THE ADDAMS FAMILY
by
Larry Wilson and Caroline Thompson
Rewrite by
Paul Rudnick
based on the characters of
Charles Addams
SHOOTING SCRIPT
April 11, 1991
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/6/90
FADE IN:
A1 EXT. ADDAMS MANSION FRONT STEPS - CHRISTMAS EVE A1
A GROUP OF CAROLERS, their eager faces upturned, SINGS an
endless and cloying roundelay of "Little Drummer Boy."
They sing with self-righteous good cheer. As they
pompously begin their umpteenth verse,
THE CAMERA SLOWLY PANS UP THE ADDAMS MANSION -- past
the black wreath on the front door, past broken windows,
weather-beaten shingles, a creaking shutter.
THE CAMERA CONTINUES TO PAN TO THE ROOF
where the Addams Family members, GOMEZ, MORTICIA, GRANNY,
PUGSLEY, WEDNESDAY, and LURCH, their faithful butler,
gleefully POUR a CAULDRON OF BUBBLING, STEAMING PITCH
over the edge.
AS THE CAULDRON TIPS, THE CAMERA PUSHES INSIDE, THE
BLACKNESS OF THE PITCH FILLS THE SCREEN. TITLES BEGIN.
DISSOLVE TO:
1 INT. DIM HALLWAY - SEVEN O'CLOCK A.M. 1
C.U. AN OVER-SIZED "CUCKOO" CLOCK --
The clock is a perfect REPLICA OF THE ADDAMS FAMILY
HOUSE, down to the creaking shutter. It chimes the hour.
In ONE WINDOW, a LITTLE MECHANICAL GOMEZ bends a
MECHANICAL MORTICIA back until she's almost off her feet
and plants a kiss between her clockwork decolletage.
One, two, three mechanical kisses, counting toward
seven o'clock.
IN ANOTHER WINDOW, A MECHANICAL PUGSLEY hangs a
MECHANICAL WEDNESDAY from a noose on a gallows, up and
down.
Meanwhile, little BURSTS OF FOG float off the rooftop
where a little MECHANICAL GRANNY cranks her fog machine.
The front door of the house pops open, and a MECHANICAL
LURCH appears and begins sweeping.
Just then, THING, the disembodied hand with the
full-bodied personality, CLIMBS into view over the back
of the clock.
Thing leaps to the floor and SCAMPERS down the hall.
LOW TRACKING SHOT
follows Thing along the hallway.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 2.
1 CONTINUED: 1
He runs past a couple of doors, past a pair of LEGS in
pajamas, feet in bedroom slippers. He skids to a halt
and BACK TRACKS to the legs. He pulls on the cuff of
the pajama bottoms. They belong to GOMEZ, who stands
in the doorway to
A2 INT. FESTER'S ROOM A2
Gomez wears a fez and a smoking jacket over his pajamas.
Even at this early hour, he puffs on his trademark cigar.
Gomez is all enthusiasm or all despair. At the moment,
he radiates unfathomable woe.
GOMEZ
Think of it, Thing. He's been gone
for twenty-five years. For twenty-
five years we've attempted to
contact Fester in the great
beyond...
The room is a dusty, cobweb-filled, long-unoccupied shrine
to Gomez's lost brother, Fester. Gomez drifts in from the
doorway.
The room has remained untouched since Fester's
disappearance as a teenager. The thick coating of dust
and cobwebs adorns the mementoes of a rapscallion's youth
- a football pennant from Alcatraz, headless sports
trophies, a high school photo with all the other students
keeping as much distance from Fester as possible.
As he lovingly and morosely surveys the room:
GOMEZ
... And for twenty-five years,
nothing. Not a whisper, not a
clue. I'm beginning to think my
my brother truly is lost.
Gomez sighs. Thing TUGS at his cuff, pulling him towards
the
B2 INT. HALLWAY - SAME TIME B2
Galloping ahead of Gomez, Thing leaps onto an
old-fashioned door latch and the door swings open INTO
2 INT. GOMEZ AND MORTICIA'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME 2
Gomez approaches the bed. Asleep on scarlet satin sheets
is...
MORTICIA
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 3.
2 CONTINUED: 2
GOMEZ
(gazing at Morticia)
Look at her -- I would die for her.
I would kill for her. Either way
-- what bliss.
Low-voiced, incisive, and subtle, with Morticia, smiles
are rare. The ghostly whiteness of her complexion is
offset by the red of the pillowcase upon which her hair
is spread like a diabolic halo. A dark Garbo, sultry
and remote, she's a ruined beauty.
Morticia OPENS HER EYES.
GOMEZ
(adoringly)
Unhappy, darling?
MORTICIA
(passionately)
Oh, yes, yes. Completely.
CUT TO:
A3 OMITTED A3
3 INT. PUGSLEY'S ROOM - SAME TIME 3
Pugsley crouches on the floor, playing with his kid-sized
chemistry set.
The walls of his room are covered with road signs he's
collected -- "Bridge Out!", "Detour! Excavation Ahead!",
"Dangerous Undertow!", "Keep Clear! High Voltage!"
SAWED-OFF STOP SIGNS, still on their poles, are stacked
in the corner.
In another corner stands a CYLINDRICAL FLOOR-TO-CEILING
FISH TANK, FILLED WITH PIRANHA.
This tubby energetic monster of a nine-year-old boy has
every chance of growing up to be the public monster his
parents would be proud of.
He MIXES chemicals in a beaker. The brew steams. Grin-
ning wickedly, Pugsley SWALLOWS it down.
He contorts, undergoing the beginnings of a transforma-
tion, then SHRINKS to the size of a mouse. Laughing, he
crawls out of his human-size pajamas.
CUT TO:
4 OMITTED 4
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 4.
A5 INT. ATTIC - SAME TIME A5
Solemn and mournful, ten-year-old Wednesday has black
hair and white skin like her mother. She sits on a stool
among the stored Addams' family objects, ONE END OF A
STRING TIED TO HER TOOTH, THE OTHER TIED TO A TRAP DOOR.
The trap door is flung open, GRANNY pokes her head
through. She's a giggly hag who looks like she was in
the bathtub when the hairdryer fell in.
Wednesday's pulled tooth swings at the end of the string.
WEDNESDAY
Thank you, Grandmama.
In a foul mood, Granny tromps up into the attic.
GRANNY
You kids are going to have to kill
your own breakfast this morning.
Wednesday opens a cigar box. Inside the box are assorted
human and animal teeth, fangs and dentures, along with a
collection of glass eyes. Wednesday drops her tooth in
the box.
CUT TO:
5 OMITTED 5
A6 INT. GOMEZ AND MORTICIA'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME A6
Gomez takes Morticia in his arms. As she languidly
drapes herself across his chest, she is caught in a
sudden shaft of sunlight. She squints. On the bedside
table beside her, Morticia's OVERSIZED CARNIVOROUS
ORCHID WILTS.
MORTICIA
Gomez... the sun... il me perce
comme un poignard.
