79D Continued
A nun looks in.
NUN
(BRIGHTLY)
Visiting hours are over.
MR. DANNER
(taking his turmoil
out on the nun)
I had lunch with your Mr. Pearl less
than two weeks ago;
The nun looks blank.
MR. DANNER
Mr. Pearl happens to be the superintendent
of this Hospital; Two weeks ago at the
Blue Fox Restaurants Just the six of usl
The nun shrugs and leaves. Mr. Danner is really trembling
now from his controlled emotion. Petulia will not take her
eyes from the giraffe. The patient in the next bed is
grumbling something about "what's sauce for the goose should
be' sauce for the gander", etc. Mr. Danner abruptly takes a
• small leather bound photograph from his pocket. It's the
wedding picture of Petulia and David. Without a word he puts
it on the night stand. Petulia will not look at it.
79E EXT. DAVID AND PETULIA DANNER HOUSE
The end of Sc. 72 is very quickly replayed.
80 EXT. BUS STATION DAWN
During Sc. 79E and 80 we continue to hear Mr. Danner:. Its
a tiny bus station and hardly anyone is around this time of
mo'rnin'g. Petulia waits with Oliver who is very annoyed at
what has been done to him. A few other early travelers are
about.- As the bus comes into sight, Oliver, grasping his last
chance of freedom, suddenly darts away. IN A SERIES OF
FLASHES we see Oliver; hit by a car; the look of agony on
Petuliaa's face; the reaction of the spectators; and finally
the ultimate image: the boy pinned under the wheel.
MR.. DANNER'S VOICE
(during preceding scene)
David and I went at it hot and heavy.
About the value of psychiatry. I mean
sensible psychiatry. None of that "Sex-
is-the-reason-for-everything" junk. It
E won't ever replace a visit to the wood-
shed and a good whack across the backside,
but its late in the old ball game for that.
82
81 JN 7-1 o PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM NIGHT
• The nun reappears.
NUN
I'm sorry Sir, but it's time for the
lady's medication.
MR. DANNER
Does anyone ever report how filthy
this room is?
He loses all his aplomb, He squats, he points, he finds
imaginary objects on the floor.
MR, DANNER
Look at this'. Look at this! I
personally raised fifty thousand
dollars for this Hospital during
the last campaign. You didn't
know that did you; Well ask Mr,
Pearl'. I mean if you knew what
he looked like'. Filthy'.
He gets up to go, The nun leaves, Mr. Danner brushes
imaginary dust from his knees. He's perspiring, dis-
hevelled, and still hasn°t said what he came to say.
He waits there a moment more, Finally in a flat voice
40
without even looking at him:
PETULIA
Tell David, it's alright. He can
come out of the cupboard.
The old man almost sobs. Instead he exclaims in a
jolly voice.
MR. DANNER
Chin up'.
81A ROLLER DERBY
This time we are with the T.V. CAMERAMAN, and we are
looking through his scanner. We see all the excited
people, but among them sit Archie and Polo, as cold as
death. Suddenly, on the scanner, we see Polo rise and
begin to leave tugging the two boys along with her,
Archie makes no move to stop them.
82 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR DAY
Archie wearing his white doctor's smock enters
Petulia's room.
83
83 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM
0
The'bed where the second patient lay is empty. In
Petulia's bed is the withered old man who earlier had
taken Petulia's place in the Intense Care Unit. He's
quite chipper now but is in many splints and braces.
OLD MAN
I'm not sick! Don't waste time on me!
Archie turns to face the nun in attendance.
ARCHIE
Where is she?
NUN
Mrs. Danner? They picked her up.
Dr. Worthington said it was alright
so long as she had proper nursing.
ARCHIE
Who picked her up.
NUN
Her husband I suppose.
ARCHIE
0
DANNER
NUN
They had a long talk with Dr. Worthington.
He seemed entirely satisfied.
ARCHIE
They kidnapped hero
He hurries down the hall. The'nun is startled.
OLD MAN
Take care of the sick people! I'm
in tip-top shape!
81E EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAY
Archie hops off the lift as it reaches the bottom of the
cliff. At the front of the house we see David and two
colored men at work on the wharf. At the wharf is the
yacht. Archie racies up to the nearest door and begins
ringing the bell.