GOMEZ
(wildly aroused)
Tish... that's French!
MORTICIA
(nonchalant)
Oui.
GOMEZ
Cara mia!
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 12/3/90 5.
A6 CONTINUED: A6
He kisses his way up to her neck, then, suddenly
bursting with enthusiasm and a sense of purpose, LEAPS
from the bed, drawing his bedside saber from its sheath
and BRANDISHING it at the offending beam.
GOMEZ
En garde monsieur sole!
He thrusts and parries, pantomiming a duel with the
shaft of light.
MORTICIA
Gomez?
GOMEZ
Querida?
MORTICIA
Last night, you were... unhinged.
You were like some desperate,
howling demon. You frightened me.
Do it again.
Gomez, instantly aflame.
CUT TO:
6 EXT. ROOFTOP - SAME TIME 6
Granny delivers a swift kick to her fog machine.
GRANNY
Lousy bucket of bolts...!
The FOG MACHINE, straight out of a Jules Verne nightmare,
is malfunctioning this morning, struggling to churn
out its patches of fog.
CUT TO:
7 INT./EXT. MORTICIA AND GOMEZ'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME 7
At the window, Gomez pokes his head out. In the
background, Morticia brushes her hair with a silver
filigree brush.
GOMEZ
(disturbed)
Granny - where's your fog?
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 5A .
7 CONTINUED: 7
FROM ABOVE
the fog machine hurtles downwards, missing decapitating
Gomez by millimeters. It crashes below, smashing through
the front porch roof.
CUT TO:
8 OMITTED 8
9 INT. ENTRANCE HALL - LATER 9
Standing beside the front door is LURCH, the gigantic
family butler, a reanimated stitched-together behemoth.
He holds two brown paper lunch bags in his enormous
hands. The bags' contents wriggle, eager to escape.
WEDNESDAY
(taking her bag)
Thank you, Lurch.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/6/90 6.
9 CONTINUED: 9
Pugsley takes his bag, opens it, and peers inside. Lurch
GROWLS, and Pugsley closes the bag.
CUT TO:
10 EXT. BALCONY OUTSIDE GOMEZ AND MORTICIA'S BEDROOM - 10
SAME TIME
Gomez is HITTING GOLF BALLS -- Thing serving as his tee
-- while Morticia sips tea.
11 ONE OF THE GOLF BALLS 11
flies with incredible speed
THROUGH THE WINDOW of the ADDAMS' ONLY NEIGHBOR. This
well-tended HOME sits on the hill overlooking the
Addams' Mansion like some Republican sentinel.
CUT TO:
12 INT. NEIGHBOR'S HOME - SAME TIME 12
JUDGE WOMACK, the Addams' CRUSTY PATRICIAN NEIGHBOR, is
having his breakfast when Gomez's golf ball lands in
his cornflakes, shattering the bowl, covering him with
milk.
Judge Womack hurries to his broken window, shaking his
fist:
JUDGE WOMACK
Damn you, Addams!
CUT TO:
13 EXT. GOMEZ AND MORTICIA'S BALCONY - SAME TIME 13
FROM THEIR VANTAGE POINT --
it appears to Gomez and Morticia that Judge Womack is
waving to them. Gomez waves back.
GOMEZ
(calls)
Sorry about the window, Judge!
Keep the ball! I have a whole
bucketful.
He holds up a bucket of golf balls. He tosses his
golfclub to Thing, who DEPOSITS IT in the golfbag.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 7.
13 CONTINUED: 13
Gomez joins Morticia watching
THE DEPARTING SCHOOL BUS.
MORTICIA
The little ones, off to school.
Bless them.
GOMEZ
They grow up so fast, don't they?
MORTICIA
Too fast.
THEIR POV
Tires smoking, the school bus strains to chug down the
road. Gleefully hanging from the rear bumper is
Pugsley, dragging his heels.
CUT TO:
A14 OMITTED A14
B14 INT. THE CONSERVATORY - LATER THAT MORNING B14
Morticia, wearing gardening gloves, is snipping the
blossoms off her roses.
Gomez sits at a table, playing CHESS with Thing.
GOMEZ
It's a milestone, Tish. This very
evening -- our twenty-fifth seance.
All those years, gnawed by guilt,
undone by woe, burning with
uncertainty...
MORTICIA
(yearningly)
Oh Gomez, don't torture yourself.
That's my job.
GOMEZ
(lustfully)
Tish...
MORTICIA
Imagine, Darling, if Fester did
come back. Half-alive, barely
human, a rotting shell...
GOMEZ
Don't tease.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 12/3/90 8.
14 EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE ADDAMS' GROUNDS - SAME TIME 14
TULLY ALFORD, the family attorney, and his wife, MARGARET,
approach "GATE," a wrought-iron monstrosity that opens of
its own accord. Though Tully comes here often and
Margaret has been here before, they never cease to be
startled by "Gate."
Tully has a puffy, once handsome face, and an embittered
grey aura that is the mark of a middle-age misspent.
High-strung and superficial, Margaret is more disap-
pointed in Tully than he is in himself.
Margaret passes through Gate first. Then, as Tully passes
through, Gate slams on him, clipping him and catching the
end of his coat. Tully fights Gate for his coat.
TULLY
Let me go!
Ignoring Tully, Margaret continues stiffly up the walk.
TULLY
(to Gate)
Gimme that! Stop it! I'm warning
you! It's not a good day!
CUT TO:
A15 INT. CONSERVATORY - SAME TIME A15
Gomez moves a chess piece. Thing gestures out the window.
Gomez and Morticia both look out. As they do, Thing
moves two chess pieces, cheating.
MORTICIA
(looking out)
Tully is here, darling.
GOMEZ
Please, Gordon, by all means - go.
Sing. Dance. Date.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/12/90 85 .
113 CONTINUED: (2) 113
FESTER
(coming to his senses)
Mother, I'm... I'm so terribly
sorry...
(he kneels at her side)
It was just a party. It's over.
It means nothing. Those Siamese
twins, that hunchback, Cousin It
- they're not you.
ABIGAIL
(clutching him
savagely)
Say it, Gordon. Make me believe it.
FESTER
I love you. And I want money.
ABIGAIL
(very no-nonsense)
We've got to find Tully.
CUT TO:
114 INT. BALLROOM - SAME TIME 114
Morticia is looking for her children. She discovers
Pugsley ASLEEP, curled up on the SILVER PLATTER WHERE THE
TWO-HEADED PIG LAY. She finds this enchanting.
Gomez enters. Morticia shushes him; she points to the
platter.
MORTICIA
(whispering)
Look - our little boy.
GOMEZ
(whispering)
All tuckered out.
MORTICIA
(whispering)
So sweet. He looks just... like
a little entree.
Pugsley wakes up; he looks around.
PUGSLEY
(sleepy)
Where... where's the party?
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/12/90 86 .
114 CONTINUED: 114
MORTICIA
It's over, darling - have you seen
your sister?