85 INT. THE MASTER BEDROOM
Petulia couldn't be lovelier, or happier. She's in a
IS
special hospital bed. There are flowers everywhere. She
has her own colour T.V. set which is silently showing
scenes of violence. An efficient nurse is in attendance.
84
85 CONTINUED
0 The nurse is sitting at the foot of the bed, and Petulia
is brushing the nurse's hair.
Archie stands in the doorway overwhelmed at the normality
of it all. Obviously Petulia has fixed her hair too.
PETULIA
Hi Archie.
Dazedly Archie crosses to the night stand where there
is a pitcher of tomato juice. Because he has nothing
else to do he sniffs the tomato juice,
PETULIA
(to nurse)
This is Dr. Bollen of the Hospital.
He's a splendid doctor,
(to Archie)
This is Agnes Lillywhite.
NURSE
Our young lady is doing nicely. We
have a few problems, but nothing
serious.
PETULIA
• I get hiccups.` I go along merrily
hiccupping for hours on end.
ARCHIE
Why did you leave the hospital?
PETULIA
I was feeling ever so much better, Archie.
Mrs. Danner looks in. She is wearing an apron and
stirring a batch of something.
MRS. DANNER
Will you be staying for lunch, sir?
Goodness knows there's plenty of meatloaf.
She goes and David enters. He looks extremely handsome.
He wears white duck pants and a slip-over sweater. And
a happy-go-lucky grin.
PETULIA
You two haven't met.
(to David)
This is Dr. Bollen.
0
85
85 CONTINUED
0
DAVID
(CHEERFULLY)
Yes, I thought so. Hello, there!
David sees that Archie has no intention of shaking
his hand, so he crosses to the bed and begins to
playfully Drank Petulia up and down.
ARCHIE
(to Petulia)
I want you to go back to the hospital.
DAVID
Dr. Worthington says she's doing fine.
He's going to make daily house calls.
PETULIA
He's very good about that.
ARCHIE
Petulia _m® !
During this Mr. Danner has entered. He is really the
only one not good at the charade.
0
PETULIA
(CHEERFULLY)
Well, you're finally meeting our
whole family.
MR. DANNER
Dr. Bollen, I wouldn't exactly call
this good taste. Not to mention
medical ethics.
DAVID
Dad, you old fuddy-duddy, things happen.
Archie suspects he is having a nightmare. With the
exception of Mr. Danner, he has never seen so many
cheerful people in one place.
ARCHIE
(to Petulia)
You told the policeman you had a
dizzy spell.
PETULIA
Right. I fell on my bottom.
0
86
85 CONTINUED
0 ARCHIE
You were beaten up. You were somebody's
punching bag.
MR. DANNER
won't have you cross-examining this
girl.
ARCHIE
Your son nearly killed this girl.
DAVID
(FRIENDLY)
Hey now listen, doe, I'll stand still
for only so much.
MR. DANNER
(to the nurse)
I want you to remember what this man
just said.
(to Archie)
Though it's none of your business, my
boy was in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Looking at boats.
PETULIA
We've decided we're quite happy with
the one we have.
DAVID
When Dad phoned me I was having dinner
with a cousin of ours. Real mouth-
watering Creole cooking.
He and Petulia chuckle at each other as though this
were some kind of private joke. Archie crosses to
Petulia and just stands there looking at her. He
doesn't know what to do.
PETULIA
(HAPPILY)
I'm fine Archie. Except I burp a lot.
Everybody gets dizzy spells.
Archie looks incredulously from Petulia who has resumed
brushing the nurse's hair; to David; to Mr. Danner who's
obviously annoyed at Archie's bad taste; to Mrs. Danner
who is in the dining room setting up an extra place
for Archie. What can he do? Abruptly he rushes from
the house.
87
86 EXT. HOUSE
Archie runs toward the lift that will move him up the
cliff. He can't get away fast enough. He climbs into
the lift and pushes the button. The lift begins moving,
but too slowly for him. He hops off the lift and begins
scrambling up the side of the cliff.
87 INT. PETULIA'S BEDROOM
Petulia looks out the window and sees Archie scrambling
up the cliff, She fits a curler into the nurse's hair.
PETULIA'S VOICE
Going back to the house was the only
thing I could do.
scenes 87A B D .,and E occur only in Petulia's mind.