PUGSLEY
Not since before the Mamushka.
MORTICIA
Gomez?
GOMEZ
Don't fret - we'll find her.
CUT TO:
115 EXT. ADDAMS YARD - LATER 115
Gomez rallies the family for the search. Morticia wears
a black cloak. Granny has grabbed her divining rod.
Lurch distributes torches, then stands aside, awaiting
instructions. Pugsley helps Gomez unroll an ancient map
of the area.
GOMEZ
Fan out. Pugsley - head for the dung
heap. Mama and Morticia - the shallow
graves. I'll take the abyss, and
Lurch - check the bottomless pit.
MORTICIA
(worried)
Her favorite...
GOMEZ
(calls out)
Fester!!
FESTER (O.S.)
Up here.
They look up at Fester, looking down at them from
Wednesday's window.
GOMEZ
Fester! You take the ravine! And
the unmarked, abandoned well!
FESTER
Somebody should stay behind - in
case she comes back.
GOMEZ
Good man! Good thinking!
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 12/3/90 87 .
115 CONTINUED: 115
GRANNY
Then who'll take the swamp?
Thing tugs at the cuff of Gomez's pants. Gomez nods.
GOMEZ
That's the spirit, Thing - lend a
hand! Let's go!
They all sweep off, with Gomez in the lead.
116 INT. WEDNESDAY'S ROOM - A SHORT WHILE LATER 116
Fester is still at the window. Abigail joins him.
THEIR POV
Spread far and wide over the grounds, the various members
of the family search for Wednesday, tiny lights aloft,
calling.
ABIGAIL
Where the hell is Tully?
They head out.
CUT TO:
117 OMITTED 117
118 INT. DEN - A LITTLE LATER 118
Fester and Virginia find...
TULLY -
sitting in an armchair, basking in the rays of sunshine
that beam from a copy of "The Sun Also Rises." Tully
smiles at them.
ABIGAIL
What are you doing?
TULLY
Relaxing. Taking a little sun.
ABIGAIL
Have you gone mad?
TULLY
Au contraire.
Tully closes the book and smugly unfurls a LEGAL DOCUMENT.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/19/91 88 .
119 EXT. SWAMP - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 119
Thing hops lily pads, stopping occasionally to quest the
air for his mistress.
CUT TO:
120 EXT. PRIMEVAL FOREST ADJACENT TO CEMETERY - MIDDLE OF 120
THE NIGHT
Torch aloft, Pugsley searches through the primeval forest.
CUT TO:
121 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 121
Lurch picks up a car -- looking for Wednesday.
CUT TO:
122 EXT. UNDERGROUND GROTTO - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 122
Morticia and Granny stand in the middle of the dripping
dankness. Stalagmites. Stalactites.
Granny's torch casts scary shadows on the cave walls.
GRANNY
(calling out)
Wednesday! Wednesday!
MORTICIA
Oh, Mama, I was sure we'd find her
here.
CUT TO:
123 EXT. CEMETERY - DARK 123
Gomez reaches a stately mausoleum at the far end of the
cemetery. Two proud marble vultures guard the entryway.
Gomez lowers the uplifted claw of one of the vultures and
the stone doors slide open. He steps into -
A124 INT. MAUSOLEUM - SAME TIME A124
Inside it is catacomb-like, filled with the bleached
bones of the Addams dead. Gomez's torch casts shadows
-- one of which belongs to Wednesday, curled asleep on a
stone sarcophagus. Relieved to find her, Gomez
approaches quietly. He doesn't want to wake her up. He
lifts her tenderly in his arms.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/15/91 89 .
124 EXT. GATE - DARKNESS BEFORE DAWN 124
Gate can't open. He rattles miserably on his hinges --
locked tight with heavy chains and yellow police tape -
large "NO TRESPASSING!! COURT ORDER!! ADDAMS FAMILY -
KEEP OUT!!" signs are posted on Gate's rusty bars.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL --
the family, appalled at the sight of Gate. Lurch carries
the sleeping Wednesday and Pugsley.
GOMEZ
What's all this?
TULLY --
hurries down the walkway, waving his legal document.
TULLY
This is a restraining order, Gomez.
GOMEZ
A restraining order?
TULLY
It requires you to keep a distance of
one thousand yards from this house.
You've got about nine hundred and
ninety-nine yards to go - catch my
drift?
GOMEZ
(in disbelief)
I am restrained - from my own house!?
TULLY
Not your house, moustache! Not any
more! It belongs to the eldest living
descendant, the older of the brothers
-- Fester Addams!
GOMEZ
But - this is lunacy!
MORTICIA
Fester adores Gomez!
TULLY
He's afraid of him. Seeing the
twins brought it all back.
(to Gomez)
You're bitter rivals, Gomez - always
were, always will be!
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/15/91 89A.
124 CONTINUED: 124
GOMEZ
It's not so! Those girls meant nothing
- he knows that! I demand to see
Fester!
TULLY
Sorry - no can do. He's very hurt -
it's not a good time. Leave it alone.
Or better yet - just leave.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/22/91 90 .
124 CONTINUED: 124
Wednesday comes forward, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
WEDNESDAY
But he isn't even Uncle Fester.
Gomez and Morticia turn to look at her.
GOMEZ
(to his family)
Do not fear - justic shall
prevail. The courts will decide!
(fervently)
They say a man who represents
himself has a fool for a client.
Well, with God as my witness -
I am that fool!
CUT TO:
125 OMITTED 125
A126 OMITTED A126
126 INT. COURTROOM - DAY 126
C.U. GAVEL --
hammers on the Judge's bench.
PULL BACK to reveal --
JUDGE WOMACK
is the presiding judge. He hammers the bench again, then
reads his decision.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/26/91 91 .
126 CONTINUED: 126
JUDGE WOMACK
Given applicable standards of
proof, the attempts to impugn this
man's character or question his
identity have been woefully
inadequate. It is with no small
amount of personal satisfaction
that I declare Fester Addams legal
executor of the Addams estate and
rightful owner of all properties
and possessions contained herein.
Gomez Addams...
(He holds up a golf ball)
I believe this is yours.
CUT TO:
127 EXT. ADDAMS MANSION - DAY 127
The family members TROOP to the car with their few
possessions.
GOMEZ
already sits in the passenger seat of the Duesenberg, his
coat draped over his shoulders as if he were an invalid,
his head thrown back.
Morticia carries out Cleo, her carnivorous plant. Granny
carries her favorite cauldron, Wednesday one of her Marie
Antoinette dolls, Pugsley his chemistry set. Lurch uproots
his favorite tree and joins the procession. Thing follows,
dragging a toy wagon packed with his rings, his glove.
CUT TO:
128 OMITTED 128
129 EXT. ADDAMS OVERGROWN DRIVEWAY - LATER 129
The Duesenberg eases out of the driveway and onto the
street, WEIGHED DOWN by Lurch's tree, sticking out of
the trunk.
FESTER
standing at a second story window, watches the car drive
off.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 92 .
130 EXT. WAMPUM COURT - LATER. 130
A two-story NEON ARROW points the way to this bungalow
court -- Bright and awful ersatz western. LOG CABINS OF
SIMULATED WOOD surround the TEEPEE-SHAPED OFFICE.
The Addams' Duesenberg is parked in front of the furthest
cabin. The asphalt has been ripped up in big chunks and
Lurch's tree is parked next to the Addams' new home.
CUT TO:
131 INT. BUNGALOW - SAME TIME 131
C.U. DRESSING TABLE MIRROR
Morticia leans into frame. With an icepick and a hammer,
she deftly makes a large spidery CRACK in the round mirror.
Sighing deeply, she stands back to admire her handiwork.
Granny joins her.
GRANNY
I like it.
Her mother pats her consolingly.
MORTICIA
Just as long as we're together,
n'est pas, mon cher?
As she turns to Gomez, we see the interior of the bungalow
-- all ersatz cowboy and Indian mixed with chrome-plated
plastic and orange shag carpet.
GOMEZ
sits slumped in a chair made from wagon wheel and nauga-
hyde. It's as if all of his insane, vibrant energy has
been leeched from him. He's a broken man. He looks back
at her as if he's never heard French.
GOMEZ
Huh?
Wednesday tends to him. She and her mother exchange a
worried look.
PUGSLEY
comes from the bathroom, nibbling a wrapped bar of motel
soap.
PUGSLEY
This place isn't so bad. They even
put candy in the bathroom.
MORTICIA
That's the soap, dear.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 93 .
131 CONTINUED: 131
PUGSLEY
Oh.
He takes another greedy bite.
Wednesday pats her father's arm.
WEDNESDAY
Do you want a cigar, Father?
GOMEZ
(in a monotone)
They're very bad for you.
WEDNESDAY
(very worried)
Father?
Wednesday exchanges a panic-stricken look with Morticia.
The family moves closer to Gomez.
GOMEZ
But maybe I'll have one of those...
He takes a bar of soap from Pugsley. Gomez unwraps it
and morosely eats.
CUT TO:
132 OMITTED 132
132A INT. ADDAMS MANSION - MIDWAY TO THE VAULT 132A
C.U. on three hands, as they reach up to pull three of
the countless chains.
CUT TO:
A133 EXT. ADDAMS YARD - MIDNIGHT A133
THE COAL CHUTE ON THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE --
drops open, dumping out Fester, Abigail, and Tully - all
of them wet and bedraggled and gasping for air.
ABIGAIL
(to Fester)
You're doing this on purpose.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 94 .
A133 CONTINUED: A133
They all struggle to their feet and march grimly back
toward the door.
CUT TO:
133 INT. WAMPUM COURT BUNGALOW - MORNING 133
Gomez is STRETCHED OUT on the naked box springs of his
bed -- the mattress pushed aside. A damp cloth covers
his eyes. Thing MASSAGES his aching head. A bowl of
MOTEL SOAPS is beside him.
In contrast, Morticia squarely faces the crisis. She
addresses the family from the head of the breakfast
table, the want ads open on the table before her.
MORTICIA
We are Addamses, and we will not
submit. Who recalls the fable of
the tortoise and the hare? The
swift, yet lazy little cottontail,
and his slow but determined companion?
What does that story teach us, as
Addamses?
GRANNY
Kill the hare. Skin it. Boil it.
WEDNESDAY
Put the tortoise on the highway.
PUGSLEY
During rush hour.
MORTICIA
Yes! We will survive! Poison us,
strangle us, break our bones -
we will come back for more.
And why?
GRANNY
Because we like it!
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/12/90 94A.
133 CONTINUED: 133
PUGSLEY
Because we're Addamses!
Gomez tries to rouse himself.
GOMEZ
(out of it)
We're Addamses...
He burps -- soap bubbles floating from his mouth.
CUT TO:
134 OMMITTED 134
135 OMITTED 135
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/28/90 95 .
136 EXT. SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF THE WAMPUM COURT - DAY 136
Wednesday and Pugsley have set up a LEMONADE STAND, their
contribution to the Addams' financial well-being. An
array of POISONS are lined up on their rickety table.
They've slashed their prices to a nickel per cup. The
pitcher on the table before them steams.
Cars speed by.
Carrying a SAMPLE VACUUM CLEANER and a bucket, Lurch comes
out of the motel courtyard. Pugsley offers him a cup of
punch.
PUGSLEY
Here, Lurch. On the house.
Lurch downs it in a gulp and heads off.
Feeling the effects of the lemonade, Lurch BURPS -- a
tongue of flame shoots from his mouth and INCINERATES A
WOODEN INDIAN advertising the Wampum Court.
CUT TO:
137 OMITTED 137
138 INT. EMPLOYMENT AGENCY 138
Morticia is being interviewed by a PERSONNEL OFFICER, a
relentlessly perky gal with a clipboard.
PERSONNEL OFFICER
We have so many homemakers re-entering
the work force - your domestic skills
can be very valuable. College?
MORTICIA
Private tutors.
PERSONNEL OFFICER
Major?
MORTICIA
Spells and Hexes.
PERSONNEL OFFICER
(knowingly)
Liberal Arts. Have you been a
volunteer, PTA, service organizations?
MORTICIA
Well, one day each week I visit Death
Row at our local prison, with my
children.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 4/03/91 96 .
138 CONTINUED: 138
PERSONNEL OFFICER
(perplexed)
With your children?
MORTICIA
Autographs.
PERSONNEL OFFICER
Well, what about your husband? Is
he currently employed?
MORTICIA
He's... he's going through a bad patch
at the moment. But it's not his fault.
PERSONNEL OFFICER
(with some bitterness)
Of course not. What is he - A
loafer? A hopeless layabout? A
shiftless dreamer?
MORTICIA
(wistfully)
Not anymore.
The Personnel Officer shoots Morticia a doubtful glance,
and begins rifling through her card file.
CUT TO:
139 INT. ADDAMS LIVING ROOM - DAY 139
Abigail and Fester are seated at opposite ends of the
couch. Fester stares off into space. Abigail is going
through a stack of colorful travel brochures.
ABIGAIL
The Mediterranean, the Riviera - once
we find the money, we'll go everywhere.
We'll try again, right after lunch.
Gordon - where should we go first?
FESTER
(sadly)
I don't know...
ABIGAIL
Acapulco? Cancun?
(she snaps her fingers
in the air, castanet-
style, trying to be
festive)
Ariba! Ariba!
FESTER
You choose.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 4/03/91 A96A.
A140 EXT. WAMPUM COURT - LATER THAT DAY A140
Wednesday and Pugsley are at their lemonade stand. They
are negotiating with a PRISSY LITTLE GIRL IN A GIRL SCOUT
UNIFORM. The girl scout carries several boxes of Girl
Scout cookies.
GIRL SCOUT
(with grave doubts)
Is this made from real lemons?
WEDNESDAY
Yes.