87A EXT. ATOP CLIFF DAY
Petulia is waiting for Archie at the top of the cliff
as he staggers toward her. Since everything is taking
place in her mind, this is how Petulia really is.
PETULIA
(CONTINUING)
Where else could I go? A lonely hotel
room? I don't have a penny of my own.
Mr. Danner promised me I'd never be left
alone. I thought I'd try it for a few
days. Don't be-angry. It was nobody's
fault. Actually, if anyone is to blame,
it's you, Archie.
ARCHIE
(GASPING)
Me?I.o
87B INT. FAIRMONT HOTEL NIGHT
Petulia now recreates the moment when she first met Archie.
Archie is searching through his pockets for the ticket
to reclaim his coat, Petulia rushes up to him, with
none of the fake nonsense of the actual meeting, but
with absolute desperation. Archie is dressed as he
is on the hill (Scene 86).
PETULIA
I'm Petulia Danner . save me like
you saved Oliver ... save me from David!
Don't lust scramble up the hill like a
• b oody fool o
88
87B Continued
Archie is stunned.
ARCHIE
I'm looking for the ticket for my raincoat.
PETULIA
NOL
87C INT. PETULIA'S BEDROOM
From her bedroom window Petulia watches Archie scramble
up the hill.
PETULIA'S VOICE
Coming for me in that pokey little car.
87D EXT. A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY ROAD DAY
In Petulia's mind, a great white ambulance is moving
majestically through towering trees, carrying Petulia
to safety.
PETULIA'S VOICE
(CONTINUING)
9 Why didn't you bring a proper ambulance?
As though you really meant it.
ARCHIE'S VOICE
I didn't know what to do. I was going
from one moment to the next.
PETULIA'S VOICE
Spectacular entrance, lousy exit. Sounds
familiar, Archie.
Suddenly all the anger goes out of Petulia.
PETULIA'S VOICE:
No, it's not your fault.
87E THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE DAY
Petulia dismisses the ambulance from her mind because
she has something very serious to say to Archie. She
is with him on the rocks below the bridge.
PETULIA
I went back to the house because I owed it
to David. I have a brown thumb when it
comes to men. I put them on the Cross and
call them Jesus. And there they hang. I
don't know why I do it. Not because of any
high opinion of myself... oh, Archie, if you
only knew...
89
87E Continued
She looks up at the bridge and instantly creates David
standing there. An incredibly heroic figure in a white
blazer and turtle neck sweater. Yet somehow we must
sense that despite how grand David looks, at any moment
in Petulia's mind he may leap to his death.
PETULIA
Look at him. Isn't he super. A six foot
three Coca Cola bottle. Empty. I did
that. I'd ruin you, Archie.
87F INT. BEDROOM
We are now back in visual reality with Petulia, and
the playful David who is trying to make Petulia laugh,
which she does.
PETULIA'S VOICE
David was the gentlest man I ever knew.
88 EXT. CLIFF
Archie has neared the top of the cliff. His pants are
ripped, his hands are scraped, he is gasping in anguish.
�
PETULIA'S VOICE
I'd ruin you. In five weeks, I'd be
running around with a black eye.
By now, Archie has reached the top of the cliff and is
a complete mess. He turns for one last look at the
Danner house and the yacht beyond. He shakes his fist
maniacally.
89 EXT0 MUIR WOODS DAY
During the following SEQUENCE OF SCENES Archie is
trying to get back to normality. He's having a nice
sensible talk with Warren Smith, Polo's fiance. It
is a pleasant sunny day and a group of Indian boys are
being told about the forest by an Irish guide. In the
background Archie's two children are playing with
Warren's child.
WARREN
It's never too soon to think of the
boys' education.
Warren winks at him knowingly.
ARCHIE
Have you thought of doing something
about that?
90
89 CONTINUED
WARREN
What ?
ARCHIE
; ; ^ ^ ���,, That twi Lch v v d.
WARREN
What twitch? I don't have a twitch.
ARCHIE
You do. Come and see me. Don't touch
it, it'll give you a phobia. I'll fix
it for free.
WARREN
Thanks, I will. You know, I like you
more t han I ever thought I would.
ARCHIE
Warren, you're a beautiful human being.