GIRL SCOUT
I only like all-natural foods and
beverages. Organically grown, with
no preservatives. Are you sure
they're real lemons?
PUGSLEY
Yes.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/26/91 96A.
A140 CONTINUED: A140
GIRL SCOUT
Well... I tell you what. I'll buy
a cup, if you buy a box of my
delicious girl scout cookies. Do
we have a deal?
WEDNESDAY
Are they made from real girl scouts?
CUT TO:
140 EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY 140
White clapboard. Geraniums in the flower boxes.
Surrounded by a white picket fence.
Carrying his SAMPLE VACUUM CLEANER AND BUCKET, the tools of
his new trade, Lurch carefully opens the little white gate.
AT THE DOOR,
he rings the doorbell, afraid he might break something.
A BLONDE HOUSEWIFE in tennis whites, obviously in a hurry,
opens the door -- only to be greeted by a BUCKETFUL OF
SLOP thrown past her, onto her peach Oriental rug. She
SCREAMS in horror, turns to challenge the perpetrator of
this atrocity and, seeing Lurch, SCREAMS again.
In a panic, she tries to slam the door on Lurch, but, like
the salesman's manual undoubtedly advised, he STICKS his
foot in the way. The door partially RIPS off its hinges.
Lurch steps inside and shuts the door as best he can.
A moment passes. The door swings open and Lurch exits,
jauntily waving a check.
CUT TO:
141 OMITTED 141
142 OMITTED 142
& &
143 143
A144 OMITTED A144
B144 OMITTED B144
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/22/91 97 .
144 INT. DAYCARE CENTER - DAY 144
Morticia is telling a story to a group of TODDLERS, who
have gathered in a circle around her, sitting on carpet
squares. The room is sunny and cheerful, with crayon
drawings taped to the walls.
MORTICIA
... and so the witch lured Hansel
and Gretel into the candy house,
by promising them more sweets. And
she told them to look in the oven,
and she was about to push them in,
when, low and behold, Hansel pushed
the poor, defenseless witch into the
oven instead. Where she was burned
alive, writhing in agony. Now,
boys and girls, what do you think
that feels like?
After a beat, all the toddlers begin to CRY and WAIL.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 98 .
145 OMITTED 145
thru thru
147 147
148 OMITTED 148
thru thru
152 OMITTED 152
A153 EXT. WAMPUN BUNGALOW - DAY A153
Granny holds a club behind her back as she stalks
something.
GRANNY
Here kitty, kitty, kitty...
CUT TO:
153 INT. WAMPUM BUNGALOW - SAME TIME 153
Eating compulsively form a box of Mallomars, Gomez is
still stretched out on the naked box springs. He stares
vacantly at a game show on TV. "Jeopardy" is on.
ALEX TREBEK
(reading from
the card)
Monsters Of History for $200. "He was
known as the Butcher of Bavaria."
GOMEZ
(shouts)
Grandfather Addams!
(smacks his forehead,
hard)
Damn! Not in the form of a question!
CUT TO:
A154 EXT. BUNGALOW - SAME TIME A154
Granny, running now, club raised, hurries past the open
window of the bungalow.
She stops at the sight of Gomez inside, standing on the
bed, staring at the television.
C.U. on the TV set - Gomez is now watching Geraldo Rivera,
hosting his tabloid style show.
GERALDO
Voodoo zombies - the stuff of
legend, or a living nightmare? Do
zombies really exist? How are they
made? Where can we find them?
Call in with your comments.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 99 .
A154 CONTINUED: A154
A CALL-IN NUMBER is flashed on the screen. Gomez reaches
for the phone.
CUT TO:
154 INT. ADDAMS MANSION DINING ROOM - DAY 154
Abigail and Gordon are seated at opposite ends of the
table, having lunch. It is very quiet.
ABIGAIL
After lunch, we'll try again.
FESTER
(very flat)
Yes, Mother.
ABIGAIL
We'll find the money. And meanwhile,
we have this little nest. Quiet and
cozy. Without that dreadful family.
FESTER
Yes, Mother.
ABIGAIL
Just the two of us, away from the
world. Our dream come true.
FESTER
Yes, Mother.
As Fester repeats "Yes, Mother", in his drone, Abigail
mimics him, silently.
CUT TO:
A155 INT. BUNGALOW - AN HOUR LATER A155
C.U. on the TV screen. Geraldo is talking to a woman in
the studio audience.
GERALDO
So your son was brainwashed by voodoo
slave masters and forced to recruit
others. Let's take a call.
GOMEZ
(on the studio PA system)
Geraldo...
GERALDO
(cutting him off)
Mr. Addams, please stop calling.
We don't know where they meet.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 100.
A155 CONTINUED: A155
PULL BACK to the motel room. Gomez lets the phone drop.
Morticia, seated on the edge of the box spring, tries to
comfort him. Pugsley, Wednesday and Lurch are seated
nearby, very worried about Gomez, as at a death watch.
Gomez is now surrounded by junk food, and a mountain of
junk food wrappers, bags and styrofoam containers.
Ritually, as handmaidens, Morticia brings Gomez the
remote control for the TV, and Wednesday brings him a
copy of TV Guide.
Pugsley brings Gomez a bag of "Doritos", and Lurch brings
him a canister of "Pringles".
Gomez uses the remote to switch channels. An episode of
"The Cosby Show" comes on.
GOMEZ
Re-run.
He switches off the set and stares at the blank screen.
PUGSLEY
I don't understand. All he does
is watch TV and eat.
MORTICIA
I know - Gomez, let's go for a drive.
The whole family.
GOMEZ
(not even turning)
A drive? And miss "Matlock"?
Granny opens the door and sticks her head in.
GRANNY
Dinner's going to be late.
She slams the door. We hear her whistling.
GRANNY (O.S.)
Here, boy. Here, boy.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/7/91 100A.
A155A INT. WAMPUM COURT - LATER A155A*
Morticia is putting Wednesday to bed.
WEDNESDAY
If that man isn't Uncle Fester,
then who is he, mother?
MORTICIA
I don't know, darling. I wish
I did.
WEDNESDAY
Why is that lady doing all this?
MORTICIA
It's hard to say. Sometimes people
have had terrible childhoods. And
sometimes they just haven't found
their special place in life. And
sometimes they're dogs from hell
and must be destroyed.
Morticia kisses Wednesday and she closes her eyes to go
to sleep.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 4/03/91 101.
B155 INT. WAMPUM - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT B155
The family sleeps - all but Morticia. She sits up in
bed beside Gomez. She looks around at her family.
Wednesday sleeps in the same bed as Granny. Lurch is flat
out on the floor. Pugsley uses him for a mattress, and
Thing uses Pugsley. Pugsley snores the inhale part of a
snore, Lurch groans the exhale part, and Thing punctuates
by wiggling.
Morticia stares down at Gomez - for a long beat. She
strokes his hair lovingly. Full of resolve, she gets
out of bed.
CUT TO:
AC155 INT. FESTER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT AC155*
Fester is lying in bed, the covers around his chin.
Abigail sits on the bed beside him, tucking him in.
ABIGAIL
I know why you've been so glum.
It's because it's taking us a
little longer than we'd hoped to
find the gold. Isn't that right?
Fester turns away, depressed.
ABIGAIL
Of course it is. Well, don't you
worry - we're right on the verge.
Tomorrow, for certain, my darling.
(she kisses him on the
forehead, and stands.
She goes to the door,
and turns)
You know, some people might think
it's strange, for a mother and son
to be so close. I think it's
beautiful. Don't you, Gordon?
Fester mumbles something, under his breath.
ABIGAIL
(very stern)
What?
FESTER
(dutifully)
Yes, mother. It's beautiful.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 4/03/91 102.
AC155 CONTINUED: AC155
ABIGAIL
(instantly very sweet,
dabbing her eye with
a fingertip)
Look - I'm weeping.
Abigail exits. The minute the door shuts, Fester gets
out of bed. He is fully clothed. He goes to the window,
and begins to climb out.
CUT TO:
C155 EXT. BUNGALOW - LATER C155
Morticia, fully dressed, wearing her cloak, heads off
down the walk. Unseen by her, Thing trails after.
CUT TO:
D155 EXT. GATE - A LITTLE LATER D155
Morticia, just outside Gate, struggles to get it open,
Thing clutching the bars, also attempting to block her
way.
MORTICIA
Stop it, you two.
Morticia breaks free of Thing.
CUT TO:
E155 EXT. ADDAMS MANSION - A LITTLE LATER E155
Tully opens the front door. He smiles maliciously at
the sight of Morticia on the stoop.
MORTICIA
I would like to speak with Fester.
Tully steps aside.
TULLY
We've been expecting you...
Morticia crosses the threshold.
CUT TO:
F155 OMITTED F155
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/19/91 103.
155 EXT. INTERSECTION AT THE FOOT OF THE ADDAMS HILL - NIGHT 155
Thing does his damnedest to flag down any of the few
oncoming cars. He waves to no avail, DANCES AROUND in
frustration, then tries HITCHHIKING, sticking out his
thumb. A passing car splashes him with mud.
Screwing up his courage, in a kamikaze leap, he GRABS
ahold of the bumper of the next car that comes along and
hangs on for dear life as the car SPEEDS down the street.
CUT TO:
156 INT. STUDY - A LITTLE LATER 156
Morticia is now stretched out on the torture RACK. Fester
and Tully are securing her hands and feet, under Abigail's
supervision. Fester seems torn, agitated, upset.
MORTICIA
(to Abigail, graciously)
You are a desperate woman, consumed
by greed and infinite bitterness.
(a beat)
We could have been such friends.
ABIGAIL
I don't think so. The vault,
Mrs. Addams - any thoughts?
MORTICIA
(sweetly, to Abigail)
Despite everything, I don't hate
you. I pity you. Persecution,
fiendish torture, inhuman depravity -
sometimes it's just not enough.
ABIGAIL
Gordon - let's get started.
FESTER
But, Mother...
ABIGAIL
Stop stalling!
FESTER
I'm not stalling! Stop badgering me!
ABIGAIL
(pushing Fester aside)
Tully, take over! Tighten it!
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/19/91 103A.
156 CONTINUED: (2) 156
TULLY
I'd love to, you know that, but -
I've got this stomach thing. When I
torture people. It's just me.
ABIGAIL
(shoving Tully toward
the rack)
Do it!
TULLY
(to Morticia,
politely)
Where's your bathroom?
ABIGAIL
NOW!
Tully shuts his eyes and tightens the rack. Morticia's
bones make a horrible POPPING, STRETCHING SOUND. She
MOANS, rather sensually.
ABIGAIL
Again!
Tully tightens the rack again. More BONE-POPPING NOISES.
Morticia MOANS again, even more orgasmically.
ABIGAIL
Tighter!
Tully tightens the rack a third time. BONE-POPPING NOISES.
Morticia MOANS, very voluptuously. She opens her eyes.
She sighs, in afterglow. She glances at Tully.
MORTICIA
(to Tully, flirtatiously)
You've done this before.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/19/91 104.
157 EXT. WAMPUM COURT - NIGHT 157
A hand possessed, Thing RACES up the driveway, raising
dust as he goes.
158 EXT. BUNGALOW - NIGHT 158
Thing leaps dramatically onto the porch, then stops dead
to knock on the cabin door.
After a beat:
GOMEZ (O.S.)
Who is it? We're paid through
Thursday.
He opens the door. Thing rushes in.
CUT TO:
159 INT. BUNGALOW - MINUTES LATER 159
Thing skitters on the kitchen counter, frantically
signing. In the background, the rest of the family
sleeps.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/26/91 105.
159 CONTINUED: 159
GOMEZ
(whispers)
Slow down, Thing! It's terrible
when you stutter!
Frustrated, Thing grabs a SPOON and begins tapping out
MORSE CODE.
GOMEZ
Morticia in danger... stop! Send
help at once ... stop!
Thing flops down in exhausted triumph. Gomez grabs him
and heads off.
CUT TO:
160 OMITTED 160
161 INT. GOMEZ'S STUDY - A FEW MINUTES LATER 161
Morticia is now lashed to an ENORMOUS TORTURE WHEEL.
Tully and Abigail are tending the stick BRANDING IRONS
stuck in the roaring fire.
FESTER
(to Abigail)
You can't! Not with red-hot pokers!
TULLY
(queasy)
Is this gonna smell?
MORTICIA
(graciously, with
understanding)
Tully Alford - charlatan. Deadbeat.
Parasite. How Gomez adored you.
TULLY
Well, not enough.
FESTER
Morticia, please...
MORTICIA
Dear Fester - or whomever you are.
Which is the real you - the loathsome,
under-handed monster you've become?
Or the loathsome, underhanded monster
we came to love?
FESTER
(desperately)
Don't ask me...
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 4/03/91 105A.
161 CONTINUED: 161
MORTICIA
Fester - I saw you tonight, at my
window. I know it was you.
ABIGAIL
(furious)
Gordon?
FESTER
(very upset)
I was... restless! I couldn't sleep.
ABIGAIL
Gordon, I have a thought. Just a
notion, top of my head. Tell me what
you think. Since you and Mrs. Addams
are so very close...
Abigail takes a red-hot POKER out of the fire and hands it
to Fester.
ABIGAIL
... be my guest.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/17/90 106.
162 OMITTED 162
thru thru
164 164
A165 INT. DUESENBERG - NIGHT A165
Gomez cuts the engine. The car glides silently through
Gate -- who opens uncharacteristically without a creak.
Gomez stops the car and skulks out. Thing skulks after
him.
Gomez sees the reflections of the roaring fire through
the study window.
CUT TO:
165 INT. STUDY - SAME TIME 165
As Fester takes the poker and approaches Morticia -
GOMEZ CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW, in a back-flip.