They turn to watch the boys at play.
Nearby, the guide is explaining something to the Indians.
INDIAN CHILD
What happens next?
GUIDE
Spring.
Archie smiles hoeefully.
90 INTO A MARVELOUS RESTAURANT NIGHT
Beyond is the entire shockingly beautiful panorama of
San Francisco. Archie and May are having champagne
cocktails. They clink glasses and look at each other
through candlelight. Archie spills some of his cock-
tail but May doesn't spill a drop. Archie smiles
hopefully.
91 INTO DISCOTHEQUE NIGHT
Archie dances with many girls, some hippies, some chic,
all terribly young and unsmiling. Archie smiles
hopefully.
92 EXT. A SA111'
For the first EQ ENCE BEGAN Archie is
not smiling. He _L z ri g at Petulia. Archie and his
boys are riding on ou side of a cable car. The car
has stopped at the t p of the hill as has the car going
the other way. in the other car is Petulia by herself.
Petulia waves f.rst. Archie waves back. Petulia has
shopping parcels.
AR C HIE
You look better.
PETULIA
Feel marvelous. Michael and Stevie?
Archie nods,
ARCHIE
We?-re going to see the penguins.
Everything okay with your
PETULIA
Oh yes, fine.
The cars start down their separate ways.
93 INT. PENGUIN PLACE DAY
Thirty penguins march around the rim of their pool to the
music of Pomp and Circumstance. Through the Public
Address System, a voice explains that the penguins
represent all nations and are gathered 'here for their
own Olympics which they originated two million years ago,
when penguins were nine feet tall and great athletes.
Archie senses someone staring at him, turns and sees
Petulia sitting in the grandstand with her parcels. He
tries to ignore her by concentrating on his kids, but
he cannot. Actually, he doesn't want to ignore Petulia.
He looks back, she is still there, smiling happily.
Archie gestures for the boys to stay where they are, then
starts toward Petulia.
The penguins are now going through various acrobatics
while the narrator is telling more about their exotic
origins. Archie stumbles through laughing children,
ruins a tourist's snapshot, etc., until he finally reaches
Petulia.
Now one penguin is pushing another penguin in a baby
carriage. Everyone thinks it's adorable.
Archie sits beside Petulia not really knowing what to say.
He hasn't decided whether to be angry that she has followed
him,- or amused, or delighted -- or all three.
92
0 93 CONTINUED
Now the taped music is blaring a Loud marching song as
the penguins lumberingly form into a Roman legion, The
laughter,, music and applause ?make any intimate conversa-
tion almost impossible. But Petulia is waiting for
Archie to say something.
Archie sees that Mike has turned from the penguins to
stare at his father accusingly. Mike won't stop staring.
Mike now tries to make Stevie turn and look accusingly
with him, Archie doesn't know what to do0
Finally, Petulia rises and gathers her parcels,, still
quite pleasant. She drops a parcel and Archie retrieves
it for hero Its from a sportswear shop,, colorful and
gay. As Archie gives Petulia the parcel, she touches
his hand, running her fingers lightly over his skin,
thoughtful, as though wanting to remember something.
Petulia moves quickly through people toward the exit.
Archie almost calls her back, but there is too much noise.
9. INT. CORRIDOR ARCHIE'S APARTMENT DAY
Archie is returning from work, weighted down with
books for his research, plus miscroscope.
He sees his apartment door ajar. His heart stops.
He kicks his door open with his foot, not daring to
think who will be inside.
95 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT
No, you're wrong. Its not Petulia. Two elderly
gentlemen in spotless dungarees are just finishing
installing a portable greenhouse in Arc hie's living
room. The Mexican paper flowers have been carefully
moved.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Oh, oho We were supposed to be out of
here before you came home, Dr. Bollen.
So you'd think it came from Santa Claus,
The two elderly gentlemen chuckle at Archie's puzzled
look.
93
95 CONTINUED
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Wonderful. i.sn g t - t ? They sell like
hot cakes. Gives you something alive
in all this stone.
ARCHIE
There must be some mistake.
He sags down on a chair, draped in his research books.
The two old gentlemen couldn't be more pleased.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Mac and I get a, big kick out of people's
first reaction. Its not a toy. It's
a working greenhouse. You control heat
and humidity with these.
(he indicates dials)
You've got a little bit of everything.
Ornamental plants,, Zinnias, Asters.
Even a little vegetable garden. The
most important thing to remember is
to keep the sun out. These new kind
of lights work so much better, there's
no comparison.
�
ARCHIE
You've got the wrong apartment l
FIRST GENTLEMAN
(CHEERFULLY)
No we have not s Dr. Bollen3
ARCHIE
What screwball ...?I
Then he stops, He knows what screwball.
ARCHIE
No gift card?
FIRST GENTLEMAN
It might come by mail.
Archie starts chuckling. He crosses to the green-
house, still chuckling.
9L.
95 CONTINUED
�
ARCHIE
This one heat, and this one humidity,
right?
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Exactly. We've left a manual of
operations, and wetll check everything
out in a month. Okay, Dr. Bollen?
ARCHIE
(still chuckling)
Okay, okay! Goodbye,'
He enters the greenhouse, having to stoop almost double, as
the two old gentlemen exit from the apartment.
96 INT. GREENHOUSE
Though extremely uncomfortable, Archie is entirely happy.
Suddenly he is ripping up flowers and vegetables to make a
kooky bouquet. He is positively exultant. He adds radishes
and turnips to the bouquet. This is the happiest we have
ever seen Archie.
�
97. EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAY
Archiets car is parked on the cliff.
The Danner house is dark, deserted, abandoned.
Archie is standing by himself on the wharf bouquet in hand.
The yacht has gone. And so has Petulia.
Archie feels utterly alone, and as a matter of fact, he is.
He tosses the bouquet into the water. The lettuce floats.
97A EXT. THE YACHT DAY
Theoretically, we should be at some flea bag port in South
America. Mostly, we SEE the yacht.
40
95
0
97A Continued
Petulia is sunbathing on the yacht. She looks much better
now. Weeks have passed, she has a golden tan. Beside her,
a transistor radio has picked up a local broadcast which
would be in either Spanish or Portuguese and which consists
mostly of music.
David hops onto the yacht carrying a bag of groceries.
He, too, is deeply tanned, marvelously healthy, but somehow
uneasy.
DAVID
Hi.
PETULIA
Did you get mama on the plane all right?
DAVID
Sure. But what a dinky plane. Poor
mamats stomach problems are far from over.
He enters the cabin. Petulia sits up after a moment, looks
about, sees no one else, then then in alarm peers into one
of the windows that looks down into the cabin.
�
97B INT. CABIN
David is stowing food into the refrigerator.
PETULIA
You didn't leave papa alone in that
horrible little town?
DAVID
It's not such a horrible little town.
(he holds up a can)
Hearts of artichokes'
PETULIA
(UNEASILY)
David...
DAVID?
Take your "Vitamer Zed," you blinkint
Limey.
�
96
0 97B Continued
He uses the English way of saying "vitamin," and then a bit
too rakishly he tosses an orange up through the window.
Instinctively, Petulia makes an effort to catch, misses,
and it hits her lightly on the shoulder. Though it causes
no damage,'David is suddenly in terror. He races up out
of the cabin to Petulia.
97C EXT. YACHT DAY
David rushes to Petulia. Of course the orange did no damage
whatever, but there is an abrupt tension between them. He
flops down beside her and begins peeling the orange,
DAVID
Papa went with her at the last minute.
Petulia REACTS, shocked.
DAVID
(CONTINUING)
She was so pale and seared. They aren't
even pressurized. The plane. You suck
on a tube and hope it's oxygen.
S
During this he has peeled the orange and torn it into
segments, which he now tries to feed her.
DAVID
Open.
PETULIA
How could he have gone? Just like that?
DAVID
Where mama is concerned, papa is a very
loving man. Open.
Instead, Petulia jumps frightened to her feet, She seems
about to leave the yacht.
DAVID
Please don't.
PETULIA
He Dromised;
DAVID
Honey. It'll be okay, Cross my heart.
0 PETULTA
He promised.
97
0 97C Continued
A middle-aged couple are passing by on their way to their
luxurious yacht which is anchored close by. They are
trailed by a rather tacky Mari-ache trio,
W OMAN
Hello there you gorgeous people.