Thing JUDO-FLIPS in after Gomez.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/15/91 107.
165 CONTINUED: 165
GOMEZ
Cara mia!
MORTICIA
Mon cher!
ABIGAIL
Addams!
Thing tosses Gomez a saber off the study wall.
Tully also grabs a saber, and approaches Gomez from behind.
MORTICIA
Darling, take care!
Without even looking, Gomez parries Tully's blow from
behind. Then he whirls on Tully.
GOMEZ
Dirty pool, old man. Never again!
TULLY
This is for keeps, Gomez! Not
just doubloons!
Tully feints, then slashes - shredding the front of Gomez's
jacket.
GOMEZ
One for you, Tully, and...
Gomez ATTACKS - HIS BLADE FLASHING LIKE LIGHTNING. In a
blur of action, Tully's sword is knocked from his hand and
he's sent tumbling backwards, finally landing on his knees.
GOMEZ
... one for me!
Tully looks up at Gomez with cowardly, pleading eyes.
TULLY
Gomez... it's Tully. I'm your
lawyer. I'm on retainer.
ABIGAIL (O.S.)
Let him up!
Gomez turns to see...
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 12/3/90 108.
165 CONTINUED: (2) 165
ABIGAIL -
who now has a pistol aimed at Morticia. One shot and
Morticia will die horribly.
Gomez throws aside his sword. Tully scrambles to his
feet.
ABIGAIL
(to Gomez)
That's right! Now get moving -
Addams, take him to the vault.
And if you're not back in one
hour...
(the pistol aimed
at Morticia, and
using her accent)
I displace her.
Gomez is near enough now to take Morticia's hand, on the
torture wheel.
GOMEZ
Tish - seeing you like this. My
blood boils.
MORTICIA
As does mine.
GOMEZ
(touching the
torture wheel)
This wheel of pain...
MORTICIA
Our wheel.
CU on Fester, confused at watching this emotional
display.
GOMEZ
(to Morticia)
To live without you - only that
would be torture.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/15/91 109.
165 CONTINUED: (3) 165
MORTICIA
(to Gomez)
A day alone - only that would be
death.
Gomez kisses Morticia's hand.
ABIGAIL
Knock it off! The vault, Addams -
right now!
FESTER
But, Mother can't we...
Gomez reaches for the book that will open the secret
panel:
ABIGAIL
Can it, Gordon! Stop dragging your
feet! You disgust me - you're nothing
but a useless, snivelling baby! A
stone around my neck! What was I
thinking - I should've left you where
I found you!
At Abigail's final words, Fester suddenly LEAPS FORWARD.
FESTER
No tricks, Gomez! That's the wrong
book!
CLOSE UP
Gomez's hand is on the right book, "Greed," but Fester
stops him from pulling it.
FESTER
Allow me...
Gomez looks into Fester's eyes -- realizing what he's
about to do.
GOMEZ
(murmuring)
Good show, old man...
Fester reaches for a DIFFERENT BOOK -- "Hurricane Irene:
Nightmare from Above."
Seeing the title of the book, Tully suddenly panics:
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 3/18/91 110.
165 CONTINUED: (4) 165
TULLY
Put that book down, Gordon! You
don't know what it can do! It's
not just literture!
FESTER
(advancing on Tully)
Oh, really?
TULLY
I'm your friend, Gordon - think
of the doubloons!
FESTER
They're not yours, Tully! Back off!
ANGLE on Gomez, releasing Morticia from the torture wheel.
MORTICIA
Quickly, my darling!
He helps her down from the wheel.
GOMEZ
Leather straps, red-hot pokers...
MORTICIA
Later, my dearest.
ANGLE on Fester, facing off with Abigail, as Tully cowers.
ABIGAIL
Keep the book closed, Gordon -
listen to mother!
FESTER
I'll never listen to you - not
ever again!
ABIGAIL
I had to be strict with you -
because I cared! Put it down!
FESTER
You never really loved me!
ANGLE on Gomez and Morticia, nearing the bookcase.
GOMEZ
Come, my love - to safety!
MORTICIA
But what of Fester?
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/28/91 110A.
165 CONTINUED: (5) 165
GOMEZ
(calling out, to Fester)
Old man, this way!
ANGLE on Abigail and Fester.
ABIGAIL
Stop whining, you little good-
for-nothing! Be a man!
FESTER
You're a terrible mother! There,
I said it!
Fester opens the book, and blasts Tully out of the window.
Then he blasts Abigail out as well.
ANGLE ON GOMEZ, who has now pulled the right book, "Greed",
to open the bookshelf. Amid the storm, he is leading
Morticia behind the bookshelf. He tries to hold the
bookshelf open for Fester to follow, fighting the gale
force winds.
GOMEZ
(calling out to Fester)
Old man! This way!
ANGLE ON THING, across the room, struggling across the
floor toward the bookshelf. Thing fights the wind,
which pelts him with papers and other flying debris.
Gomez can no longer fight the storm, and the bookshelf
slams shut. Fester desperately tries to close the book to
quell the storm, but a HUGE BOLT OF LIGHTNING ZAPS HIM.
He falls to the floor, with electricity coursing through
him.
MOVE IN on the storm raging within the pages of the book,
then -
FADE TO BLACK
FADE IN ON:
166 OMITTED 166
thru thru
169 169
170 OMITTED 170
171 OMITTED 171
thru thru
173 173
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/28/91 110B.
174 EXT. ADDAMS MANSION, NEXT OCTOBER - NIGHT 174
A group of little CHILDREN approach the front door. There
is a hand-lettered sign on the door reading "HALLOWEEN
OPEN HOUSE." The children are dressed in traditional
Halloween costumes - there's a witch, a ghost, a skeleton,
etc., and they all carry trick-or-treat bags. They giggle
and chatter. One of the children is pushed forward, and
he KNOCKS on the front door. As the door opens, the
children CHANT:
CHILDREN
Trick or...
They freeze in mid-chant. We do not see who has opened
the door, but the children do. After a beat, they SCREAM
IN HORROR and run, terrified, back toward the street.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 12/3/90 111.
175 INT. FRONT HALL - SAME TIME 175
Lurch is closing the front door, looking puzzled.
The family is busily decorating the house for their annual
Halloween festivities. All the decorations are elegant
yet ancient, dusty and faded. The crystal gloves in the
chandeliers have been replaced by miniature jack o-
lanterns. Skeletons, each wearing a top hat, hang from
the sconces by the nooses around their necks. There are
clusters of black and orange balloons, covered with
cobwebs. Uncle Fester and Thing are draping the banisters
and stairway railings with a garland made from crepe
paper, dead branches and spanish moss. Skulls, each
holding a candle, are scattered about, on the stairs and
the furniture. A stuffed, life-size scarecrow leans
against the stairway, with a pitchfork through its throat.
A banner on the wall reads "HAPPY HALLOWEEN", and the
letters drip with blood.
Gomez hangs upside down from the balcony. Morticia hands
him a decoration.
Granny appears from the kitchen, carrying a tray of food.
GRANNY
Well, it's their loss. I even
made finger sandwiches.
Perched on Fester's shoulder, Thing shakes in fear.
FESTER
(petting Thing)
Oh, calm down.
PUGSLEY (O.S.)
Here we come!
Wednesday and Pugsley come down the stairs. Wednesday
is dressed in her usual style, but Pugsley is dressed as
a tiny version of UNCLE FESTER, COMPLETE WITH BALD HEAD AND
GREATCOAT. The adults are delighted. Gomez flips down
onto his feet.
GOMEZ
Pugsley, old man!
MORTICIA
(delighted)
Look at you.
PUGSLEY
(to Uncle Fester)
How do you like it?
Fester is very touched; he picks Pugsley up.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/15/91 111A.
175 CONTINUED: 175
FESTER
What can I say? He's going to
break hearts.
GOMEZ
Let's get a picture! Lurch?
MORTICIA
Oh yes - in the den.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 11/20/90 112.
175 CONTINUED: 175
Everyone starts to move toward the den. There is a KNOCK
on the door. Everyone turns. Lurch opens the door.
Standing outside are Margaret and Cousin It. Margaret is
dressed as a fairy princess, complete with wand. Cousin
It wears a cowboy hat, a bandanna and a holster. Margaret
is radiant, obviously very much in love.
MARGARET
Trick or treat!
COUSIN IT
Ooot oot glibber.
GOMEZ
Look, everyone! We have guests!
MORTICIA
Hello, Margaret. Cousin It - I
almost didn't recognize you.
MARGARET
Isn't he handsome? Everyone keeps
asking where he bought his costume.
GOMEZ
(admiringly)
It is a wonderful hat.
MARGARET
(to Wednesday)
And what are you, darling? Where's
your costume?
WEDNESDAY
(solemnly)
This is my costume. I'm a homicidal
maniac. They look just like everyone
else.
CUT TO:
176 INT. DINING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER 176
Fester and Pugsley are posed at one end of the room.
Lurch has set up an easel and canvas; he is painting
Fester and Pugsley's portrait.
Gomez and Wednesday are sitting on the floor amid
newspapers, carving a pumpkin.
Morticia is knitting. Margaret and Cousin It sit together,
holding hands. Granny brings people cups of steaming
punch, from a punch bowl.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/19/91 113.
176 CONTINUED: 176
FESTER
Halloween - it's such a special
time. Ghosts and goblins. Witches
on broomsticks.
WEDNESDAY
Children begging in the streets.
FESTER
I'm so glad I can share this night
with my family - my real family.
Now that I've got my memory back.
MORTICIA
That unfortunate woman. Filled with
evil.
(shaking her head,
sadly)
But not enough.
PUGSLEY
(to Fester)
She wasn't your mother. She just
said that.
COUSIN IT
Ooot oot gleep.
GOMEZ
(to It)
You remember, old sport - she really
did find him tangled in a tuna net,
twenty-five years ago. With amnesia.
WEDNESDAY
From the Bermuda Triangle.
COUSIN IT
Ooot oot oot.
MORTICIA
How true. Stranger things have
happened.
MARGARET
I'm sorry, and I'm not bitter,
but I blame Tully.
COUSIN IT
Ooot blipper gleep.
MARGARET
(the coquette)
Oh, stop. I'm blushing.
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/19/91 113A.
176 CONTINUED: 176
GRANNY
(to Fester)
Thank God for that lightning.
Knocked some sense into you.
PUGSLEY
Please, Uncle Fester?
GOMEZ
(jovially)
Pugsley...
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 2/19/91 114.
176 CONTINUED: (2) 176
PUGSLEY
For the picture?
Fester pops a light bulb into his mouth. It lights.
Pugsley giggles.
Gomez stands up, having finished the pumpkin. He places
it on a table, and lights the candle inside. The pumpkin
glows. It has ONE EYE IN THE MIDDLE OF ITS FOREHEAD.
Everyone oohs and ahhs.
FESTER
You know, all the old sayings are
true. There's no place like home.
And blood is thicker than water.
MORTICIA
And just as refreshing.
GOMEZ
All right, everybody - time for a
game! What shall it be - bobbing
for apples?
MARGARET
Charades?
COUSIN IT
Ooot glibber glip.
MORTICIA
Of course - "Wake The Dead."
FESTER
(delighted, to Gomez
remembering this childhood
favorite)
"Wake The Dead"!
GOMEZ
(equally excited)
"Wake The Dead"! Out to the cemetery!
Come on, everyone!
Everyone starts to exit, chattering happily.
MARGARET
(to Granny)
I've never played this before -
how does it go?
GRANNY
Did you bring a shovel?
(CONTINUED)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 3/18/91 114A.
176 CONTINUED: (3) 176
PUGSLEY
Uncle Fester, will you be on my team?
WEDNESDAY
No, mine!
FESTER
(to Wednesday)
I tell you what - we'll give you a
head start. Three skulls and a
pelvis - how's that?
Pugsley and Wednesday cheer and run out. Fester faces
Gomez.
FESTER
My own dear brother - who could be
more precious?
GOMEZ
Blood is thicker than water, old man.
MORTICIA
(touched by the
brothers devotion)
And just as refreshing.
Gomez offers his hand. Fester takes it, in a manly
handshake.
GOMEZ
Let us never be parted.
FESTER
Let us always be as one.
Fester flips Gomez in a JUDO FLIP.
Gomez LANDS -
At the foot of a glass display case. The camera pans up
the case. It contains ABIGAIL AND TULLY, EXPERTLY
MOUNTED AND STUFFED.
Fester rises, dusting himself off.
FESTER
(joyfully, to Gomez
and Morticia)
Come on!
MORTICIA
We'll catch up.
Fester runs out.
CUT TO:
THE ADDAMS FAMILY - 3/18/91 115-117.
177 OMITTED 177
178 INT. FRONT HALL 178
Everyone is gone. Morticia and Gomez have drifted into
the front hall; they are moving toward the front door.
MORTICIA
(deeply satisfied)
Our family... what are they?
GOMEZ
Oh, Tish - what a night. Everyone
-- together at last. What more
could we ask?
MORTICIA
Gomez?
Morticia holds up the garment she's been knitting - it's
a BABY JUMPER WITH THREE LEGS.
GOMEZ
(ecstatic)
Cara mia... is it true?
MORTICIA
(shaking her head
"yes")
Oui, mon cher...
They embrace, as the front door SWINGS OPEN, of its own
accord.
CUT TO:
179 EXT. ADDAMS MANSION - SAME TIME 179
Morticia and Gomez are silhouetted in the doorway. There
is a FULL MOON. In the distance, a wolf HOWLS. Wispy
GHOSTS flit through the night sky. A human SCREAM is
heard, followed by Granny's CACKLE. In the cemetery,
torches are seen, like fireflies.
FADE OUT.
THE END