Everyone's invited for Margueritas
and cha-cha-cha.
PETULIA
(DAZEDLY)
Mr. and Mrs. Danner are gone,
WOMAN
(a`s corny as this)
Oooh la la; Lucky you;
The group goes off, toward their yacht. Petulia doesn't know
what to do. David skims off his jeans and jackknifes into
the water. The sun glints on his exquisite body. Confusedly,
Petulia pops a segment of an orange into her mouth. David
surfaces from the water laughing up at her. He looks great.
97D EXT. YACHT NIGHT
Petulia and David are returning from the other yacht. They
are dressed casually, but very well. David is completely
happy. Petulia is uneasy -- uneasy hell, she's frightened
out of her wits. From the other yacht we still hear the
SOUNDS of the Mariache trio and people squealing with delight
David is humming along with the music.
PETULIA
We didn't have to come back this early..
DAVID
You're still not one hundred per cent
well.
They've reached the cabin. He enters. She waits outside.
Suddenly his hand is around her wrist, somewhat too hard, and
in a gesture he hopes is playful, he pulls her down the steps
into the cabin.
97E INTO CABIN
DAVID
Icy hands.
0
PETULIA
Warm heart.
98
97E Continued
10
DAVID
So they say,
Petulia says nothing. She begins undressing,
DAVID
(CONTINUING)
I didn't tell papa to leave.
She doesn't answer.
DAVID
(CONTINUING)
He only had the clothes on his back.
She doesn't answer.
DAVID
(CONTINUING)
I didn't.want him to leave.
PETULIA
All right, David.
• DAVID
"All right, David," through chattering
teeth.
Petulia crawls under the sheet of a bunk.
DAVID
Only a crazy man hits a woman. Or a
coward. T won't ever again. I'd
stick my hand into a garbage disposal.
I would, Petulia. I'd grind it up,
Petulia lies under the sheet, silent, rigid, David
abruptly crosses to a cabinet and takes out a signal flare
pistol. He snaps in a flare and tosses it at Petulia.
She sits up in panic.
DAVID
Hang on to it. If I come for you let
me have a flare. Between the eyes.
I'll melt in ten seconds.
Petulia is touched.
0
99
97E Continued
��;IUL�iA
I couldn't do that, Youtre too beautiful
to melt.
DAVID
(suddenly angry)
Girls are beautiful,
PETULIA
(GRINNING)
So are centaurs, unicorns, minataurs,0.
DAVID
(GRINNING)
, ,astron.uts, short order cooks, trumpet
players,,,
PETULIA
Cavalry officers, aging poets, men of
science,,.
They are enjoying the nonsense. Then on "Men of Science':
0 97F DAVID'S IMAGE:
His finger is pressed against the doorbell over which is
the nameplate "DR, A. BOLEN." The door finally opens and
Petulia is standing there in Archie's hooded sweatshirt.
Her eyes widen in terror as David enters Archie's apartment.
She knows he has come here to kill her,
97G The image ends. David is abruptly withdrawn, but Petulia
is carried away by memory.
PETULIA
The first time I saw you, you were being
charming to- somebody who didn't buy a
boat after all, You were wearing a light
blue turtleneck sweater. Your sunglasses
w®re'pushed up into your hair. You had
sandals, but'-no socks. Trying. to sell a
forty foot yacht without socks. I had
never seen anything so perfect. "He's
not real. He's one of those plastic
gadgets Americans do so well. Ah, but
I want one."
w _ has c r ` .e r.; I. u aa!= radars g 'e
;R; R 'N
_ ;b.v st a t.base are rbi w s
Gt A.,I., b f t' m "` ..a. '_ aH i e e Y .
G
e� is'
tb w y. arS 7c a , 4 �'„ylergency Ox
mi ea e, l L scent!
They" re very
sii ?•,;' er�.}r f tma y .
X47 :Lid.`
Honey, yll Yarre about uha
__ Ancnis and 2010 are
mmarv. and , ._ r a 5 an Outsi ?5'.C
F;}LO
W at was their name?
-.7 well mote".
POLO
No! exact i phy. -o
ARGHT
3so Z tt: i i i£ " r e z niked.yt z 1:tdden-=: yrE: QU,
Warres I s bein :el oat. Big will r_ot .sae w63y
-nocs u ses in Wyly o Warr e jo ' in t-o .iect ng
101
98 CONTINUED
Then Petulia sees Archie beside her bed. He is wearing
his hospital jacket which gives him the run of the place.
PETULIA
They can't keep any secrets around here.
ARCHIE
When did you get back?
PETULIA
A year ago. You didn't forget me,
ARCH IE
How could I? All those laughs.
He dabs a Kleenex on her sweat-beaded face.
ARCHIE
So, Things go better with Mr. and Mrs. Danner,
PETULIA
Obviously,
They look at each other tenderly.
�
PETULIA
Why did you let me get away?
ARCHIE
Bad timing. Dumb Archie.
PETULIA
Girls like me are very rare, Archie
Archie cannot endure this,
ARCHIE
(SUDDENLY)
I could.call an ambulance. Take you to a
private hospital in Oakland. If we didn't
make it in time, so what, I don't know
how many babies I delivered as an intern.
98A EXT. THE AMBULANCE DAY
FOR AN INSTANT WE SEE PETU LIA'S IDYLLIC AMBULANCE
AGAIN CARRYING HER TO HAPPINESS,
DAY
98B INT. LABOR ROOM
40 ARCHIE
There's nothing to it. Especially a
girl with your pelvis, You've got a
very superior pelvis.
102
98B Continued
She begins to ;ry.
ARCHIE
We'd never be apart again0
PETULIA
You don't mean it.
ARCHIE
I do.
Petulia twists in pain. The nurse looks over.
NURSE
That wasn't four minutes.
The nurse makes a note then turns her attention to
another lady who must be wheeled to the Delivery Room,
PETULIA
I hurt. Touch it Archie. Make it hurt less.
His hand touches her belly very gently.
PETULIA
0 It doesn't help.
ARCHIE
You see?
PETULIA
But your hands were magic with Oliver.
ARCHIE
Who?
Her pain has subsided, and she looks up at Archie.
PETULIA
Would you really?
ARCHIE
Yes.
PETULIA
You'd call an ambulance? At this
late stage?
ARCHIE
Say the word.
PETULIA
No. I'm different now. Damn it Archie,
why did I go to that Motel with you?
103
98B Continued
The pregnant ladies react to this.
PETULIA
(CONTINUING)
Do you realize we were actually only
a one night stand? We never even gave
each other a cold, All we really did
was pass each other going the other
way. Have I changed you, Archie?
ARCHIE
You turned me into a nut.
PETULIA
Is that good?
ARCHIE
Yes, I think so, Who knows? I hope
PETULIA
Archie, call the ambulance.
Archie crosses to the phone, picks up the receiver,
then almost at once he puts it down again.
• PETULIA
When I lay dying -- twenty years from
now -- a middle-aged old lady --
wondering what my life was all about,
you won't even cross my mind.
Archie winces. He starts out. He cantt even say
goodbye.
PETULIA
Hey, wait I lied.
ARCHIE
About what?
PETULIA
I'll never forget you, Arnold.
ARCHIE
Arnold?
He starts laughing, then she starts laughing. He crosses
to her and holds her hand in his very tightly. Then he
leaves.
10TH
99 INT. HOSPITAL LOBBY
D
Archie feels unexpectedly giddy and carefree. He
meets David carrying a silly, sweet gift. David
tenses for a show-down, Archie impulsively flips out
David's tie and continues on his way,
100 EXT0 HOSPITAL DAY
As Archie exits from the hospital a kid on a roller
board almost kills him.
He has an ice cream bar. He sees three pretty girls,
one with blonde hair like Petulia's. But it's the
dark-haired girl who feels his gaze and looks back.
Archie, watching the girl, and eating his ice cream,
leans against an electrical appliance shop window.
Inside, among endless other items is a single T.V.
tube, on which the world's violence flickers silently
and unnoticed as before.
As we leave Archie, we feel a sense of euphoria -- well,
what do you know, it all ended rather sweetly after all.
101 INT. DELIVERY ROOM
Petulia is looking up at the bright light on the
ceiling. Two hands move toward her face holding an
ether mask. The hands seem infinitely gentle. One
hand touches Petulia's face to reassure her.
PETULIA
(in a whisper)
Archie .?
THE END
